need some guidance please - extremely acrimonious divorce now over - emotionally & financially abusive X and narcisstic traits. It was a living hell - i have come out financially disadvantaged kids twins 15 about to take GSCEs - i have long term depression although X dismissed this completely despite support from MH -I had this under control whilst married as was not required to work- awarded minimal spousal now having to consider returning to work after 20 years. Kids are having to leave private school x says can no longer afford it! and we are having to leave family home after 13 years- only home kids know.
I am struggling - my mood is low - i am under GP and being referred for more counselling - just about coping. I am concerned about the impact of all this on kids -contact with DF one night in week and E/O weekend. DS long term difficult behavior think now as a result of X passive aggressiveness- referred to PCAMHS but would not attend - looked up how to kill yourself at school but said it was a joke ( I am not convinced). mood always nasty when returns from contact with X but softens with me. DD difficult relationship with X as refuses to have anything to do with OW and her kids- although DS does & has had holidays - causes friction between the two of them.
Long school day leave home at 7.30 return 6.15 - both are v tired and having to revise for exams. DS has been off school again with cold - could have pushed him to go to school but feel he is stressed so trying not to be too heavy with them. they do minimal chores although DS has taken on "role" of his DF in cutting grass etc. Their rooms are a constant mess, they are loosing things, forgetting things - they were not like this before divorce - i email X suggesting contact time reduced while they revise - they regard this as their home - have nothing much at his as OW kids use their rooms - he said no and that their behaviour is "playing me" as they are fine with him. Today i send a picture of DS room to X - he says I need to help and motivate DS to tidy - as X says DS cleans his room, cleans bathrooms and hoovers everywhere when with him. X used to get DD to do washing but she refused and due to ongoing "control" issues DD does not always go to his. he refers to her as a "mini mother" because she stands up for herself. I think DS "cleaning" is about trying to please X - he hates conflict and shouting - most of X contact weekend spent doing X personal chores as weekend without kids he is with OW.
I am trying to get kids to take responsibility for themselves- if I ask too much im nagging - if i leave it nothing gets done - everywhere is a mess - it is constantly draining on me and X is useless -
what can i do to help the situation - is there anyone i can talk to re kids - my MH nurse did refer them to SS as she had some concerns but they are too old. I am well aware how depression starts - they have both been knocked sideways and have two major stresses to deal with ontop of GCSE's - I dont want them to drop out of a levels which is what happened to both X and myself after difficult upbringing. I dont know where to go to get some support - no friends or family i can turn to.