Desperate for son please help!

[Charlie97]

His alopecia is so extreme now, he's just called me and said he's not been to work this week. He's desperate he tells me he's broken, he can't deal anymore.

What the hell do I do? He's 25 and lives with friends. I want to go get him, he says no.

I can't leave him, I'm scared and he is scared.

Please someone give me advice, what to say or do?

How did it go yesterday Charlie? Did you get some answers and hope? (Nb. With areata there is always hope!).

Thank you so much for asking! The doctor (was about age 15) lovely, I didn't go in but my son came out a different person to when he went in.

He's given him a massive dose of steroids (not at home so can't remember the name, will post when I get back), six tablets daily for four weeks. Hopefully this will start the hair growing, but he cannot be on these tablets long, they have massive side effects. Then hopefully he can have the injections, currently it's too much for the injections.

Negatives are

It's quite widespread, he's still relatively young

Positives are

He can see short white "baby" hair.

He's more positive, he decided to go back to his flat. He knows our door is always open but I do think he needs to get back to normality. I'm hoping he'll go back to work Monday.

X

Prednisolone is the steroid that he's taking.

Some of the side effects are anxiety and aggression.

I called him earlier as he text asking if I had a form he needed. I'd put it in a bag, I would've had to print a further form if he'd not had it. I would have had to take it to him. I'd text but no response so I called him. He found the form.

I asked how's things etc.

He was really quite nasty to me, I know it's probably a side effect, but none the less I'm very upset at the way he spoke to me.

Someone hold my had please?

My DS suffered from this when he was 13, his was caused by stress due to bullying, it may be worth exploring possible stress factors and maybe seeing the gp to see if they can recommend something to alleviate such stress until the causes can be rooted out. As others have said shaven heads are popular at the moment so that could be an option. My DS wore a hat to cover his as he refused to shave his head, school allowed him to wear a hat at school, I am sure your DSs work would allow him to do the same given the circumstances if this is what he would rather do. It took my DSs hair about 6 months to grow back in the end but it did grow back and he hasn't had any problem since so hopefully it will get better for your DS. Sending best wishes to him.

He has shaved his head now, but its so patchy. I know he hates how he looks.

He's Bern off work over a week now, meeting with manager tomorrow.

It's all so awful.

I'm so sorry his mood has gone down again OP. It sounds as if he could do with some counselling to come to terms with this (even if it can be resolved, he's clearly very upset currently). Itbcoukd initially be abou handling stress, but it seems to me that he needs help seeing that he's the same person with or without hair, and that no one else sees it as making much difference. Do you think he might go? (I suspect he wouldn't be keen).

Right, this is a roller coaster!

He had a meeting (outside of the office) with his director and manager. They were fantastic (thank god for decent employers!!), told him to take further time off, that he needed to access counselling. Them saying it had spurred him on.

He did not show them his actual head, but did show them photos. They were fairly shocked at the spread.

However, the manager did say that one patch right near his sideburn that he had noticed when they were out in the car a couple of weeks ago. At that stage he said the patch was totally bald. He said he can now see some "bum fluff". This has cheered up DS.

I've not seen him since Saturday, seeing him tonight so will be interesting to see if I notice a change.

He told me when I called yesterday that he'd been looking in the mirror and thought he could not see any improvement. So he snapped at me and he was sorry.

Today has been a better day.

Thank you for listening.

X

Podstick, that is very encouraging! Thank you.

I used to work with someone who had alopecia. He was (and probably still is) smashing. He was perfectly comfortable in his skin and the women found him very attractive.

I'm sorry that your son is struggling. Is there a helpline or counselling service that could help.?

He definitely doesn't look ugly and he's lucky to have loving and supportive parents.

I don't have any advice about alopecia, but my DH has taken Prednisolone, his moods were vile for a while, very short of patience but it did soon pass. I just had to keep reminding myself it was just 'roid rage and that he didn't really mean it.

You sound so lovely and caring, just him knowing you're there must be a wonderful feeling for him, even if he doesn't always show it.

I really hope things improve soon.

Mike, he's not at that stage by any means yet. But it maybe that he has to learn to live with it. He s still at the hope stage.

Whip, did the aggression stop when he was still on the medication or once he'd stopped?

So sorry for your son. I remember a boy at school that had alopaecia. He kept what he had got long which probably 'stood out' to everyone worse than if he had shaved it off.

I think the flat cap look is a good idea. Nowt wrong with a bald heaed by the way. Plenty of good looking baldies out there! Hope he gets to feeling more confident soon.

He is so so down today, he won't come over, he says he can't go out.

I asked if he had any signs of regrowth, he said he can't even look anymore.

I'm worried for him and my heart is breaking for him.

Not sure if this helps but if he has baby hairs he could try the hair fibre sprays such as hair solution on Amazon. It's actual dark hair protein that sticks onto the thinning hairs... I've seen some good reviews and convincing photos on there... best of luck..

Mama thank you so much, I'll look now.

X

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the alopecia is not the issue, the depression is. Obviously the alopecia will be a large contributory factor to the depression but I suspect that he would still have some mh issues if his hair fully grew back. He may have to live for a long long time with the alopecia so his focus needs to be learning to live WITH it.

My 12 year old has had alopecia areata for 2 years now. Initially he lost 80% of his hair and ALL his finger and toenails. He made the decision to shave it all off very early on and it was heartbreaking for me. He had to start secondary school with bald patches all over his head. He has had children taking about him loudly 'behind his back'. He decided to stand up in front the class and give a talk on alopecia and then invited questions. I have not seen any element or it bothering him since that day. A football team mate got kicked odd the team for making a joke about it and my son liaised with the manager and got him back on the team, educated of course. I'm so very very proud.

Oh and today his alopecia is not noticeable. He has a couple 5cm bald patches that he can mainly hide under other hair. We had a recovery period once before but the loss returned whinch in some ways was worse than the first time. He has opted against any treatments and decided to go with whatever nature gave him.