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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

New partner babysitting

31 replies

Mari50 · 15/05/2017 09:48

This isn't really relationships but I'm not sure where else to put it.
My exP has mentioned he's working a weekend that he has DD, I'm assuming that he intends for his new gf to look after DD but I'd prefer she spent the tume with me than someone she's met twice. Do I have to accept his choice of childcare or is it reasonable that dd spend the day with me and he can pick her up once he's finished work.

OP posts:

MariposaNieve · 15/05/2017 12:13

If you haven't met her then I think it's unacceptable. I also think your DD only having met her twice is too soon to be left with her alone.

user1486956786 · 15/05/2017 12:18

As a step parent, I would have loved some alone time to get to know my step son in private as I would have felt way more comfortable but he was too young and it wouldn't have been fair on him. If your DD is comfortable I'd let it happen. Embrace the GF wanting to look after her. If GF finds out you said no it will push her away. I know it must be hard but I honestly think it will be good for them.

user1486956786 · 15/05/2017 12:19

If it's a one off I don't see the big deal, in my opinion.

Original poster

Mari50 · 15/05/2017 12:22

I was step parent to exP eldest daughter, he did the same with her, I'd usually ask her mum if she wanted to spend time with her DD or if she was happy for me to look after her. She never said no it's fine, you have her. Which I think is the normal response when you are having to give up eow with your child.

OP posts:

BaggyCheeks · 15/05/2017 12:24

I wouldn't be happy to set a precedent with this - he's only having your DD over because he has another woman picking up his slack. She (the gf) is a mug for going along with it.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/05/2017 12:29

Detail everything when it comes to her repeating stuff he has said - it's emotional abuse.

Maybe speak to a solicitor?

However, as there's no way you're going to get an order stating no contact for this kind of low-level abuse then maybe focusing on the contact thing is better.

Basically, the best way you might end up getting rid is for you to be proactive in MAKING him have proper contact, where he gives up HIS time, which he doesn't want. Also, box clever - if you focus your 'complaints' to him that you are worried that he isn't spending time with her then maybe he will disappear further just to 'spite' you.

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