Calling those of you who are siblings to cast your minds back please ...

[inanidealworld]

What things did your mums do or say to make you feel special? I think my DS (4) feels a bit usurped/threatened since his baby brother came along given that the amount of attention he gets has naturally reduced. We do try hard to give him quality time and reinforce daily how much we love him and how special he is but you can tell by some of his behaviour that he thinks his DB is a bit of a thorn in his side. Being an only child I can only guess at the insecurity he may be feeling. I want to make sure he knows without a doubt that they are both v. special. So what has stuck with you?

I was the youngest and never questioned how much attention I got...I was too busy hounding my brother to get his attention.

I've found with DS1 that it really helps when I show him how to play with DS2 and then gives him lots of praise for helping with his care. Now whenever he takes a toy from DS2 he goes and finds an alternative for him and he joins in with the nappy changing, talking to him when he's getting uptight etc. Then DS1 gets a huge hug and lots and lots of praise for being a great big brother and a big boy who can really help Mummy and Daddy. Also bedtime/story time is just with DS1 and again we chat about what a good big brother he is and how difficult it is to be patient etc. We also let them wrestle supervised on the floor, teaching DS1 how to take care on DS2. DS2 loves every minute and laughs away as he gets rolled around and DS1 glows with pride.

All this said DS2 is only 9 months so not at the real interfering stage....reckon that will be a whole new ball game.

I was 3 when my db was born and I still remember the day he came home.

I remember giving him a bath "all by myself" in a massive big blue baby bath. Well appeared massive to a 3 year old.

I remember helping my mum change his nappy and him sitting on my lap.

Wonderful, warm secure memories, my mum never told me off for touching him or being near him.

However I do remember getting told off for pushing him off the settee, well he was 3!! He still has the scars from where he fell on the dolls house!!

LucyJones - funny you should mention the names thing. DD is quite definite about "sweetiepie" being hers and hers alone. Apparently Imay only call ds "fellamelad"!
Fair enough though - it's obviously very important to her and it makes no difference to ds who couldn't care less what I call him (he's 18months).

I don't know, but GOOD FOR YOU for thinking about this and trying hard.

DB and I were primarily raised by our gran and she made it no secret that DB was her favourite!

And still does to this day!

I laugh about it really but also have awful, awful self-esteem issues, so it does make a difference.

I explained to each of mine as the next baby was due that although I was pleased to be having it, little babies are very tiring and not a great deal of fun to start with, so I would need their help. They were indeed quite helpful (for the most part), entertaining the baby, holding bottles, giving me a shout if he was crying etc - until he got a little older - then they all fought like cats in a sack, but on a fairly equal basis as they were close in age. That worked for the first three. I awarded myself an eight-year gap before having the fourth, by which time the older ones were able to be really useful.

They're all very different in character, so I'm able to tell each one individually what is special about him. I have tried to avoid ever comparing them with their brothers in a "why can't you be more like" way, though. I remember aunts and uncles asking me why I wasn't more like my sister and just how much I liked that. My father was a bit "Why can't you be more like your cousin so-and-so who at your age was making all her own clothes/got an A in all his exams/does a paper round..." but at least he didn't compare his own children with each other.

My mother just loved us all even-handedly, I don't think we ever doubted it. Even though my brother was the long-awaited only boy, and was treated as though he were delicate and precious as gold filigree, nevertheless I can't say I ever felt I was loved or valued less because he existed. It helped that he was a very affectionate, undemanding child though. (My sister has a different perspective, but she was never one to suffer unripe human beings gladly. She says he was a little monster.)

thanks everyone for your responses and will bear the good advice in mind