Hi, just to let you know I don't post much anyway but have name change (I don't know why I'm saying that, I guess because it's my first post under this account name)
It's been an awful day so am really sorry that this will be a bit of a jumble, but here goes...
For a bit of background info; I am 25 and OH is 29. We unexpectedly fell pregnant when I was 23 but were over the moon, and since our desired age gap was more important than my youngish age, decided to TTC number 2 this year. I'm now 21 weeks pregnant, and everything has been bliss. We were so happy to conceive and have all of our little plans for the future in place.
Tonight everything has been pretty much ruined and I'm just beside myself, genuinely exhausted trying to think of how we will cope as a family unit.
I need to say before I continue that it everything was perfect when I found out I was pregnant. OH had a really abusivr childhood and bad relationship before he met me. He struggled on and off with low moods, sometimes (often) fdrinking to self medicate. Things improved when we fell pregnant but due to a delay getting decent accommodation we lived witH my parents for a few months leading up to and after the birth of DD. This did not suit him at all and he would often "escape" while I was pregnant by going out and getting drunk and staying at friends. This later escalated when our DD was a fee months old to him taking codeine painkillers at night to get to sleep if he wasn't drinking. He hid this well and i didn't know until I found some empty packets.
I grew up with a father who drank all day and there is sub stance abuse amongst my siblings, which started at a fairly young age. In fact I am the only one out of 4 not to go through some kind of drug or alcohol abuse. Because of this I have a lot of anxiety around substance abuse as our home life was very chaotic growing up.
So on discovering his issues I felt devastated, but of course stood by him as he is obviously genuinely suffering and trying to self medicate. He was and is still a great dad and is never abusive, mean or even rude, to either of us. Even at his lowest. But the problem is it's the drinking to excess on occasion and taking strong pain killers that is getting me so fraught.
We have been together 4 years and I have always been very supportive and open about his problems and have always encouraged him to seek proper help or therapy. However I have anxiety issues myself so at times, especially with a young baby to care for, I was probably more upset that understanding a lot of the time. I admit to feeling (internally) to him wanting to just get better. This is incredibly callous i know.
Fast forward to our daughters first birthday and everything is massively better. He rarely drinks, never "escapes" even if he does, and no more pain killers. We have our little house, I go back to work and it's all great, we want another baby etc and the up and down past is behind us.
Back to today (well last night actually). OH wants go to a pretty rare visit to a friend's house and of course i say okay. I have been worrying as he's been in a lower mood recently, so I do gently mention to make sure he comes back at a sensible time.
That was last night, and to cut a long story short he went out til about 9pm tonight, even though I'd been messaging him all day saying how tired I was and that I wasn't feeling well. Since coming home I've also found out he's been starting to take codeine at night again since about 5 weeks ago.
We have a 2 year old DD and I'm pregnant with out second. I don't know if I'm tired and overreacting but I just feel like I can't cope with all of this (again) on top of pregnancy. I thought it would be so differect now :( what would you do?