In-laws

[Nanodust]

So just looking for a chat really. My inlaws are lovely, they are involved with dds and lots of people comment how great they are. I've seen my mil make conversation with lots of people and admire her style and she looks great. My fil is also lovely and they both lead an active social life.

However they pretty much have very little to do with me. They are not rude or anything and remember birthdays etc, but just day to day nothing at all. When I was on mat leave we very rarely met up, despite living within a mile of each other. I did ask but was told that they would check diary and then never followed up.

I've tried to make an effort over the years but it's never really responded to, just a polite change of subject or dismissed and I don't want to become too persistent etc.

I'd really love to see them more, I'd love to have a closer relationship with them, but feel I'm always kept at arms length. My DH doesn't get it at all and because my dps are difficult says I should be happy that his are not like that. I'm not needy or anything, it's been years like this but as they get older I want to enjoy our relationship and get to know them.

Anyone else have this kind of relationship with inlaws?

They've had plenty of opportunity to respond to you and if they wanted to they would have. I think busy in laws who aren't particularly interested in you are much preferable to the overbearing types who want your entire world to revolve around them. It doesn't sound like you're going to get what you want because they don't want that.

Thanks Hilda, of course that is true 😀

They sound sort of like mine. Having a non-sleeping newborn with ILs close by who wouldn't even think of helping - so baffling to me. Sympathies, OP.

Thanks Pasta

Different family dynamics are different (she says, shrugging). I adore my parents and get on very well with my in-laws, but a long weekend with each every couple of months is plenty for me. I couldn't do the day to day contact or long visits that plenty of people here seem to thrive on. It really doesn't mean we like each other any less. Maybe they feel the same as I do - that doesn't make you wrong, just different.

They sound lovely. I can understand if you feel a bit hurt though.

I think I would recommend that you enjoy them as things are and don't push for more.

It sounds like they're giving as much as they want to at the moment. We're all different and I think a lot of in-law awkwardness can be avoided, generally speaking, by us all just accepting our differences. Also, I've found that letting go of such resistance can lead to things improving naturally.