How do I divorce my verbally abusive husband?

[isthisacceptable200]

Who can rant and rave at me out of nowhere (he was doing it yesterday). Can't think how much screaming and shouting he will do once I start a divorce .

For many reasons I don't want to move out of the family home while it is going through but might I have to if he becomes unbearable (and he will)? That would be so hard. And would it prejudice things in his favour?

We have 3 dc who are 11, 13 and 15.

I guess I am wondering if anyone has been through this and how you coped.

Hi isthis
I left my verbally and emotionally abusive ex partner 3 years ago. Over the years he'd ranted and raved at me too, used awful language, often within earshot of our children, even in public.
Also controlling and constantly undermining me.
I thought I had a good idea how he would react when I told him I was convinced he would refuse to leave so I decided to cut my losses and moved out of the family home into nearby rented accommodation. I've since managed to buy my own property however and he has bought part of my share of the family home.

I couldn't even tell him face to face initially so left a letter explaining what I intended to do and why. I returned home a few hours later to face him. I then moved out the next day. My children are a similar age as yours so to a degree understood my reasons ! They'd witnessed his mood swings and volatility albeit directed at me. Initially he promised to change but once he realised I meant business that was it.
On a positive note I'm so much happier, met someone else who actually treats me with respect, ex partner is still intermittently bitter and resentful towards me - hasn't really moved on to be honest but I no longer have to tiptoe around him. He can also be quite obstructive Many of my friends and work colleagues have commented on how much more contented and self assured I am now after years of being brow beaten by him. Kids are obviously much happier although oldest son who is 14 feels v sorry for him and downplays how he was.
Hope that helps a bit !

It is reasonably common to have to stay living together whilst divorcing, mostly due to lack of finances.

I think it's important to focus on the children and the impact it has on them.Conflict is more damaging as opposed to separating.Where possible I think one party moving out is best.It gives each of you a chance to handle emotions away from each other.
However he may react better once he knows the decision is final, perhaps he also unhappy and may see benefits of separating.
I know a couple who have lived together for 9 months whilst separating, it's been a war zone at times with police being called over minor incidents as each try to prove that the other one is abusive.

See a solicitor and try to determine what will happen with finances..if it's likely you will stay in the house anyway (because finances allow) he maybe more open to moving out.
Each of you will need a separate space if you stay in the house, do you have spare bedrooms? Can't imagime how it would work without it.
Does he have close family or friends? Someone advising him to take a long term view could really help to smooth over the transition.