Is he delusional?

[Dottydresses]

My (not so) Dh pretty much ended our marriage the other night. He told me he is done.

I am broken beyond belief.

These are some of the things he thinks:

1. marriage shouldn't take effort or the need to try - that it should all just happen instinctively- that we should be that in tune with each other everything just happens.

2. that arguments are a sign it is going bad - I've said it is healthy and normal to argue, it's what we do after that counts.

3. I should know what he is thinking and shouldn't have to ask "how are you / what's up etc etc" I should just KNOW

Please tell me that I am not the only one that thinks all the above is just ridiculous.
Love and life need constant effort and attention right?

I really do not understand and I really don't know what to do.
My world is falling apart.

Yes @Hermonie2016 I know he's not delusional in the literal sense... it was more of a WTF! Statement!
I just don't understand his statements because in life, love... in everything, you have to try, work, make effort to grow and be the best you can right? He doesn't see it that way.
He sees that he has been trying for nearly two years, but he never opened up and told me - so how could I be there to help and work through it with him. You can't fix something if you don't know the problem.

This does seem to be a pattern for his relationships.
sigh

If its a pattern at least you were forewarned but of course we always want to believe "this time is different". And it can be if your personalities and approaches gel, if they dont or stop doing, its just done. I totally get though why an OW would make sense, its an awful feeling to think you have simply lost your appeal to this person, not that they have been enchanted by someone else. The truth once you are split, whoever comes next is not the other woman they are just the next one. Its excruciating at the time but hopefully you will look back and thank him for letting you go.

@LesisMiserable if another women then it makes behaviour logical. At the moment, it is just because I am not enough anymore, not good enough and no longer what he wants. That's heartbreaking and soul destroying.

Yes , agree as I said.

The sun will come out again. You are more than enough: to the right person, to yourself for a while now, and to your daughter, you are EVERYTHING. I promise you, he's not heading off into happiness without you. A man who'll throw everything away and not even articulate a proper reason doesn't even know what he bloody wants out of life.

I know it is hard but really you need to flip this on it's head. Do you want someone who thinks you aren't good enough? Do you want to spend months 'working on' changing yourself because he feels who you are isn't good enough for him only for him to say it still isn't good enough and he's off?

No. You don't! Best case scenario you two just don't make each other happy because you have different and incompatible perspectives (not your fault). Worst case scenario he is a fucker that you are well rid of.

you need to flip this on it's head. Do you want someone who thinks you aren't good enough?

This

There does not have to be an OW, the script or gas lighting.
There are innumerable threads on here from women who are just not happy or fulfilled in their relationships and do not have an OM or plans to get one soon.

This is from a woman's perspective though. In the majority of threads on which the man upped and left, there has been an OW, even if it only became apparent months later.
If he was finding it so difficult for two years, why hasn't he been discussing and working on it for two years? And pretty coincidental timing that he bails just before marriage counselling?
OP.

Obviously there might not be an OW but brace yourself. You've suspected an EA? You're gut might have homed in on the meat of the matter.

Him denying an OW means nothing. Cheaters like you to be in the wrong so they deny deny deny. They are cowards.