Strange Noises

[SandraInTheSun]

Really odd problem, and not sure where else to post. DH is wonderful, kind and caring but this problem is really bothering me. For background, we're together 7 years, married for 2, DD is 7 months old. He's great with her, in a senior, responsible role at work and is articulate, thoughtful and great fun.

This problem is long term, but probably bothers me more because I'm on maternity leave and sometimes deprived of adult company! He often makes odd noises instead of communicating properly, just with me. Like if I tell him about my day, he might say 'That is the flumblewormp of papunosity'. If I offer him a cup of tea, he might answer with 'that's what she said' instead of an appropriate response. Instead of informing me he needs to use the restroom, he might flail his arms and legs and shout 'wee wee wee wee'. This can be constant on a bad day, a few times an hour on a good day.

He manages to stop this completely to talk to absolutely everyone else. He seems to find himself really amusing. When I ask him to stop he tells me he'll 'be a good boy', and whenever I've tried to discuss it seriously he seems positively dejected.

I'm worried about its impact on DD learning to talk in the near future. I often feel dismissed and almost as though I'm the one being silly? He's otherwise such a lovely person.

There are no likely mental health issues. I'm a psychiatrist. There's no pervasive low mood, no delusions, no elation. No likely obsessive/compulsive element. I've recommended asking his GP or possibly seeking an opinion from someone who isn't his wife, but he's too embarrassed and can totally stop when in company.

Lost. Help!

[SandraInTheSun]

*do

And sometimes he's genuinely impossible to engage in conversation.

I'm not suddenly tired of it, but maybe struggling a little more lately?

I love him so much. No plans to leave. Just sort of making sure I'm not totally alone in finding it tiresome.

His general sense of humour is more dark and quick-witted.

[n0ne]

Wow, you're really not compatible are you. He's just a bit eccentric, it's not doing any harm (nor will it impact on your child's development ). My whole family is a bit like this, and each one of us has been lucky enough to find a partner who was just as bonkers. I feel a bit sorry for him, tbh. And for you, as it obviously is annoying if you're not like that yourself.

[nachogazpacho]

Could it be adhd with him having no filter around you so he's making all the noises and comments he usually keeps in his head?

[Badhairday1001]

I teach children with ASC and this sounds very similar to the behaviour I see everyday. Great difficulty being relevant, innapropriate/ random verbal communication and little insight in to how their behaviour impacts others. It doesn't sound like he can/wants to change so I think it's just something you are going to have to learn to live with if you want to stay together.

[metalmum15]

I'm sorry OP, but I'm laughing out loud at the mental image of a grown man flapping his arms and shouting "Wee wee wee wee"!!
(On another note, why does he feel the need to inform you he needs the restroom in the first place? )

[Etaina]

Has he been doing this ever since you've known him? Does he like playing around with words?

He isn't as bad as my Dh who answers 'apple nuts' to almost everything and lies on the sofa mumbling 'mummy, mummy, mummy' most of the day. I've told him countless times that it drives me crazy but he doesn't care. I think that's why he does it. Like your Dh, mine doesn't do it in company.

[CiliatedEpithelium]

I was on a third date once and he took a call from his DMum and OMG he reverted to a four year old in his language and even his body language. He used lots of noises and popping sounds and it really fucked with my head the rest of the evening. I left early and called it a day. I just couldn't take him seriously after hearing it I'm afraid. I am married now and DH and I use Stanley Unwinisms on occasion (nonexpensifold on the bankibalancer, noseygridestode or slippyslidey on the wettygripper) but we never communicate in ways the other doesn't instantly get. If either of us had an inkling we were annoying the other we would knock it off but it's become part of our language.
Since the 'Pirate noises in bed' thread he comes over a little piratical at times but we both know what that is all about and that's as far as it goes here.

[Sprinklestar]

Sandra - I think you're minimizing. What would you say to someone else experiencing this? It really is weird. You know that. If you can't even have a proper conversation, it's not like the odd phrase once or twice in an evening, is it? Anyone could likely tolerate that. I think you need to work out for yourself whether it's an issue for your relationship. It's either bad enough to leave him over, or tolerable. Which is it? For me it would be intolerable, regardless of the life you've created together. But only you can decide.

[CountessYgritte]

It isn't Tourette's.

[Etaina]

It sounds as though he's been watching too much teletubbies!

[randomuntrainedcuntowner]

He sounds like Timmy mallett

[Offred]

Are you both doctors then?

Both my parents are doctors. My dad is poor with conflict. He is also threatened by my mum's superior intellect/other skills, which has ultimately led to her career being much more successful than his despite having had 12 yrs out with DC.

Could it be something to do with him feeling slightly intimidated by you (possibly unfairly, possibly not, possibly as a result of his own choices) and him trying to make himself seem as though he is opting out of competing with you as an adult and taking on the role of a child in your relationship?

The way my dad dealt with being threatened by my mum and then both being doctors (even though they worked in different areas) was to keep her out of work as long as he could, be sullen and miffed at her success and to be super controlling of the money (even now when he is retired and she has just reached the peak of her earning capacity).

[SandraInTheSun]

You see, I'm generally considered eccentric. I think I'm coming across as very straight here, but I've been described as 'refreshing' to work with and 'entertaining'.

Friends affectionately call me 'different'!

The thing is, he has an excellent filter everywhere else. He'd be humiliated if he thought anyone else knew.

It's not a deal breaker, but it sometimes makes me feel like I'm actually losing touch with reality.

[nachogazpacho]

www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/adult-adhd-attention-deficit-disorder.htm

This talks about impulsive behaviour and talking excessively

[Offred]

He also has never learned emotional skills beyond what would be considered normal for a 3 year old child. He is now 62.

[Offred]

Medicine is very competitive as a career. There is a lot of hierarchy.

My dad is fairly traditional and very emotionally attached to traditional gender roles. Rather than trying to become a competent adult in their marriage he chose to flit between behaving like a toddler and behaving like a Victorian and imposing strict rules on all the family constraining them in Victorian style gender and class roles.

[SandraInTheSun]

@Offred yes, we're both doctors. He cheers me on at every turn, and I him. It can be a strange dynamic, but it seems to work.

I don't want to be too harsh, but if a patient told me their DP was like this I'd be a little concerned.

As far as what he laughs at goes, he is far more conventionally humoured than I am.

[Whisky2014]

Regarding the "that's what she said" comment regarding going home a cup of tea...if he said that to me I'd say in a serious voice "the correct response is "thank you"". And I'd say it every single time until it pissed me off so much I'd tell him to fuck off :D
the wee wee thing is just wrong.
I saw a guy who was kinda like this and just found him just SO embarrassing i had to dump him.

[nachogazpacho]

There was a very interesting documentary by the impressionist Rory Bremner on his adhd experience.

[SandraInTheSun]

@nachogazpacho, he really has no other symptoms of ADHD.

I'm not trying to dismiss all help - just have considered the situation long and hard!

[nachogazpacho]

www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/apr/26/horizon-adhd-and-me-with-rory-bremner-review-impressions-diagnosis

[CountessYgritte]

Actually I did wonder about ADHD. It could be that he masks in company and lets it all out at home?

My dc talks bollocks a lot of the time but only in front of those he is comfortable with. When he isn't being a pubescent git, he is lovely and clever and funny. Very git-like now though.

If not ADHD then I think it maybe stress release and this is just a side of him he only reveals to you. This silly, idiotic surreal side.

Sounds hard to live with though (as is adhd)

[kaitlinktm]

It must be really irritating - surely he might think twice though if, as PP have said, he realised that it was a complete turn-off sexually.

[nachogazpacho]

Yes but what you've said is a lot of symptoms in itself. He may have learnt to control it for most of the day and relaxes at home.

[Offred]

See I can see why you want to 'name it'. Because it sounds like it is really bothering you.

I also think it is not as likely to be a feature of 'him' as it is to be a feature of his relationship with you if it only comes out around you.

But those are probably the two best candidates for explaining it - 1. That it is a natural feature which he is stressed and ashamed about and he only lets it out at home because he can't manage to control it all the time, or 2. He is doing it to try and communicate something to you about how he feels, maybe an unresolved issue he doesn't have much control of and if you deal with the issue the attention seeking behaviour will go away.