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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Could you share your couple counselling experience please?

3 replies

anyhelpicanget · 09/05/2017 16:41

DH and I have been doing couple counselling for the past few months. I have to admit that it made me feel better. However, as time goes by, I've started wondering if this is how things are meant to be going. The counsellor doesn't say much, she tries to remain neutral (which I do understand) but somehow she has never touched upon certain issues I tried to bring up - such as financial abuse, he is constantly telling me, in front of her as well, that I didn't invest a penny in our marriage ( I am SAHM and I do absolutely everything else, he just brings money home which he spends the way he wants). She seems to ignore this even though I find this issue absolutely frustrating. Also, I deliberately mention his drinking often as I want her to pick up on it without having to say openly that he has a drinking problem (I was advised to do it this way). She never raised this question. The more the time passes, my DH is just becoming more confident that I'm the cause of all issues in our marriage, that I should just listen to him and that he is (always) right. If this continues like this I'm afraid I will start developing resentment towards counselling.
What is your experience with counselling? Should I expect us to be called upon our "flaws" eventually in order to be able to fix things?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/05/2017 16:46

Do you want to remain with this man or are you looking to separate from him (this would be far more advisable given what you have written about him).

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What needs of yours are still being met here?.

I am surprised you have not already experienced resentment with regards to this counselling. Who suggested joint counselling at all?. Joint counselling should not be undertaken if there is any type of abuse within the relationship in any event. No decent counsellor should see you at all together anyway given his financial abuse of you.
Men like yours can all too easily manipulate counsellors around to their point of view and this seems to be again the case here.

I would find another counsellor to work with as of now and work with that person on your own. Al-anon may be more beneficial to talk as well re his drink problem.

peppatax · 09/05/2017 16:48

Sounds like you've just got a crap counsellor TBH.

Ours is very good, listens, takes things in and then offers opinion and if it means she 'sides' with one party then she explains clearly why. It's been invaluable.

sassandfaff · 09/05/2017 17:02

Sounds like you have a person centred counsellor. <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.counselling-directory.org.uk/person-centred-therapy.html&ved=0ahUKEwjv297wluPTAhXHK8AKHUAJB5EQFggkMAA&usg=AFQjCNG5hlYYqiU1P1EH1zlM9SPYuCXDLA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"> counselling

I think you might be better with someone who gives advice and interferes a bit.

Google the different types of counselling techniques.

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