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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure what to do....

13 replies

Aloveheart · 15/03/2007 19:56

I have separated from my ex husband about a year and 5 months ago. I have two dc. It is parents evening for my eldest on the 20th and ex told me he couldn't make it, so dp is coming. Now my ex said he can make it but my ex doesn't want to be anywhere near dp. So i don't wanna upset dp by saying he shouldn't go, but can't really tell ex not to go they are his kids after all. In abit of a pickle tbh. What would you do?

OP posts:
LilyLoo · 15/03/2007 19:58

Do you think your DP would understand as he knows you would have liked him to be their ?

lou33 · 15/03/2007 19:58

tell ex to make a separate appointment himself?

tribpot · 15/03/2007 19:59

Agreed - I think your dp needs to be reasonable even if it isn't fair.

Original poster
Aloveheart · 15/03/2007 20:00

I have sort of hinted to dp that perhaps he shouldn't go. My dp has no problem with ex it's ex that has a problem with dp. I think i will have to say to dp that he shouldn't go. but i know he really wants to. oh pants!!

OP posts:
kiminutter · 15/03/2007 20:01

Agree with lou33, my ex makes an appointment at a different time so our paths don't cross!

LilyLoo · 15/03/2007 20:02

Is it not better though that you manage to put on a united front at these events? Even if you don't really want too.

tribpot · 15/03/2007 20:03

It's awful because your dp is trying to do the right thing, and all credit to him, by taking an interest in your kids to the extent of going to parents' evening. 10/10 for dp. But alas he isn't their dad and in situations like these, he has to take a back seat. As I say, very unfair, but other than lou's suggestion of a separate appointment (do teachers do that?) I can't see what else can happen.

FWIW, my step-dad did all my parents' evenings with my mum, because my dad was in another country. I now see this was fortunate!

Original poster
Aloveheart · 15/03/2007 20:04

I do get on ok with ex just ex and dp. It's too late to make anther appointment now I think. I know what i need to do just needed someone else's point of view. I think i will try to be sympathetic and tell dp would probably be best for him not to go.

OP posts:
shimmy21 · 15/03/2007 20:06

Yes of course teachers make separate appontments for separated parents. They will also see you and dp another time (different day) after school instead if you explain that it would be better for you and your x not to be there together.

lou33 · 15/03/2007 20:09

yes they are perfectly willing to see you outside of parents evening if it is not convenient

i went to one this evening, but they could only fit me in to see ds1's teacher, not dd2's

but they sent me a note saying to make an appointment at my convenience if i want to have a meeting

if exh were in the uk i would be telling him to make his own appointment

Original poster
Aloveheart · 15/03/2007 20:10

Ex said he couldnt' go you see and i arranged for my mum to babysit and then me and dp could go. But then ex threw a spanner in the works and said actually he could go. He's always doing things like that. He text me saying today that he wanted to come saturday but hasn't got paid so cant' it's 45 min walk. So now i'm wondering if he'll come to parents evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloveheart · 15/03/2007 20:12

just txt ex to see if he's still coming GRRR said probably. I said he could maek an appointment at a more convienient time hoping he takes the hint. lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aloveheart · 15/03/2007 20:12

Thanks for replys btw.

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