How on earth do I help him? (Potential abuse trigger warning)

[FlyingElbows]

Mr Elbows went to see his sister on the way home from work yesterday after she asked him to pop in. He came home at 9 last night a complete emotional wreck. His siblings and some of their partners (all married) have had a huge fall out and two of his sisters are alleging that their father has abused them. I have absolutely no idea what to do or what to say.

Tbh, as I have no relationship with his family (my choice) I am happy to leave them to it but my precious husband is destroyed. His sister also suggested that his mother (who he adored and has suffered appallingly since she died suddenly) was aware. He is ruined and helpless and doesn't know what or who to believe. Can anyone offer any advice at all because I have no idea.

He's not close to his siblings, the other five and their kids are much more entwined in each other's lives (Irish Catholic family) so my concern is all for how this affects him.

Believe his sisters. He needs to listen and talk to them. False allegations are extremely rare.

It's not about helping his sisters (although I really do understand why you're saying that and in that context I agree with you) it's about helping him deal with the fact that his family is destroyed.

Sorry you have not had more replies. I agree with thethoughtfox's sentiment that the sisters are the main victims here. However, it must be extremely difficult for your oh in that it throws everything about his family and his past into a completely different light. Harder than a simple bereavement in that then you still have past memories to look back on, but in this case the allegations must be rewriting his whole childhood, how he views himself as a person as well as his parents. I suppose the only thing to do is to hold his hand, and accept that processing it is going to be a long process (by processing I don't mean simply accepting the allegations as true, but also actually coming to terms with it). Might there be so charities that could help with this. It occurs to me that some of the charities that deal with this sort of abuse might also be able to offer support to family members who are also affected? You could also suggest counseling to him since he's going to have a lot to talk through...

I think you should help your husband by helping him face the reality that his sisters were abused. This will only destroy his family if he allows it to.

It will destroy his emories of his parents Aqua - which will be very painful. And he can't control the reaction of his siblings, so yes it may well destroy his family.

OP I don't know what to suggest. Give him time to process it but don't help him "sweep it under the rug". He may well need to talk it through with a neutral 3rd party. His sisters deserve to be acknowledged- it must have been very hard for them to speak out.

I have lived through similar. It's shockingly devastating. Not an awful lot you can do for him other than be supportive.
I feel very sad that his life has been shattered like this. (Not saying I don't feel that way for his sisters, but this is about him)
In my heart I knew the allegations were true. Just a feeling.
I also know a friend who's mother obviously knew about the abuse her daughter suffered, that was harder for her she said.
Unfortunately finding out people aren't who you thought they were is probably quite common.
Sorry not really being helpful. But perhaps try and help him not retaliate against his sisters (not saying he would)