Constant arguements now we have baby

[mum2amiracle]

Hi mums,
Totally lost with what to do, my little boy has been home for just over 2 months now and I feel like the relationship between me and his dad has completely changed, we used to be happy but at the minute I actually can't stand to be around him. I am questioning if I even love him anymore! I feel like he is not as supportive to me as I thought he would be when pregnant, I get frustrated that it's me that holds the place together and does 99% of caring for the baby so I end up snapping about it then I'm made out to be this nagging miserable person. When he's off work he still fits in nights out with friends, going to the gym etc. Even if those things were an option I am still to scared to leave baby with anyone else! I also feel like I am just becoming spiteful and hateful towards him and even his parents when they come to visit. I feel that me and baby are happier when it's just us two.

Are these feelings normal after having a baby? Or are we on a downwards spiral?

I should also add my son was born at 24 weeks and spent 16 weeks in NICU very unwell before coming home, so we have been in a very stressful situation! He has come home on oxygen and is very vulnerable to infections so we stay in quite a lot (cabin fever!) and this puts added strain on the relationship! My partner was amazing during our NICU days I couldn't have got through it without him- which is why i'm finding it even more of a shock how much the dynamics of our relationship has changed!!

Thanks x

How was your relationship like before you got pregnant ?

It was good on the whole.. we did still have the occasional arguements now and again but I don't think this was anymore than most couples would. But then are lives then where really carefree, we were always out with friends, going on fancy holidays, indulging in the finer things in life lol! Having a sick child was so not on our radar! (Though when is it ever for anyone!)

Its like day to day constantly getting at each other. I feel like we are picking at everything each other do. He works shifts and at the minute I find myself relieved when I know his long days or nights at work are coming up! I actually have considered moving over to my mums, but as she doesn't live in the same area I don't know how I could as his oxygen and community nursing team etc are all based here, so in that respect I also feel like I'm trapped here! It's getting unbearable!! X

This happened to us. My dh bought a book called How To Babyproof Your Marriage and we both read it. It was great and we almost never argue again now.

www.amazon.co.uk/Babyproofing-Your-Marriage-Laugh-Family/dp/006117355X?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I think it's normal for a baby to put a strain on any relationship. It did with ours! It's such a big change on it's own and usually is combined with sleep deprivation makes everyone grumpier. But it sounds as though your husband is still trying to live how he did before he had a child. I think he is being really unfair by going on nights out and to the gym in these early days. He really should be doing more around the house and be staying home more. It's not fair for it all to fall on you.

IMO u definetly need some time out. Try to fit in half an hour a day or an hour if you can where you go out and just recharge as constantly being indoors with an ill baby is hardwork.

Talk to each other... tell him you are finding it hard, tell him you want him to do more around the house and that he needs to stop behaving like a single man and act like a family man now.

A new baby can be draining, my DS is 4months so I feel I have a bit of breathing space now as he now has a routine, but you have it hard as your DC is unwell. A good support network helps at times like these.

You need to rely on one another and take sometime out for each other to at least discuss the problems otherwise it will snowball

Hope the stress eases off soon

We definitely argued more when number 1 was born. It got better over time but the initial adjustment was hard.

Yes we argued a lot too. It's a stressful time, especially if it's your first. You're both new to it and finding your feet. Not sleeping and all that jazz. Stay strong. Try to communicate and talk things out and share the load at home. It will get better.