I'm so lost

[1233332q]

Hi, sorry I'm pretty new to this but I'm just looking for someone to talk to.
I've been with my partner for 4 years. We have had such a loving happy relationship until just recently. When we moved in together we started bickering as he expects me to do everything. We both work, he comes home and does nothing. I do all the shopping cooking cleaning even down to the morning coffee. He's never made a hot drink or poured a glass of juice. He wakes me every morning to go make him coffee and breakfast. I'm exhausted. He doesn't like me to be sat down, as he says it helps him relax when I'm doing things around the house. I just want one evening to sit and watch tele. It would be bliss. Recently he's started becoming nasty, he calls me a fat, a slag, tells me to die. He left yesterday afternoon saying he didn't want to be with me. Then he come back around 11pm. Said the usual sorry etc.
Then this morning left again because He wanted breakfast but we needed to go shopping first. However he didn't want to take me etc. He's broken 4 doors in the house. He man handles me. Pins me to the bed to try get my phone to smash it etc.
I went to go to bed, however he told me I couldn't sleep in that room and to get in the spare bed. I said that I couldn't as we haven't got any bedding for that bed. He said it's not his problem. So I'm now sleeping on the sofa. He's so angry and it's really effecting my mental health. I suffer with anxiety and depression. I just needed to offload. Sorry if it's a long post. I love him so much and I just don't know what to do.

You don't love him, what you feel is traumatic bonding.

“All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way.” - Bel Hooks

He's not a 'lovely man'. He's an absolute cunt. It'll get worse too.

I'm sure you love his DD, but you're no use to her like this.

Get out. Get her some support.

You know what he thinks? That women are pathetic. They are so easy to manipulate...give 'em a smile, give 'em a hug and they will work themselves to the bone for you. Yell a bit, raise your hand to them and they will work even harder, because they want to make you smile at 'em again...

To him, women are lesser beings, only good to cook, clean, wait on him hand and foot, oh, and bring in money to the household, because he'll be thinking of giving up his job soon, so he can keep an eye on the way you run the house...

Is that what you want, OP? I doubt it. But the 'nice' him won't come back, why would it? You work even harder when he's nasty...

'We have had such a loving happy relationship until just recently. '

I don't get this, has he had a personality change? He sounds appalling.

This IS who he is
If it wasn't, he wouldn't be doing it

The mask has slipped and he is telling you loud and clear who he really is. Listen to the horrid shit, for his actually confirming that horrid shit is who and what he is.

Get out now if you possibly can. Perhaps tell him just that you are going to get stuff for his dinner, but once out do not go back. Go to a friend's house, or family, or a police station.

Why do you love him? he is an abusive arsehole who will never change.
You are in love with the idea of being in a relationship which this isn't.
I would have slung him out by now for sure.

I wonder why his first wife/dp left him?

This will only get worse - please please leave and if you have concerns re your step daughter then please inform social services.

Do you have family? friends you can go to? He doesn't love you - you don't tell people you love to die :( Fuck, you don't tell ANYONE to die. He is fucked up.

Why on earth do you think this isn't the real him? What's not real about it?

Let's assume that he is only like this with you and is truly a brilliant father which is seriously unbelieveable Well, obviously you are a terrible influence on him, so the kindest thing to do would be to leave. Leave today. You say he was lovely until you moved in together, so move out. Today. Or sooner.

But then he's lovely and makes me realise how he can be

...but chooses not to be, instead chooses to be a man who gets his kicks from domestic abuse.

Wtf are you judging him on how he chooses not to be, by ignoring his choice to be something that he could go to prison for because it's that serious.

Please get out..go home, to a friend, but leave. This is not a safe relationship!

C'mon OP the man is an abusive arsehole that is treating you like a servant, scrap up what's left of your self esteem and get away from him before as has been said he eventually kills you.

What the hell can you love about a man that calls you a fag slag, never mind the rest.

What is loveable about this twat, who smashes up doors and phones, pins you down and treats you like a skivvy?

I can't see it? Even with my magic goggles on.

Would you like your stepdaughter treated this way?!

There's your answer.

Are you living in a country where women are free and not enslaved? Are you living in a country where women can leave the house without a man's permission?

Yeah and he only ever loses it when his daughter is not there; of course.

You may find your depression and anxiety disappears once you get away from this disgusting excuse for a human being.

Until you get away you will continue to excuse it so it becomes normal to you.

Christ! And I thought I had it bad - Leave him!

R

On the outside everyone sees a lovely man, and I know this isn't who he is. He has never been like this. He will do absolutely anything for anyone. He helps with things that need fixing, takes me out etc. It's just this side of him that has exploded the last few months. Deep down I know this isn't him
No, this is him. How he is with you, is the true person he is. The reason it has only just emerged is because he is doing what all bullies do - luring you in with a false sense of security. I was married to a man like this and it takes a lot of strength to get out. But please listen to the others OP, you need to leave. And soon. He is breaking you down, get out while you still have some mental strength.

That's domestic abuse and he's treating you like a slave! This is not a relationship and he treats you with a complete lack of respect!

I mean u can't even have an evening relaxing on the sofa?!!! He finds it relaxing to watch u clean while he chills? He calls u names and u think he's going to change?

Pack all ur stuff and run as fast as u can. Make sure u cancel any direct debits with relation to bills and report him to the police.

As for ur SDD. I understand u love her but u need to love urself first!

If you really love your step-daughter then the best thing you can do for her is to leave - you're teaching her that being treated this way by a future partner is ok and normal.
And this is really really nasty abuse, its so far from acceptable and normal that you cant even see normal from here.

"We are our truest selves when there is no-one else to see" - the act he puts on when other people are around makes literally no difference in the nasty person he is when its just the two of you.

OP I hope u are okay.