Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Man I am seeing had sex with a colleague whilst we are dating...

46 replies

PollyAndy · 19/05/2017 18:40

Hi,

I am a regular poster on here but I have name changed for anonymity.

I am feeling very confused right now, and I have in the past struggled to navigate OLD. I have been 'seeing' a guy for the last month, we have been on four dates so far. We have loads in common and our dates have lasted for hours at a time. We talk daily.

On the 3rd date things got pretty steamy and we ended up having sex. I then messaged him later that day to say that I didn't want to continue a sexual relationship with someone when I wasn't sure if they were sleeping with other people. He responded that this was fine, he didn't want to sleep with other people nor was he looking to, and he wasn't a 'player'.

Anyway cue today at work. I am gushing about new guy to some of my work colleagues and one woman looks very embarrassed. She came over to me at the end of our work day and she said had met the same guy I have been seeing and they'd had casual sex only last week. This was after he'd told me he didn't want to sleep with other people.

My immediate reaction was anger at being lied to. Then I spoke to a couple of my friends who said I was overreacting as it was still early days, we barely know each other and there was no formal or explicit agreement for commitment. Another said he is just keeping his options open and probably told me he didn't want to have sex with other people so as not to scare me off. Whilst I can see their points of view, I can't shake the fact he lied to me about not wanting to have sex with other people.

Should I cut my losses with this one, or is this par for the course with OLD?

OP posts:

Cricrichan · 19/05/2017 23:05

Yuck. Ditch him.

blueshoes · 19/05/2017 23:28

Once a liar, always a liar. For them, talk is cheap. He will almost certainly cheat behind your back.

PsychedelicSheep · 19/05/2017 23:31

Just talk to him about it and see what he says. Then make your decision based on that.

skincarejunkie · 19/05/2017 23:33

Man you were seeing. Get rid!

Valentine2 · 19/05/2017 23:33

Ditch. Run. Fast.

TrishanFlips · 19/05/2017 23:38

Ditch. He can't be trusted.

AyeAmarok · 19/05/2017 23:43

Definitely dump.

There was no need to lie. He's not an honest person. If you excuse this, in a few months or years you'll be on here wondering how to stop your DP from texting/sexting/shagging other women, and wondering why you're being treated like shit.

Creampastry · 20/05/2017 06:55

Ditch him!

OnTheRise · 20/05/2017 09:23

He's lying to you. That's a deal-breaker. So sorry.

scaryclown · 20/05/2017 09:29

Eh?
You are dating..not married. There's a bit of an understanding, but you need to have 'the conversation's if it's going to be proper serious. If you were 16-18 then maybe every guy you kiss has to be exclusive until it ends, but not as adult dating.. otherwise everyone would have awful relationships because..maths..

MissT2095 · 20/05/2017 09:30

Run for it! There could be more than just your colleague

Dozer · 20/05/2017 13:03

They did have the conversation, before he shagged OP's colleague.

badabing36 · 20/05/2017 13:07

Who are these friends? Why are they encouraging you to take shit from men?

FormerNymphet · 20/05/2017 13:22

It's too early for this much work. He will just continue to do it. Then in 5 years time you will wonder how you got yourself into this shit and why you allowed yourself to be so misrable.
Whoops sorry for projecting!

Find someone who values you.

Huskylover1 · 20/05/2017 14:19

Do not contact him. When he next texts you, text him back with:

"Had an interesting chat with XX about you today"

(XX = your colleagues name)

Then do not reply to anything further that he sends.

humanfemale · 20/05/2017 15:19

Gross. If he felt a connection with you he wouldn't have shagged someone else, no way. Seems like he doesn't value you so I'd ditch him.

Oblomov17 · 20/05/2017 15:35

"Had an interesting chat with XX about you today"

Agree. He's a player.

Outedlasttimenamechangeagain · 20/05/2017 20:29

He lied to you, at the beginning of a potential relationship. You have seen the evidence for this.

He disregarded how you would feel and couldn't take accountability for his actions.

I would not pursue this, I would break it off. Who knows what else he has lied to you about or could lie to you about.

HelenaDove · 21/05/2017 02:02

Isnt it funny how British men have accepted the American concept and import of multi dating so readily.

I wonder if they would accept the American concept of dealing with Child Support so readily if that was imported over here.

I suspect not!

Trills · 21/05/2017 08:38

What are you on about? America has nothing to do with this.

You sound like one of those ignorant people who blames any concept or phrase they consider to be new on "Americanism".

It's not just men who have accepted the concept of dating, and we are not talking about the rights and wrongs of dating, we are talking about how it is wrong to LIE about whether you are exclusive.

The CSA has been around for 25 years.

NotHotDogMum · 21/05/2017 08:56

Tell him what you know and Run for the hills.

Flip

1 2