Can anyone give me hope that my single 30s may change? I have no hope today.

[lostandfound12]

Hi Mumsnetters. It's my first post and I've ended up here after googling things such as 'why haven't I met anyone yet' etc. You get the picture...

I'm 32 at the end of this year, and ALL of my close friends are married or at the very least in long term serious relationships. Advice to 'make more single friends' seems so silly at this age. Yes I know that would probably help me feel less alone, but its not that easy to find lots of single people at 32. MOST people ARE in relationships.

I've had two serious relationships, but since the last one ended (3 and a half years ago), I haven't met anyone i've properly fallen for, and i've become resistant to just going along with a relationship that's just ok. I would rather be alone than be with someone who I don't miss or I'm ambivalent as to whether they are around.

When I was first single, I really took hold of my life, bought a house, got a job I enjoyed and pays the bills. Decorated exactly how I liked and did my own thing, cooked for myself and on my own schedule...all things I appreciated because not everyone has that luxury.

But times has passed and I am SO lonely.

My younger sister (27) met her other half at uni, and it's become so awkward at family events. It's my parents and my sister and boyfriend...And then me. They talk about holidays they are going on, good deals for couples, cost of decorating etc... all of which really stings because I can't afford any of these things as I don't have the benefit of an additional income. The last family event I went to, the bill was 'spilt', except it's not, it's 2 couples and me. It makes it sound like they rub it in my face and they don't at all, but it feels that way and it's got to the point where I avoid socialising with them all together, which is sad because I get on with family for the most part.

I can't afford a holiday this year and I know many many people can't. But it still doesn't stop me feeling shit about it.

As time passes, I know I am unlikely to celebrate a silver wedding anniversary. I dread invites to weddings, as I have to go alone. I hate that when I do go alone I have to drive because it's too expensive to stay over or get a taxi on my own (yes I could go with a friend but most people are coupled up and it's awkward to be an 'add on'). I hate that I get home and nobody is there to make a tea for or to make me one. I hate that when I'm poorly it's myself I have to depend on. I hate that I feel weird for being single at this age. I don't think I'm different to most women, but maybe I am and I can't see that. I feel left out of one of the best things in life, to be loved and love back.

I date but my enthusiasm for it is low. Most people I meet I don't have any interest in. It has got to the point where I can't think of a reason to stay on this planet. I could join all sorts of activities and 'do things for myself,' but I've DONE all that. I've enjoyed it. And it doesn't take away loneliness.

Can anyone give me hope that it may all change? Did anyone out there experience this and feel left behind? I have gone from being a confident, independent and happy person to an unhappy mess of ending up on my own forever.

Try to make the most of the good things about being single.

Focus on your career and hobbies.

Pay extra into your mortgage.

Make investments with your savings.

Be fit and healthy.

Get involved in your community.

Do evening classes.

Go on solo city breaks.

Join clubs.

Go to meetings.

Limit your screen time.

Educate yourself.

Take care of yourself- not faking it but taking care of your skin hair and nails will help you ooze confidence.

If you don't value yourself you won't find a partner who will value you.

I just wanted to say that not all the families and couples you see out at the weekend are happy. Ive spent the day with my exp and DS, and although I smiled all day I was hurting like hell. From the outside we looked like any other family.

So dont feel like everyone else is living perfect fairytale lives, its simply not the case xxx

Relationships aren't a picnic. They are full of different minefields. It doesn't always lead to happiness and can be quite the opposite.

Life for some of us doesn't not follow a map, finding happiness in yourself is not a bad thing. I don't want to hijack your thread but we are all taught from an early age that you are not complete till you find your other half-as if by magic that person will change your life to joy and contentment. There are many that would trade places with you in a heartbeat-some who dread going home because there is someone there!
I am in my thirties and I never bothered with the search for the so called 'Mr Right'-who could have been standing next to me but I would have been busy.
What I hope I am conveying, that plan B needs to kick in because you need to manage your expectations should your life plan, not pan out.
You still need to get up, in the morning ten years from now without that feeling of something missing-for your own sanity. Like others have said find new and different interests-move if necessary to break up feelings of stagnation.
I hope you do find what you are searching for but please find happiness in simply being you.

wanna trade places?

I remember that weekend feeling when all the coupled up people disappear from Friday afternoon till Monday.

It's hard, because you feel you have done the right thing. Taken control of your life ie job, house etc. But there is that niggling feeling that something is missing. And it's a fine line between not suffering fools and dismissing everyone, then getting into a rut and no one is good enough.

You don't say much about interests or hobbies. Have you tried citysocializer it's a London based thing that arranges events do's etc. Meet ups of people wanting to get out and widen the social circle as opposed to a meat market. Oh what about approaching a match maker - a proper high end one.
Å
As for holidays. There are a few. My friend went on Solo One and said it was 80 per women but she met some great women and it meant she didn't haver sit in the buffet room on her own.

Just to add. I met my DH just before my 40th when I went on holiday to avoid a man I had been on and off with for years. He was due back in the country and I knew I would fall back into old habits. I went on an overland African trip. Met DH on a similar trip going the other direction we married just before my 42nd and I had twins a week before my 43 third. Today my twins are 10.

You are still young and have so many options.

So many lovely stories on here:-) keep your standards high and stay happy :-)

Alot of guys will be attracted to the fact You are financially secure amd have your own home etc as they likely also will, so wont be thinking they will lose everything in divorce, like alot of men do nowadays which puts them off marriage

Get inspired by watching this TED talk ("TED ideas worth spreading"):
www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating

Couldn't you do something on your holiday that won't cost all that much?

I know from back when I was around 30 that feeling of being single you have to have a stack of pre-made food in the freezer - if you fall ill nobody is there to care for you and you've got to get through on what you have at home since you're too ill to go out shopping.

Fantastic post by Beebeeeight might just steal that

Look on this time as the ideal time to do things on the spur of the moment - no planning. I've found that's when the most exciting things tend to happen. You can find fantastic last minute deals on Travel Zoo and other cut-price websites or simply turn up at the airport with carry on luggage and see what's cheap and available. Make the most of this freedom as it may not last long. As someone up thread said, most people meet someone.

I was the same as you op. Now after a few horrible net dating encounters and short relationships I am 39 years old and it really is too late.

I know this thread it over 5 years old now but I just came across it and wondered how the OP was now? I hope very much you are happy :)

@lostandfound12

The last family event I went to, the bill was 'spilt', except it's not, it's 2 couples and me

Hold on.....so are you saying that the bill is split equally so instead of everyone paying individually, they are dividing the bill in 3?? If so, they taking the piss OP. It's totally unfair, and they know it is. Let's say each one of you had a meal that costs £20 and the bill came to £100.00. If you divided that by 3 (instead of 5), that means that you are having to pay £33.33 just for yourself, whilst they are paying £16.66 per person!!! Do you find yourself invited out with them often?? Can't imagine doing this to a single friend or family member. I wonder how much their faces would drop if you announced that you were only going to paying for your own meal.

Most people I meet I don't have any interest in

Then can you stop meeting people who you have no interest in? Are you doing that because you're lonely?

Yes I agree with you - most people are in relationships. When I was in my early 20s, most people at my workplace were in relationships even then.

I'm older than you and in a worse position in life. I try to get through the feelings of aimlessness, rootlessness and loneliness by knowing that as easy as it is for people's lives to spiral downwards, they can also spiral up pretty quickly too. It's hard though because you have no crystal ball to be able to tell when that will be.

I melt my partner at 36 and fell pregnant at 37. You have plenty of time.