PLEASE READ AND HELP

[mrnoone]

Hi, basically I will sum up what's happened.
Me and my girlfriend had a baby young, this stressed her out more than she realised and started getting depressed, somewhere along the line this became my fault.
In order for her to get her head in shape, we decided to have a break where I stay at my mums with our son for a few days and then he goes to hers and stays with her, this way we both had a break from being parents. However, this was meant to be a 2 week thing and it is currently the 7th week because it is not working. She claims this is because I can't leave her alone for more than a day, which is true, I miss her more than anything, if it was my way I would never of had this break! So because I try and meet her and talk to her she has gone of the rails and I went on her phone and she has been meeting another boy and sexting him with very graphic details and pictures...this has killed me and broken my heart. I confronted him and her and he didn't even know about me or our baby and she still blames me and claims it is not cheating as we were on a break, however, it wasn't a relationship break.

The question is, there is nothing I want more than to forgive her and give her time and then be a happy family again, however, I'm struggling to even imagine a future as our happy family as every time I see her face or her body I feel sick knowing that I'm not the only one who has touched it and kissed it. If anyone has been in a similar position please help

We may never get back together but the way we spoke and the way we still speak now, it's obvious we will be Together and personally after this I think we will be even closer

It's not obvious at all. Because you told us:

She said that she can't see us getting back together soon as i have upset her too much by going on her phone and pushing her away by being too clingy and I know that I am wrong to do all of that but I want a second chance.

You sound suffocating. You're not listening to what everyone is telling you.

LEAVE HER ALONE!

GIVE HER SOME SPACE.

DO NOT CONATCT HER!

Use this time to concentrate on your dc, your job, and on seeing your friends.

Hi everyone, sorry if I am confusing you, we have spoken on the phone twice today and she has told me that she eventually wants to get back together but in the mean time while she is angry and I am hurt we should remain apart. I agreed to this, I am not contacting her! So if you have told me to leave her alone or call me 'suffocating' then you are wrong. I am letting her have her time now to do what she wants but I just hope that is not find comfort in other men! I am letting her contact me.

So in the two hours between your posts she's changed her mind and wants to get back together?

What's most important now is to set up regular contact with your child. People who say they want to get back together but not now very rarely do.

Glad to hear you intend to leave her alone. You have not done that yet if you have spoken on the phone twice a day. No contact for a week, a month, half a year is no contact.

Since you have a child together that won't be possible, you will need to talk about contact and your child's needs. So focus on making sure any conversations with your baby's mum are only about your child, are fact based and don't stray into fishing for details about her life or partners or your relationship. If you can keep that up for a few weeks I think you have a much better chance of knowing if she wants to get back together or if she is just trying to keep you on side so she can have a civil relationship with her baby's other parent.

Good luck, keep going and stop pressuring her, it is not helping you get what you want.

I think you are obsessing about your relationship with her. That in itself is pushing her away. That's not heresay. She has told you that
fact
100% go for counselling to work out why you need to feel that your relationship with her needs to be so intense.
Because even putting a caveat on not sleeping with other people when you're apart is a suffocating act from afar. For you both
neither of you are responsible for each other's total happiness. You've got to be independent people, with independent thoughts and lives, and then hopefully you can make each other happy.

But total consumption of each other is very unhealthy and clearly she realises this.
I fear you think you just have to wait it out and it'll all be fine. It won't. If you carry on thinking as you do.
Unless you work on yourself and stop having to rely on someone else for your happiness then it will never work.

She doesn't want you. Listen to her. Listen to what she wants. She is seeing other men. She does not want you. If she did, you would be together.

Hi, thanks for your answers again and to the people still telling me that she doesn't want me and that I should just leave her...have you been reading the comments? I know I don't just have to wait it out and everything is going to be fixed, I know I am going to have to work on myself to be better and be who she needs me to be. I haven't said that she can't see other people now that we are apart, however, I did ask her to think about it if we are going to get back together eventually because I don't want to feel sick when I think of other men touching her. Is not my place to ask her not to but I did ask her to think about it, that's all which personally I think is fair.

How are you working on yourself to be better?

I know I am going to have to work on myself to be better and be who she needs me to be

Listen to what you are saying. You need to be who you need to be. For yourself. you have a child who you have love and a care of duty for.
But seriously, you cannot just think if you modify your behaviour it will all be ok.
Work out what you want in life. The answer is not in someone else

Just reading this thread has sent a chill down my spine. OP the tone of your messages, and what you're saying, remind me of a man I once met online. Now true, we didn't have a child together, we only met twice, but there's an underlying desperation in the way you both write, like you're trying to convince everybody including yourself that you're meant to be together and that you're going to fix things because that's what you want. Sure she loves you, you're the father of her child, but there's a strong possibility she's needing some space right now and she means it. Like, really means it. It's made me feel really uncomfortable reading the thread and I'm a total stranger- if she's feeling the strain of being a mum as well I can only imagine how she feels right now. She's said she needs time, let her have it.
Please, for both your sakes, leave well alone for the time being. That means no long involved chats about the future, no hinting at it, nothing more than you sorting out your child and focussing and becoming a better version of yourself.
Also, for what it's worth, counselling saved my life- it isn't a waste of time for everyone, and you'll probably find it more cathartic than posting here if you want my honest opinion. If you can self refer or even find an online chat facility it's definitely an avenue worth exploring for you by the sounds of things.
Good luck!

Hi, just to clarify, I am leaving her alone now until she messages me or phoned me. I am giving her space. I am looking into counselling to sort my head out and I am also trying to 'fix myself' by thinking about what I've done and how I could of done differently. I never realised how bad I was and how much it affected her. Now I know, I won't be like it

What did you do mrnoone that was so bad and how are you fixing it?

Wow! This is actually frightening, i'd definitely run for the hills if i was her

she has told me that she eventually wants to get back together but in the mean time while she is angry and I am hurt we should remain apart.

This is known as "letting him down gently" and it's actually more cruel because it gives you false hope. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you.

Although I suspect she may be trying this tactic because she's afraid of what you'll do if she's brutally honest.

How old are you?

Just reading this thread has me feeling suffocated on your ex's behalf. Leave the poor girl alone. If she wanted to be with you then you wouldn't currently be at your mums house.
Perhaps at some point you will get back together but not whilst you're being a stalker and phoning , texting and checking her phone. If she has any sense though she should run as far and fast from you as she can, you sound very controlling and smothering.