Posted this in general health too because I'm not sure which section it's best suited to:
Been doing some research about DD2 (7) who we've been having a few issues with of late (very able academically, has a few phobias, hair being touched etc), and I ended up reading some stuff about Asperger's/ASD and it hit me like a train that my husband of more than a decade has a lot of the traits associated with ASD. I don't want to fall into cliché but here are some of the things that have made me wonder:
- he has real difficulty forming relationships
- has v few friends i.e. it's just me and our mutual friends really
- very, very good at his job (particularly the technical side) but has a lot of difficulty forming relationships in the workplace, which makes his working life quite hard
- poor facial recognition - he really struggles to recognise people even when he's met them a few times. He told me recently that he relies a lot on hair to recognise people so if someone changes their hair he finds it really hard to recognise them.
- he is painfully blunt. We met at university where he pissed everybody off by just saying exactly what went through his head and not understanding why anyone would mind hearing anything negative about themselves. I remember, years ago, him saying to me when I was upset about something quite offensive that he said something along the lines of, "well, I don't know why people mind criticism, don't they want to know what their flaws are so they can work on them". He's got better over the years because I've spent so much time trying to help him understand what is and isn't offensive but he's still something of a liability in company!
- finds social situations really difficult (unless there is a 'theme' or topic) i.e. he's fine on football
- is phobic about certain kinds of textures in food - anything sticky basically. He gets really freaked out if the kids are eating stuff like that and get it on their fingers or on the table
- is a bit obsessed with planning and routine. He's quite stressed at work at the moment and his reaction is to want to schedule everything at home down to the last minute
He is, it is fair to say, not that easy to live with. But his view has always been that I'm oversensitive. I think over the years I've come to believe that and have just learnt to modify my behaviour so I'm less upset by the things he says. And to be fair I think he's made real efforts to be more understanding too. But reading some stuff about Asperger's made me think that actually a lot of his behaviour, and the difficulties we have had, would be explained by this. Or maybe I'm jumping the gun? I just really don't know. And also, I have no idea how I'd raise any of this with him. I mean we did have one drunken lighthearted conversation a few months back about how he might be on the spectrum but we've never discussed it again.
But, if it is a real thing, then I think it would really help our relationship. And help him - in his workplace, with the kids etc to understand a bit more about it.
If anyone out there has any experience or thoughts on this I'd love to hear them.
Have name changed so I'm not too recognisable because it all feels a bit personal.