Partner staying over when I have DC

[Shylo]

I'm not sure that there's a 'right' answer to this but I would appreciate others' thoughts

I separated from my ex 2 years ago and although ive been seeing my DP for quite a while I have kept it away from my DC who are 7 and 9. It's serious enough now that I'd like us all to spend time together and this has got me thinking about when it might be the right time to introduce home staying over.

For context, their dad has a girlfriend who they have been seeing regularly for the past year but she NEVER shares a bed with him when the kids are staying over. This seems weird to me, but maybe it's colouring my judgement on what's appropriate behaviour for me .....

So, when's the right time? How long do people wait before having their DP overnight?

I introduced my partner after about a year to my then 10 and 7yo. That might seem like a long time, but I wanted to be sure we were a long term thing, and that we had a strong enough bond to let others in. It was absolutely the right thing to do. They love him, and he's wonderful with him. When you have kids I think you need to play the long game. It's worth it.

How long is quite a while?
Have they met him now?
How do they get on?
Are they kids who regularly crawl into your bed?

All of that will affect the answer

I think that however long you've been together and however secure you think this relationship is, you cannot go from the children having not spent any time with him to him staying overnight.

You know him but, to the children, he is a total stranger.

When you say 'a while'?

What does that mean?

If they havent met him and you have been together long enough to know its long term, just concentrate on introducing the kids. Take it slowly and go from there.

If i were you I wouldnt be even thinking about this or worrying about it.

I think you need to introduce your children you your partner before they have the joy of finding him your bed. That's a bit of a jump.
It also depends on what 'a while' is.
As for your ex- that's not weird, it's actually quite considerate and lets the children know he's available to them through the night rather than possibly having sex with his gf.

I don't think that's weird behaviour from your ex, it's highly considerate. If his children need him in the night he is always there, no awkwardness of finding someone else there etc. Sounds like an amazing parent putting his children first over his sex life.

Thanks all.

To clarify a few things:

• by a while I mean over a year
• we have been friends much longer than that and he kids have met him a couple of times
• I wouldn't for one moment go from them not knowing him to immediately having him stay over. It was this fact that lead me to thinking about appropriate timing and so I wondered what other people's experiences had been
• food for thought with my ex. Maybe the reason I found it weird is that I know him and considerate father of the year is not usually in his repertoire. It's interesting to see people's view of him on this one thing alone and maybe I should take my blinkers off when thinking about it

I honestly think the kids will "let you know" how they feel about a sleepover after they've got to know him in the context of being your boyfriend.

It is incredibly hard, as other have said, to go from having your parent always there for you when you're there, to someone else having their attention, boyfriend or another child.

I'd try a few dinners first. Then try a few breakfasts (him coming over for it, normal breakfasts). Then I'd probably do a dinner into breakfast at some point and make it a bigger deal, something fancier than you normally have etc etc