I need inner resources

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I've been struggling with this for a while and can't come up with a good solution.

My DH is very stressed atm. Work related, not his fault, hopefully things should improve in the next six months or so. When he's stressed he still pulls his weight, looks after the DC, does his side of the household things etc, but i find him really, really hard to be around. He is monosyllabic, depressed, insomniac, unmotivated, all as you would expect really.

Stress/depression are things I've suffered from and understand. I know the things to do to help him- encourage talking, good sleep/eating/exercise, be there for him, etc etc. I know what to do.

But I am finding it increasingly hard to do all this stuff. We have two young DC and I feel like the emotional state of the household is down to me. Without me there would be no fun, no proactive "shall we play..", no conversation, no pulling faces or tickling or singing or anything. When there is nothing that immediately needs doing he is on his phone/staring into space/sleeping. Not always, but days when the stress/depression is taking over.

I don't blame him when I'm thinking rationally, he's having an awful time. I love him, I want to help, I do try to help. But it's like banging my head against a brick wall most of the time and it's really really hard not to feel rejected and resentful and miserable. It's much easier once the DC are asleep because then I don't have to keep a front up for them, and I can either work on DH (if I can manage it) or at least we are just quiet.

So how do I try and stay cheerful and not get dragged down myself? I am just so weary of this.

Get some counselling for yourself.

Stop thinking you have to make everything work as if there were two parents on top form. Children manage perfectly well with one parent.

You can't fix him. Either he goes for help or he doesn't. Even if he does, as you know, there might not be a quick fix. But if he's depressed it isn't his fault he can't be the life and soul of the party. Don't resent him, but don't try to make up for what you see as lacking.

At the moment it doesn't sound as if you want to leave him, so bolster up your own life to make yourself happier. Is there a relative, friend or babysitter who can take the children for a while so you can get out on your own or with friends? Find a hobby and insist on following it.

What is this 'front' you have to keep up, for the children? They will accept their father as he is, given chance.

Having said that, when my ex came home from work each day, misery entered our home (he wasn't depressed but he had that effect on me and then-four-year-old dd) and we were glad to see the back of him when it turned out he had another woman.

That's aside. Bolstering your own spirits, focusing on your happiness, that might be the way forward for you.

Re: the "front" or trying to compensate for DH, it's not that I try to do anything that much more than usual, it's just that everything feels like a massive strain when he is just sat there silent and sad. I can't just naturally converse with him and the DC like we normally would. It all feels fake and I'm self conscious and feel guilty for being/acting happy, or else I just feel sad because he's sad.

I'm aware this is my problem not his. I don't want him to feel the added pressure of having to fake cheery happiness for me/the DC. But it is so so wearying to carry on as normal when he's like this. It sounds awful but it's so much easier when he's at work, the atmosphere is light and normal again.

I do have a hobby I want to do more of but finding the time is hard

You need to detach, for your sake and his. If you detach, you'll find your expectations of how things 'should', be morphing into how things really 'are'.
You should tell him too that while you care very much for him, you are not responsible for him feeling the way he does.
He is.
He's using you as a metaphorical punching bag because of how miserable he feels and you don't have to accept it.
Indeed, I'd advise that you challenge his behaviour head on. Its probably exactly what he needs.