Hand hold please

[dailydance]

Feeling v down. My EA & rapist ex boyf has moved in with the woman he was cheating on me with. My current boyf- (well, I don't know if he is my boyf as after 8 months he won't give me a straight answer) is shortly going on a stag holiday and will he going to a strip club.

I'm upset about ex because of the unfairness of how such an evil person can find happiness. I'm upset about current because I don't know where I stand and he won't talk to me about it.

Depression has now kicked in. I just want to go home, cry and not leave my bed.

May I ask how old you are?. Going to bed may help for a bit but not in the long run.

Dump the current boyfriend now (by text if necessary) as he patently is no good for you and do not give the ex any of your precious headspace.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up, there may well be a lot of stuff that you need to unlearn now through counselling. You still seem very vulnerable still and are thus more susceptible to attracting pond life like your current boyfriend.

I would also suggest you enrol on Womens Aid Freedom Programme if you have not already done so because that could help you no end identify more readily the red flags in future.

Love your own self for a change, be on your own for a while to heal properly.

I'm late 30s. I brought myself up for the most part. I taught myself and learned from cartoons as a kid. I was locked in a room a lot and regularly forgotten about. Of what I saw of relationships growing up, they were violent.

I just wanted some love in my life, but appear to be unloveable otherwise surely someone would at some point? I stick to my cats and plants because they can't hurt me.

I just wanted some love in my life

That's the mistake so many of us make

We actually need the right love rather that grabbing for a love that might be good enough.

Sounds like an awful form of neglect that you suffered as a child, i agree that you should just dump current bf who thinks he can string you along. Just severe all ties.
Start to try and focus more on loving yourself first, its a cliche but it is necessary.
Little by little build up your sense of self worth and please do the freedom program so you can recognise abusers and learn how to keep them out of your life. All things which ive had to do over these past few years and its worth it, yes i am lonely sometimes and crave love and romance but i love myself now more than i have ever done in my life, i know my worth and will not settle for abuse disguised as love ever again. Go to get some counselling if you can, it will help untangle the knots of ypur childhood. Good luck. Xx