Can't cope anymore

[Fiddlesticks11]

I'm 40 weeks + 2 days pregnant and feel so depressed.
I have 2 daughters (8 & 6) and I'm expecting a boy any day now.
I've been with my OH for 18 years and married for almost 10. Since having kids our marriage took a downturn. My OH had a one night stand with a stranger using a dating app 2 days after we conceived our little baby boy that we're currently waiting to arrive any day now.
I found out the night he did it through his suspicious behaviour and the following day he later confessed.
I kicked him out our home but then discovered I was pregnant 4 or so weeks later. After much thought I decided I couldn't abort the baby & gave our marriage a go.
The problem is I don't feel I've been able to think straight about us because I'm pregnant and we've done nothing but argue the whole 9 months. My OH says I've made his life hell these past 9 months but I feel he is such an insensitive, uncaring man. Tonight following another row he told me he thinks I'm a poisonous, mean spirited woman that hates to see him happy.
I'm just so down & anxious & scared for the future. I'm 36 but feel my life is over. I'll be a mother to 3 kids with a man who hates me & who I feel I've wasted my life on.
I love him very much but can't get over what he's done or face up to the reality of who he really is now.
I'm constantly crying & extremely emotional. I just can't keep it together & have turned into such a mess.
Would anyone have any suggestions about what I should do or help with coping emotionally while all this is going on?

Couldn't read and run. What a difficult situation for you. I haven't been in your position but I know that if this was me, I'd rather be alone with my children than stay and be this unhappy.

Does he show any remorse for what he did? Does he allow you to be upset and sad about what happened?

I'm so sorry you're going through this at what should be such a happy time for you

Initially he did show remorse but after a few weeks was sick of going over it & is now very frustrated with me.
I'm confused and unsure of what is real and what is my emotions. I get upset by something he does/doesn't do and bring it up then I'm told I'm a trouble maker & willing things to go wrong.
I'm then left wondering if I am over reacting to everything or is he painting me as a psycho who is making his life hell.
He can explain away everything that I raise as pathetic and a non issue. He thinks I'm a nut job and that all I do is criticise him but won't accept any criticism back.
His nickname for me is Princess Perfect because apparently I think I can do no wrong. I keep trying to point out that I'm pg & hormonal as well as trying to process his cheating but apparently I'm like this all the time & that's just an excuse.
I'm at my wits ends.

Sorry you are going through this.

I can relate to some extent. After 10 years together, my partner became awful when i got pregnant (planned and longed for for two years) and finally moved in with him. He wouldn't lift a finger in the house, my stuff sat in suitcases in the garage, he wouldn't get house ready for baby. I was in tears at midwife appointments and it was a blight on an otherwise lovely pregnancy.

I totally lost respect for him. And realised he obviously didn't really care for me or our baby. We soldiered on once baby arrived, but I was miserable. When baby was 18 months I discovered that he was cheating on me - I kicked him out. I won't lie, it was really tough but it's been a year now and I know that I am happier than I was with him.

I remember feeling despair that I was growing old with a man who disrespected me.

Please know that your life is not over. If you can't make it work, it's sometimes better to end things. Better for you and for your kids.

Otherwise if there's a glimmer of hope, couples counselling may help?

Try to focus on your new baby. This is the beginning of a new time for you all, good things can happen, your life is not over x

My DH has been like that all his life. I used to care, now I don't. It feels like freedom to stop caring if he loves me; if he wants me; if we're going to go forward together.

Just care about you, your children, your life and your baby.

He'll still be an asshole when he's an old man wanting your nursing care.

Life is a drama; one puts one different faces in different situations.