DH left me. Anyone got any positive life after being ditched stories? Sob.

[Sherbetdip1]

So we met at 17, got married, had 2 beautiful children, seemed to be living a good happy life and now out of the blue decides he doesn't know if he "loves me like a wife" anymore. Won't go to counselling, won't try and communicate to improve problems, moved out for four weeks to "think" and after I basically told him to come back and try or bugger off he's chosen the latter.

I am now trying to fake being over and done with the whole thing to try and retain some level of dignity but -we were together for 15 years. He was my best friend. And I love him still.

Anybody got any positive stories of being better off after being heartbroken? Everyone keeps saying oh youl be better off after this blows over but I just can't see it...my world has been destroyed, our kids are in bits and my future has been ripped apart - not to mention my heart.

Sob.

Anything positive? Any, I re-married a gorgeous millionaire and lived a life of luxury whilst my ex rotted in misery stories?

Ps before anyone says it - yes, I'm aware there's probably an OW about to make an appearance...

Not me but a good friend of mine was dumped by his wife for another man - they had a little girl together. He was devastated and fell into depression.
Then he met up with an ex colleague on a night out - they got together pretty much straight away, she's a close friend of mine, gorgeous, funny, smart and lovely.
They've been together ever since - have two children together and they are very close to the daughter from his first marriage - in fact closer than biological mum.
Hi exwife went on to have a number of failed relationships, put on masses of weight and drinks too much.
My two friends are happy, popular, generous, gorgeous and healthy and their house is full of life and laughter.

I will tell you one thing about being ripped apart like this, when you recover, and you will, you will be stronger and better than before. Sometimes I want to thank my ex. But I won't, he's a narcissist so I'm no contact

Time heals. It's such a cliche but it is true. You'll get to a point where it doesn't hurt so much. Then it doesn't hurt all the time and you start smiling a little. Then you'll suddenly found you haven't thought about him at all for a couple of days.

It really is the only thing that works, but it always works.

My mum is very happy in her 2nd marriage. My father spends his days being forced to follow weight watchers by the woman he had an affair with.

My mum had an affair and left my dad. He had the last laugh, the man she left for turned into an abusive bag of shit. My dad re-married a wonderful woman and they had a long and happy marriage for over 30 years until he sadly died - they adored each other.

My ex had an affair. I'm now married to my very lovely dh with a 4 month old ds

Please keep these coming. I need to feel like some positive can come of this...

Read the two year update by AndHarry on the thread "DH has left again" (it's in relationships).
Thread starts with OP being left devastated by DH (2 yrs ago) and ends with today's update of her lovely new relationship with really great new man.

My mum was left by my dad after 34 years for another woman. She was devastated for about 24 hours a while but ever since then it's been like watching a blade of grass that's been trodden on rise up and flourish. As anyone could have told her, she was about 300 times too good for him. She's a whole field of flowers now (as well as having been with someone else for 20 years).

My ex cheated on me. Never found out the full extent of it, because he’d never admit to anything. But he kept tabs all his exes, and every time we had an argument, he’d call the one who came immediately before me. One day I got this impulse to look at his phone and when I did, I saw he’d joined a dating site, met a girl in a club, invited her out for dinner, and told her he’d just dumped his girlfriend, and was feeling really relieved it was all over! When I confronted him, he told me a) he hadn’t done anything wrong, and b) it was my fault anyway, because I was a shit girlfriend. This after I’d heaved my life to a whole separate hemisphere for the sake of his career. He was emotionally, financially and (on occasion) physically abusive. I left after five years, and two failed attempts. I was 33 years old, didn’t know which way was up, but was secretly convinced there was something wrong with me, that made me unlovable.

After that, I spent some time on my own, for the first time in my adult life. I educated myself about abuse. I looked back at my old relationships, and thought very hard about the patterns they followed. A year later, I met my boyfriend. He’s gorgeous, kind, funny, thoughtful and he makes me happy every day. He makes me happy even when we’re not together. I used to look at people who had relationships like ours and think ‘I’ll never have that’. But now I do.

My ex boyfriend periodically contacts me, asking to ‘catch up’. Probably when he has a row with his current incumbent. The last one came a few weeks ago. Needless to say, I deleted it. I don’t feel even a flicker of interest in what he’s doing now. I know all I need to know about him: he’s a tit, and his punishment is being himself every day for the rest of his life.

OP, you will get through this. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will. You will come out the other side stronger. One day, you might even thank him.

I was dumped awfully about six months ago. I have some mental health problems already - part of the dumping - and more or less

Sorry, more or less fell apart completely. Were it not for my wonderful friends and colleagues I wouldn't be here, but I'm so much better now, I've made independent plans for the future, strengthened so many friendships, am healthier and have met someone new without even planning to who treats me so much better than I deserve. to you because it doesn't feel like it but something even better will come for you, I am sure.

A friend of mine married her university boyfriend the year after they graduated... within a year, she was having an affair with a bloke she'd met at work - who knew she was married and didn't care. Within two years, she was divorcing the university boyfriend (who was a genuinely nice bloke who adored my friend and couldn't understand why she was cheating on/leaving him) and setting up home with the bloke from work.

Fast forward a decade.

My friend is trapped (her words) in her marriage to the bloke from work, because she "doesn't want the shame" of being a woman with two failed marriages behind her . After many years of trying, they had a child with help from fertility consultants... and the bloke from work/husband #2 checked out completely, leaving my friend to deal with the pregnancy/parenthood alone. She does everything for their child, whilst the bloke from work does nothing. My friend is desperate to have another child, but can't, and is miserable because she knows her husband is having affairs with the girls at her former work place where they met. Myself and another friend have gently suggested to her that she should have seen this coming - that a leopard doesn't change its spots, and other cliches. The child is an absolute nightmare (but I suspect that's because of the spoiling which has gone on, to be honest), is almost 7 years old and whinges like no one's business. My son and other friends' children don't like being around this child because of his behaviour/attitude towards them and us adults. Including his mother. Whom he treats exactly the same way that he sees his father treat her. It's awful, and sad, and sometimes I want to shake my friend and ask her WTAF she was thinking when she started the affair all those years ago...!

Her ex-husband, on the other hand... has married a lovely woman who adores him, they have three wonderfully behaved children, a slobbery dog (which is how he and I bumped into one another after so many years, actually), his career has flourished since he and my friend split, and they spend their weekends/holidays sailing. He's happy, contented, doing well for himself.

Just as you will be when your grief at the loss of your marriage ends, OP. You were very young when you got together (and I can't really comment, because my ex and I got together when we were 14 and were on/off for 10 years before getting together properly - he left me for OW, and just as my children are preparing to flee the nest and allow me to find out who I am as a woman and not just partner/mum... he is mired in small children for another decade I'd feel sorry for him, but... he made his choice, now he has to live with the consequences!). Find out who you are.

Thank you so much everyone. I'm not going to lie I am devastated. And having a bad day today. But these positive stories help to drag me through and try and see this could work out positively one day.

Yep. Me. DH of 12 (but I'd known him 28) years told me out of the blue that he no longer loved me and wanted to move out because he could be a better parent (to 4 kids 10 and under). I couldn't understand it thought it was a midlife crisis or grief (lost a close relative), swore there was no one else.

But there was. He left me and went straight to her. He moved in with her in August last year. Naturally I was deviated. But now I'm in a relationship with a man I've known a long time and we're much better suited - we have so many things in common and we do so much together.

I can't get over how vile XH has been to me. But more than that, what he's done to the kids and how he's completely trashed what had been a lovely childhood, I'll never forgive him for. He's a selfish prick and I wish him male pattern baldness and erectile dysfunction - but me? I'm having a great time now - in many ways, I'm actually glad he pissed off with his horrendous snoring and stinky feet.

My exH left me just under 3 years ago - didn't know if he loved me, no-one else involved, it was all my fault. Of course there was an OW. I was devastated, have never known pain, hurt and loss like it - I couldn't face life and genuinely thought without him I had nothing.

But I survived and now - I have a new boyfriend who is devoted to me in a way I have never known, a pet cat and have just landed an amazing new job I probably wouldn't have even applied for when I was married. I am still sad about my marriage but I'm in a better place than I ever thought I would be and know I have a happy future ahead of me.

I am so much stronger, more aware and more positive because of what I have been through. I have seen my faults in my last relationship and stop myself being that person again - so my new relationship is so much healthier. I don't get so stressed - nothing seems bad compared to what I've been through.

I promise it will get better, it will be alright and you will be happy again. Good luck and be kind to yourself

I was in your position almost 4 months ago (we'd been together for 18 years, from 16 years of age).

Let yourself grieve, enjoy quality time with your children and find your new "normal".

At first I thought "im going to make him regret leaving". Then it dawned on me that I shouldn't make him regret leaving, I should In fact make myself glad that he did.

Jump forward 4 months...My children and I are so much happier. I've reconnected with old friends. I'm training in a brand new career. Plus I've just started to experiment in the world of dating. More importantly I've found myself again, and I'm so much stronger and fulfilled!

It will get better I promise!

I got married at the age of 20, we were both in the Armed Forces, I gave up my career as we were told that we wouldnt be posted together...I was Army, he was RAF...2 weeks after we got married he pushed me down the stairs in a fit of jealousy after our best man gave me a kiss on the cheek for my 21st birthday(in front of his wife and all our friends)...I stayed....it lasted 6yrs, with him cheating as often as he could and gambling...he stole money from work mates, eventually he was dishonourably discharged from the RAF. Nothing changed, he eventually left me for a younger model and married her, left me in 5k of debt...he also left her in 10k of debt. I was on my own for 2yrs, working and rebuilt my life....I met DH2, we have been together 27yrs, have a DD aged 23 and a DGC...I have got my confidence back, I no longer jump at loud noises and most importantly Im happy...there is light at the end of tunnel...It may seem like a black hole at the moment but it really does get better and lighter.

Hey there @Sherbetdip1 How did things progress with you? In the same position as you now. X

Hi! Wow, this seems like such a long time ago. I haven’t been on mumsnet as much recently and had forgotten this post. I’m so sorry you are going through the same thing. It truely is hell and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I am JUST coming to the end of the legal proceedings now having been through a lengthy child custody and financial battle with my ex who very quickly went from the mind set of “you can have everything and the children are the priority” to “I want my share, don’t care how you manage financially and actually il see the kids when I want to suit me”. This coincided with me finding out that he was in a relationship with a woman from his workplace - when he took the children to meet “daddies new special friend” at a local park. I won’t lie - he broke me and then just as I was picking up he broke me so more. I lost two stone in weight, was heavily medicated on antidepressants and sleeping tablets and my hair started falling out. My children had nightmares about their daddy leaving and he swanned off with his new girlfriend like he had no cares in the world.
That’s the bad stuff. However - two years on?! Life is brilliant. I fought him in court (avoid if possible, it’s ££££££££££) and was awarded the house in full. Not that money matters but the relief of knowing I have a home for me and the children to live in when at one point he would have made me homeless is heaven. The children have a routine and he has to stick to it as it’s court ordered. They see him regularly which is brilliant and they know what is happening on any given day. There are times that co parenting is hard - we communicate only by text and it is just about curt and civil. I had to distance myself from him in the end because of his lies and poor behaviour. It’s a shame for all the years we were together and it still stings me he could behave so ruthlessly towards me BUT nowadays I give it fleeting thoughts rather that spend days dwelling on it. Living the single life was amazing for me. When he left i used to sob about how I would manage without him having been together since we were children but it truely made me a better person. I actually loved it! The freedom, the choices for myself, building my own life - I have now met an amazing new man but there is an incredible power to knowing if it didn’t work out that I would be fine. I’d never had that - I had always relied on my ex since we were teenagers. My new partner is incredible. We don’t live together yet so it’s the wonderful balance of having someone in life and also having my own space, time and freedom. We have talked about living together maybe next year and whilst I am so happy with him (and the kids love him and his daughter from a prev relationship) I will actually be abit sad to see my life change again. I joined a gym, made new friends, changed my working hours to suit the school run and became closer than ever to my family. I lost a few friends along the way - people who weren’t there for me or started socialising with my ex and his new girlfriend despite me believing they were disgusted with him and his behaviour. That was painful but I never give them a second thought now. It has truely been life changing and I feel happy and content in a way I don’t think I ever felt in my marriage. I won’t say he did me a favour. I will never forgive or forget the way he treated me, the children and my family (who saw him like a son). What he did was selfish, cold and devastating but from that I have gained a wonderful life that I appreciate so much more. I hope this helps somehow and you will look back in a few years like I did and see it as a small chapter in your life rather that the end of your world x ps I can’t recommend the “chump lady”’website enough. It helped me wade through the bullcrap and lies and realise that what these men do is nothing to do with you. It’s all on them. I actually feel sorry for my ex now. He’s ended up abit of a pathetic man.

Great to hear things worked out for you in the end. The financial side worries me a bit as my ex has stated the same - not to worry about the finances and that the home we live in will be safe. He could change his mind at any time. It doesn't help that we're not married. I am due to see a solicitor through the CAB tomorrow, so going to see where I stand.

I've read so much on here that everyone's lives improved after painful splits. We told the kids yesterday and it was so upsetting to hear their little voices beg their daddy to stay. But I know our relationship came to an end at least 4 - 5 years ago. I stopped wanting sex with him and I just became fed up. We were both going through life unhappy.

Mine did this to me. I was devastated at the time. Completely in pieces. He was cruel, his girlfriend too. I was maligned and labelled crazy yet he was noble and long suffering, dignified even according to the people he managed to hoodwink. Anyway, I met someone lovely, someone who was every he never was. And 4 years later we have travelled, we have had adventures and been spontaneous, my kids love him and they had a better life since he's been in our lives and we're getting married later in the year.

And ex-DH? He and his girlfriend spilt up. My eldest just said 'after all they put us through, they couldn't even manage 3 and a half years'.

There is life out there. I would never have imagined it, but it happens. It will happen for you.

Similar but different.

DH died when I was 33, (2 tiny DC). I met a man 18 months later who seemed to be able to make me laugh and love again. 2 years later he met someone else on holiday and ended it. That was such a low time, I felt like my second chance had been snatched away and I'd never be happy, all whilst still grieving DH.

Met current boyfriend 18 months ago, a year after ex ended things. He has chosen to come and lock down with me and DC and is even home schooling them while I work

My first H had an affair and then left after many many years of marriage . I am now happily married to a man I met 4 years afterwards and I now know how life should have been like all those years .

Maybe reading this will help? If you think there’s a even a remote chance of reconciliation

www.alturtle.com/archives/1326

Good luck