My Dad is getting married and I'm struggling with it .....

[baggybelly]

A bit of background.... I come from what felt a secure family unit, parents married for 35 years, both parents worked hard to make ends meet. I have 3 younger siblings . All was relatively rosy until a few weeks before my DS was born when I received a text message off my Dad. Unfortuantely the text message wasn't meant for me - it was meant for his girlfriend. (He's not the sharpest tool in the box my Dad and technology such as mobile phones is all a bit mind boggling).

Without going through the finer details, within the weeks that followed he and my Mum split up and they have recently finalised their divorce. The split was amazingly amicable and I truly believe that my Mum is a much happier person now. 2 yrs later my Dad is now getting married on saturday to this woman. I have tried and tried to warm to this woman for my Dads sake....but OMG I am struggling. If the truth be known I CAN'T STAND HER!!!! I'm not convinced that my Dad is truly happy and I think he is just grasping for stability IYSWIM. I can't be angry with my Dad, just dissapointed.

I now have to face the wedding, look happy (how????) and try to accept this woman as part of our lives. Where on earth do I start? Any advice or experience MNers?

Sorry to hear this baggy - i don't have any experience of this sort of situation but I personally think that your conflicted emotions in this situation are completely understandable.

I think that you need to accept that your own feelings are completely valid. Being with this woman is your father's choice, not yours, and there is no reason why you should like her, although I can see that you probably don't want to hurt your Dad's feelings.

Could you have an honest chat with your Dad? Tell him that you are happy for him, but you find the situation difficult to deal with?

I'd love to - but me and my dad have never ever had that sort of openess before. I'm scared that if I did this he would tell his new 'wife' and she would flip, driving a wedge between me and Dad. She is the type of person who periodically argues and doesn't talk to her own children (something I just can't get my head around).

As an added worry I have PND at the moment - bought on with the birth of my dd recently. Probably causing some of the anxiety I'm sure. But it means that I am quite likely ball my brains out on saturday!

I hope that you have sought help for your PND. If not do speak to your hv or your gp asap. Is there anyway that you can go to the wedding, but stay for only the minimum time required? That way you have shown up and not given your dad's girlfriend any ammunition, you could use your new baby as an excuse to make an early exit. It sounds like, in order to maintain your relationship you need to attend, but it couldn't have come at worse time if you are suffering PND anyway. Will there be anyone there to support you through the day?

baggybelly,

You don't have to like her, or see her you can have nothing to do with her just your dad if you want to.

I can understand how you feel, my dad did the same my parents had been married for 25yrs when my mum found out he was having affair, they divorced 6 years later (mum went for legal seperation so he had to wait for 5 years before he could ask for a divorced).

They have been married i think for 8 years i don't know for sure as we weren't invited. Like you i don't like her she is a very selfish person and we don't see her, my dad has just been given a year to 18mth has he has abestoes, my sister has been ruuning dad to hospitals and visting him when he has been in hospital because she is to busy at work . He has to have a major operation in may which he is arranging it for when she is in america with a conference with work.

She is 2 years older then me and thinks the world revolves around her. Sorry have gone completely of what i was going to say.

I see my dad when she is not around, we have nothing to do with her.

If it was me i would tell my dad that i will not be attending his wedding, as it is still to soon for you.

thanks lizzie - sorry to hear about the situation with your Dad. I don't do confrontation very well which is why I think I'm being such a stress bunny over this. I think when ur parents have been together for so long you think it will always be that way

thanks rantum. have started on AD's for PND. which are helping. my dp will be with me on the day and he is v supportive. I just need to try not to drink as think alcohol + AD's + my emotions right now may not be the best of combinations.

My parents split when I was 10 and Dad remarried (to woman he was having an affair with) when I was 15. I did go, sat at the back of the church (despite other relative's trying to force my brother and I into sitting in the "important" front row) and cried all the way through.
I'm glad I went and that I did it "my way". I hated my SM at the time, but now have grown to really care for her, she is a good woman, just very different to my MOm.
How would your Dad feel if you didn't go? Would he hold it against you? Your Father is your Father and will understand your decision, esp if you are having a rough time anyway.
HTH

my dad would be devestated i'm sure. I think he'd understand if I didn't hang around in the evening and having 2 LO's is the perfect get out clause [phew]. I wish I could get on with her but I just don't trust her atm.

baggybelly,

It's only been 2years, my dad did this 15 years ago. I'm 37yrs old, my stepmum is 39yrs old. As i have already said none of us (my older brother same age as stepmum, me and my younger sister) like her, whether it's because of what she did to our mum or because she is not the sort of person we would choose as a freind.

You do not need to like her or get on with her your dad needs to understan that she has nothing to do with your relationship him.

It may be slightly different for me as i can honestly say that i have the same personaily as my dad and since the age of 13 we can not be in the same room without argueing. We go through phases where we see each other then we will go months without seeing or talking to each other.

good luck today baggybelly, try not to stress to much.