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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I risk going to court a 2nd time? (severe abuse warning)

9 replies

Deathisme · 22/05/2017 10:41

After hearing about it here, I've just watched all 3 episodes of '3 Girls' about the Rochdale child abuse. I was beaten unconscious, starved and sexually tortured by my father for years as a child. As a teenager I ran away from home and went to the police. I made a long formal statement, I was 'analysed' by a psychiatrist, had intimate medical examinations in front of witnesses and yet because my father promised 'not to do it again' I was handed back to him........ I refused to go. Eventually I was made a ward of state & fostered.

It is now decades on and I'm in therapy, struggling desperately with ptsd and suicidal feelings. After signing the government's child abuse enquiry, the police have been in touch, all my original evidence has been destroyed but they're asking me to come in again & give evidence on camera for use in court. They told me that things are handled very differently these days. My father is 70 now. Do I go ahead with a prosecution and risk that it all falls apart a 2nd time?

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 22/05/2017 11:10

What a difficult decision for you to have to make Flowers

Have you discussed this with your therapist? Could you explore the pros and cons to agreeing to give evidence?

Starlighter · 22/05/2017 11:15

I'm so sorry Flowers

Such a difficult decision for you. You've got to do what's right for you, only you. Are you slightly leaning one way or another? What feels right, deep down in your gut?

Could you talk it through with your doctor and/or a psychiatrist? Even a friend?

I wish you well OP.

ImperialBlether · 22/05/2017 11:17

Things are so different now. I don't think they'd be asking you to come back for a trial if they believed you didn't stand a massive chance of winning.

When they say their original evidence has gone, do they mean your statements as well?

lotusbomb · 22/05/2017 11:17

What a horrible situation :(

I wonder though, if they're actively asking you to do it, maybe that means that they are confident of the outcome?

BrickInTheWall · 22/05/2017 11:51

I was agree with PP, I think if they are asking you to come in again they are confident of a prosecution.

I would discuss with your therapist, I reported my abuser and felt it gave me a little but of closure on it even though he didn't get charged. For me I felt it was important that HE knew that I wasnt afraid of him and that I realised that it was wrong and he should feel ashamed of himself.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/05/2017 11:58

I cannot imagine what this must be like.
But you need to do what is right for you.
Will this damage your recovery if it all falls apart again?
Could you discuss with the police what the entire process is and what the chances are of prosecution?
Your therapist may also be able to guide you on this as they will know how you might handle it all.
I am so so sorry you went through all of that.
Flowers for you!

Hissy · 22/05/2017 12:01

Oh my love, what a horrible time you have had. So brave.

I can't imagine what you are going through. I agree that your therapist can support you in this. It may be that being heard after all this time will help you.

FoonaBaboona · 22/05/2017 13:30

I would say 100% go for it but talk to your therapist first.

I have had experience of this and he was in his 80's and got sent to prison for a very very long time.
The people who gave evidence did it via video link and victim support helped them every step of the way.

Please don't let him get away with it.

Isadora2007 · 22/05/2017 13:32

What do YOU want to do. It's entirely up to you and don't let anyone else influence that. You are in control of this. Flowers

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