Trying to move on but see ex dh most days

[Clockworkbanana]

Dh left me a few months ago, his decision, I was heartbroken. I know it's early days but I feel like I'll never move on if things don't change.

We are still very amicable for the sake of Dd, seeing each other most days when he picks her up or drops her off and have also had a couple of afternoons out all together.

He comes for tea maybe once a week.
This all seems to benefit Dd and in some ways its a comfort to me as I still sort of have him around, but I think I'm making things more difficult for myself.

Any experiences or advice?

Me and DP split almost 3 weeks ago. I moved out on Friday. On that day I blocked him on fb and whatsapp. At present I do not plan to see him anytime soon... it is the only way for me to move on. I am putting a wall up as much as I can. We do have DC and will contact about them if necessary of course but drop offs/pick ups will be at the door and that's it. I know that if I still had him in fb I would check out and question everything on his profile! Must admit I am wondering what he is up to but that thought does quickly pass by keeping myself busy. Our split was quite amicable. .. we had grown apart and I know it is for the best but personally I would have dragged it out and kept my head in the sand for a bit longer! I honestly do think as little contact as possible is the best way forward. X

What you need to do is make plans for when he's picking DD up on so when he comes round, you are ready to go out and you can't hang around with him.

Start doing that from now on and cut off the family outings.

You aren't making him see what he's missing by doing that... Because he's not missing out.

To make someone miss something, you stop giving it to them.

It's like women who still have sex with an Ex. He won't miss it, because he's still having it.

Whilst not a case of infidelity, the 180 will help you move on

healinginfidelity.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/the-180-for-unfaithful-spouse.html?m=1

You are living in the past. You are also making this split very easy for your ex. He gets to visit when he wants for how long he wants! Oh and gets to go wherever he wants!

A girlfriend? I'd be very surprised if he didn't already have one.

He doesn't deserve you.

Tell him you all the contact between you is hindering you and you feel it's in your and by default dds interests to stop it.

You really have got nothing to lose (apart from your self respect if you continue)

You will be happy again

I left my husband two years ago and for the first 6-9 months we were the same, talking several times a day on the phone, he had keys to my house and used to collect our DS from daycare and bring him home and do his dinner/bath etc until I got in from work.

Probably a bit weird but he needed a transition period, he was devastated at the separation and although the band aid option may have been better, I think he would have fall m apart.

Basically you do what's right fo you at the time, the fact you are questioning this may mean you are ready to cuts back on some of that time together, you think and decide, you'll get there

The thing about less contact is it does help the healing.IT is empowering because you do manage on your own.

Co parenting and been amicable is a good thing.

The frequency of contact through text needs to stop. You can do this by not responding straight away..I always say block on fb.( if you are on it) let him know little about what you do.. It helps in response to you do things truely for you not considering what he will think.

Also him sitting down for a meal takes it away from been your home now..

My experience was similar to those of testnamechange and beingsunny. I don't think it was best for me but I felt it was the best road at the time for the children, and some aspects continue, e.g. celebration days that would in a normal set-up have both sides of the family present - children's birthdays, religious events - it would be weird and in my view unjust to either party if they were not shared.

Funnily or not ExH has moved from stamping his presence on every family event, including Mother's Day, whether I liked it or not, to now talking about separate Christmases.

I am still reflecting on how to reconcile my teeth-gritted insistence on making these days equal and fair and lovely (and wondering if I am controlling this somehow) because I do genuinely believe they are a better experience for the children (and there will be many shared life events for the next 20 years), and his new view that it is kinder to me to allow me to have them to myself.