Handhold/Backside kick please!

[Justbreaking]

So today it has become apparent my 18month relationship is over.
I'm being ignored, which is highly unusual, after an argument.
Basically he cheated for an extended period of time and was also EA at times. I put distance between us but we did get back together, and being utterly fair he at least appeared to be trying to change and being a decent person. However I've seriously struggled and maybe not given credit where it's due.
I had another go last night and it wasn't warranted because I was wrong, it did seem a strange situation, but proof shows on this occasion, I was wrong. Apart from one short conversation this morning I've been totally ignored.
I'm swinging from apologies to fuck you and I just need a to
A) write it all down and
B) have some support through the next few days of wanting to alternately beg him and kill him.
Right now I'm thinking screw you. You're probably doing this to punish me, and to go shag someone else and feel less guilty because you've told yourself I'm the arsehole.
Anyone else been there?
NC and sketchy details because I don't want this connected with my usual posting name.

He thinks little everyone.
Try not to take it personally.
You know you are far better off without him.
Keep yourself busy.
Look after yourself.

Thanks hells.
I'm still struggling a week on. He's been in touch over some stuff he left here. He can have it back. I've told him I'll leave it outside for him to collect. He said he's sorry for ignoring and that he's just been busy with work and the gym. ERM not to mention the other woman!! I didn't bite. Feels like shit this does. He just swans off and has fun with a new one and I'm here struggling to understand what the fuck I did to deserve it all. I was on my own for a long time before him, I was lonely and no one really wanted to know. I'm not scared of being alone, I'm just fed up of not being good enough for anyone to want a relationship with, for anyone to love properly, to be treated with some respect. I don't think I'm a bad person but then I guess bad people don't think they are either, so who knows.
Getting out and doing stuff but then when I'm alone it all descends again.

You will be ok, it takes time, some of us get hurt more than others, I'm still raw about my ex cheating. Like you I was on my own for a while before I met him and I was lonely. I'm now 6 months after break up and beginning to enjoy being on my own, it's so much easier.
You didn't do anything wrong and you deserve better than him. Stay strong x

This has been so hard. I broke down a bit during the week, we were in contact and it just screwed me right up, I had to uninstall and reinstall messenger and whatsapp but I've managed to delete everything, blocked him on fb etc. I just feel tired and empty yet emotional and tearful all at the same time.
I've been rejected by someone I invested so much in to. It hurts, I get it's going to do that. Not really sure how to get through this first bit. I miss him, I feel lonely, we talked all the time. I just feel so unworthy. If even a scumbag like that isn't interested then what chance do I have of a decent and good relationship?

just it will take time, I'm still recovering, I still gave rubbish days. My do was living with me, he followed me around like a sheep, we did everything together but we also argued a lot and when he said he was at work he was meeting other women. I don't think I miss him as such, just miss what I thought we had but I have to keep reminding myself of how he brain washed me, how he made me depressed due to the baggage he came with, how he controlled me. One day I will find someone who will treat me well and be genuine, not a fake.

Yes music, I think I miss what I thought I had rather than what I actually had. He still can't leave me alone. I thought I'd blocked him on WhatsApp when I deleted and reinstalled but I obviously hadn't because he messaged. I blocked then deleted. But it totally messed me up even more. He's moved on to screw up someone else's life, he ended it, why can't he just leave me alone now?
Rant over!!

Was there definitely another woman or is your mind just in overdrive?

He definitely cheated on me twice in our relationship (that I know and had proof of) he continued a relationship with his ex (she knew about me) while living with me, and another one who was his mates gf.
When I became suspicious about things he'd smother me with attention and if that didn't divert me he'd start accusing me, and if that didn't work then get aggressive, usually when I'd asked what should have been a simple question about something but the answer would reveal his cheating. He denied it all vehemently, even when confronted with evidence he still tried to lie his way out, and when he couldn't he then said he was doing it because I was - haven't, never did and his 'evidence' was made up and non existent.
After I left him he begged, pleaded and yes on the surface, he changed his ways. Then things started creeping in like before, things that didn't add up, things that should have been simple to explain but he'd bluster and get angry and it'd be 'I don't know' or 'It's not my fault'
Then he ignores me for a week, then tells me 'his heads not in it anymore'.
No, because his dick is in someone else!!
So no, this time I have no absolute proof but what do you reckon the chances are?!

If he tries to contact you again I would reply with 'please don't contact me again'. My ex was arrested for harassment, he messaged me via text and what's app, I asked him to stop and then blocked him, he then tried email and even messaged me pretending to be his mate. He's now not allowed to make any contact with me for a year.

I found evedence of at least 2 woman on his phone and he also came home with a pair of woman's knickers in his suitcase after working away, he still tried to deny it and begged and pleaded with me. Every time I questioned anything he would make me feel like I was imagining things, then he would be extra nice to me for a few days. It was all fake.

I reckon the chances are this time he's innocent and thats why he's lost it, forgetting completely of course why you dont you trust him in the first place. Its doomed either way.

Block him
Keep him gone.
He's a serial cheat and they don't change.
Who cares if you have proof this time.
Please also get some counselling for yourself.
The fact you took him back after what he did shows that your self-esteem needs some work.
Your boundaries also need a lot of work.

He's still blocked on everything. I actually don't want anything to do with him right now, not sure if that'll change again but I need to keep thinking like this.
Hells - what exactly do you mean by boundaries needing a lot of work? I don't have any self esteem, never really did but what I had is now completely gone.
I took him back I think because I just had nothing left to fight with, he'd taken everything I had and kept pushing and taking, I felt defeated and just couldn't fight. There's a small corner that's reignited so to speak, that I can fight with, that I've blocked and deleted him with. Hopefully that will grow.
Dr gave me citalopram. Also self referred to counselling - 12 week waiting list at present, I can't afford more than a couple of private sessions so that's not really an option.