What is right ?

[usernameisused]

Please help me just put things into perspective so I'm not going to look like an idiot please!

Is it ever right to cheat on your wife? Like is there ever a reason where it's her fault ?

When is it ok to have a relationship with someone new after seperating but before the divorce is over?

Surely if he is with someone else before the divorce is final would I not be able to divorce him on grounds of infidelity/adultery?

I'm not even completely sure right now if this separation is temporary or if he's wanting to work things out after a while or if this is the actual end. It's just right now I'm feeling as though he's done this for a reason and the main reason being OW. If he's left me for OW that he's been seeing before he's left then I would be able to divorce him on those grounds yes? If he's trying to keep it a secret until all this blows over the make out he's just met her well what then? How do I do some detective work to find out?

If he does want to eventually 'reveal' OW well how long after seperation and is it even ok before the divorce is final. I'm so confused because I'm still thinking we might be ok but I don't know.
I can only think of a few things that I could have done wrong but they are all mundane normal type things that I think he's just trying to emphasise to make out I've been hard to live with. But could it ever be my fault as I'm feeling everything is right now

user it sounds really hard for you, not knowing the truth around why he wants to split or whether it is temporary or not.

Yes technically if you are separated but not officially divorced then it is adultery, but my divorce took us 4 years to finalise and neither myself nor XH felt like we were being unfaithful when we both met new people! I had originally filed for unreasonable behaviour but by the time we got round to it, more than 2 years separation had elapsed so I went with that instead.

There isn't really a 'decent' interval for meeting or introducing someone new, but suffice to say, if the first person he dates magically turns out to be 'the one' its fair to say she is/was probably the OW.

Whatever his reasons, if he hasn't shared them with you, then they can't really be considered your fault. Unless you had cheated or done something abhorrent, he should have credited you with a discussion and some honesty, in case you could have done anything to salvage the marriage.

I think while the temptation is to try and talk him round and try to find out about the potential OW, the best move might be to say that you accept that he's not happy and wants out and that (in the absence of any discussion) you are considering it to be permanent. It might be the only way to get the truth from him.

You will be ok. You may never get the answers you think you need, but if you accept that he is not committed to your relationship and move on, you can find happiness again.

Why does the issue of being able to divorce on grounds of adultery matter? For what it's worth it depends on the jurisdiction. In many countries infidelity doesn't even matter because divorce is a no fault thing.

Has he ended the marriage and you're hoping he'll change his mind, but now he's dating someone and it's upsetting you?

Most people date before their divorce is final. I have lived apart from my h for over a year and before that we were apart relationship wise but living in the same house for several months - we were both dating even while we lived in the same house. That's not normal, most people wait til they move out at least, but it's not unethical if the relationship is already over.

He can reveal a OW or new partner whenever he wants. What is it that you are asking?

Why are you wondering about what is your "fault"? Generally these situations, it's no one who's at fault. It's just a natural end to a relationship.

Is it ever right to cheat on your wife? Like is there ever a reason where it's her fault ? No my lovely, it's never right and it's never the fault of the cheated on spouse. If you're unhappy in your marriage, then you finish one relationship before starting another. That's the only decent thing to do.

When is it ok to have a relationship with someone new after seperating but before the divorce is over? I think that if you've told your spouse that you don't want to be married to them any more and you've separated your lives, then you're free to do what you want. The important thing is how you do it.

I'm not even completely sure right now if this separation is temporary or if he's wanting to work things out after a while or if this is the actual end. Do you know how you feel and what you want?

If he's trying to keep it a secret until all this blows over the make out he's just met her well what then? How do I do some detective work to find out? I totally understand the need to know, but I'd really caution you to think carefully about this. Will knowing all the sordid details fix anything? Or make it hurt less? Or will the levels of betrayal that you're likely to discover make it more painful for you?

I can only think of a few things that I could have done wrong but they are all mundane normal type things that I think he's just trying to emphasise to make out I've been hard to live with. But could it ever be my fault as I'm feeling everything is right now sad I'm fairly sure that there is absolutely nothing you've done wrong. It'll be easier for him to blame you because if he's met someone else, he'll be feeling guilty and wanting to justify his own behaviour. His affair is not your fault.

Not sure about all the other stuff, but your marriage didn't end because of adultery did it? You were separated when he started the relationship so the marriage had already broken down.

In any case, adultery is, so I've heard, a difficult one to prove. I've seen other posters saying you either have to have the other party admit it or need photos of them doing the dirty. Not sure how true that is, but it's an awful lot of hassle - and for what gain?

Are you just looking to speed the divorce up?

To be honest I don't know what I'm asking I'm just sat hurting and wishing there was something I could have done to salvage something. I'm feeling low and upset and in pain and just basically heartbroken so I don't even know what I'm writing or why. I don't know if it's all temporary but i can tell you that I'm terrified of the conversation where he confirms that it's over. I wouldn't mind but it's mental torture he's been telling me he loves me and says we have to much to lose then one day he's gone. I've never in my life felt pain like this I wouldn't wish it on anyone.