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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help I need a life!

16 replies

mama123 · 15/03/2007 21:51

Hi, I have a bit of a long story but will cut it short to the point. My h left me nearly 4 months ago now, as he'd been having an affair blah blah. He now with this person. I am happy and have moved on met someone etc. The problem is, he is not that happy with her and seams to have an on/off relationship with her. I of course want a life of my own, meaning he should take the children, but there is always something going on in his life with her which means he can't take the children, this has only happened over the last couple of weekends. But I am getting a bit pissed off with this as I can't get some time out from the children.

What does anyone think? There is a lot more too it than this but would go on for ever, if anyone has been in a similar situation plese let me know, I am pretty fed up at the moment.

Thanks a lot.

OP posts:
fransmom · 15/03/2007 21:54

hi mama123 i don't have anything constructive to add sorry but will keep it bumped for you (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Tortington · 15/03/2007 21:55

can't you make this a legal and binding agreement?

stop fucking about get solicitors involved

Original poster
mama123 · 15/03/2007 22:05

Hi, thank to both of you, blimey custardo you don't mince your words. I am a little reluctant with solicitors at the mo, but am being told left right and centre to do as you say. I suffer from the ostrich thing, head in sand, let it all go..

OP posts:
fransmom · 15/03/2007 22:28

go to the solicitors is a very good idea - most have free "surgeries" where you have an intial discussion and then go from there. pleeeeeeease go sweetheart ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Tortington · 16/03/2007 08:15

he can dick you about right left and centre - get a legally binding thing.

go go go today!

good luck - realise my last post sounded blunt to you -rather than me being pissed of for you.

sorry

AMAZINWOMAN · 16/03/2007 09:35

i was in a similar position where my ex refused to take kids as he knew i would be going out! i saw a solicitor to find out my rights, and she said that even if you draw up contract its difficult to force contact and to get ex to keep to agreement.

i dont have answer,in end i just decided he is the one losing out not seeing his kids. ive never stopped it, and last year he only saw them once.

i dont bad mouth him in front of kids, one day they will realise what a w*er he is. i think one of my kids is starting to see that for himself anyway

but yes, i do feel i have sacrificed a life for now, well its on hold anyway for now.

mylittlestar · 16/03/2007 09:49

Is there anyone else who can look after them for you now and again just to give you a break?

If that's his attitude I probably wouldn't even want him to see them anymore.

He sounds like a w ker and tbh I'd have an agreement drawn up so that you get full custody and he never gets to see them! Then the day he realises he's been a selfish a hole and is missing out on his own kids growing up, it'll be too late!

You can't force him to be a good dad or to care about seeing his own kids. So let him have things his own way and let him miss out forever. He'll realise one day!

on your behalf

Original poster
mama123 · 16/03/2007 20:24

Hi, thanks you guys.

I know I really should go and see a solicitor asap.

I do have his parents to look after them, but of course I don't like to keep asking and you can't relax of an evening knowing you should be getting back.

I was hoping to find a professional babysitting service, anyone know of such things rather than through friends etc?

OP posts:
Mummy2TandF · 16/03/2007 20:29

Mama123 - where abouts do you live?

Original poster
mama123 · 16/03/2007 20:41

Hi Mummy2, I am in Hampshire

OP posts:
BecauseImWorthIt · 16/03/2007 20:46

I would keep asking his parents - they might then put some pressure on him to do the right thing!

And definitely go to a solicitor.

Original poster
mama123 · 16/03/2007 20:52

His parents are divorced and they don't speak to him much and probably wouldn't say anything anyway

OP posts:
Mummy2TandF · 16/03/2007 20:52

Oh - that's a shame, was going to offer my services but I am too far away ... I know only too well how it feels not to be able to "have a break" - look after yourself

Original poster
mama123 · 16/03/2007 20:57

thanks anyway Mummy2 x

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 17/03/2007 22:15

Bumping for you in case anyone can help with the babysitting in Hampshire area...

I know what you mean about not being able to relax

I'd love to help too but am in the North West so no good. Unless you want to come up here to stay, I'll get my parents to watch all the dc and we'll go out on the town!!

Original poster
mama123 · 20/03/2007 23:05

Thanks Mylittlestar, I have been in touch with a friend who does odd jobs and have enlisted her for some paid babysitting. So fingers crossed it will work out soon.

OP posts:
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