Was this sexual abuse?

[SleepyHay]

This is really hard to write, I haven't told anyone in RL and I'm not sure that I will.

I've been trying to work through some issues I've had with my childhood recently. As a result I've been remembering a lot of things that have happened in the past. When I was about 9ish my older brother, older by just under 2 years, a couple of times put his hand down my knickers and sort of grabbed me. I don't think it was sexual for him as he didn't seem to get off on it, he did it to hurt me. I've got 2 older brothers who used to hit me , mainly in response to my mums violence towards them.

It's really weird that I'd completely forgotten this and I'm not sure what to make of it. Just makes me feel a bit sick and shaky thinking about it. I have no idea what to do.

I don't know what this was but you clearly haven't forgotten and would be better off speaking to someone in RL to help you through and past this. Good luck

Could it be that the older brothers did something similar to him to hurt him?

Tbh it is sexual assault. Even if the intention wasnt sexual. Assault none the less.

It sounds like a very unhealthy household.

Could have happened to him, I don't really know. We're not exactly close.

My upbringing would definitely not be described as healthy. Thought I was doing well dealing with it until this.

Thanks for the replies, helps to know that I'm not over reacting.

Yes it is sexual assault. Sorry you went through this :( btw rape is not sexual - it's violent much like this.

Hard to say. His age must at least partly mitigate. I'm guessing his knowledge of 'the facts of life' would have been at best patchy at this stage? The seriousness of it really depends on a whole bunch of variables.