How do I untangle...

[Takeheed]

My life with dh after nearly 30 year's.
I could fucking scream for the wasted year's.
He's emotionally abusive, and I am so unhappy.
I cry when I'm happy because it feels so strange.
I'm the one that works and pays the bills. I support the children. There will be no financial loss.
I want to tell him to leave. Why am I so afraid ?
I lie in bed alone night after night so angry.
He has no way to support himself. No job. He won't go even if I pluck up the courage to say it. What do I do

You decide how many more nights/days you want to feel like this.

Then you Take a massive, brave leap and JUMP.

It's not easy but you will get through all the shit and come out happier and healthier.

Your DH is an adult and you are not responsible for him or his happiness.

Just tell him it's over. I had to get a few wines under my belt, before blurting it out. It's not easy, I know, but clearly it needs to be done.

It's not your problem that he doesn't have a job. He'll have to get one, and work like the rest of us.

I read a good quote the other day in the paper "sometimes the smallest step in the right direction, ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step"

I suspect that you are worried that he will be homeless? It's not really your job, but perhaps you could start with practical steps, like finding out what he would be entitled to / who should he contact etc. You could give him enough money to stay in a B&B when he sorts all this out. At least that gets him out the door.

He will be fine. He's a grown man and you aren't his mother.

Thank you.
He claims dla and is registered disabled hence the no job or income.
I believe his illness but hes so angry and bitter at the world. We're SO different now.

I know it's a cliche, but life is too short to live like this. The sooner you free yourself the sooner you can begin your new life.

Good luck, you can do it

It might be easier for you to leave, depending on the housing situation. If you rent, I would consider it, anyway.

I don't think I can leave. The kid's are settled here and I pay all the bills. He has no income to pay rent.
Going back to his mother's is about his only option.
We're just so poisonous to each other.
Everything he says he snaps at me. He is obsessed with current politics and immigrants and minorities and it comes across as far right ranting.
He shouted at teen dd earlier as she was being cheeky and got right up in her face like he was arguing with a man.
I hate myself so much for being so weak.
Why can't I physically say the words.
The last time I snapped well just leave then!! When he was ranting about the kid's he said don't order me out of my home you fucking prick.
Nice huh......

I'm just thinking in terms of getting him out legally. Is he on the tenancy or is it in your name alone?

If he refuses to leave, it might simply be easier to give notice to quit on your part and move elsewhere with the dc. Whether he can pay rent alone wouldn't be your issue.

But best to get some legal advice on what your options are - you could get an appointment with CAB? A few small steps towards getting free bit by bit. Find out what your options are. www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/renting-protect-your-rights-to-your-home-during-separation

If there's domestic abuse, there might be other legal support too.

But knowledge is your first step.

We are both on the tenancy.