Feeling unloved by partner... can anyone advise?

[snuffle]

Since my DD (almost 3mths old) came along things have been great but the past few weeks have started to go downhill with my partner. I love him dearly but starting to think he's falling out of love with me.
He seems to be working non-stop, we barely get an hour to ourselves in the evening cos little one won't go down until about 9-10ish after her last feed, he looks sad all the time, sex is out of the question, one or other of us is normally too tired otherwise DD plays up, he doesn't kiss me goodnight anymore and tell me that he loves me like he used to religiously every night before lights out and this morning he was about to go to work without even saying goodbye or a kiss... his behaviour is baffling me and also worrying me.
I know he has a lot going on right now with work, adjusting to our new baby, plus he's dealing with a close friend who is dying, but I feel powerless to help, he won't talk to me and if I keep on asking him if he's ok I feel like I'm nagging then he snaps at me. Can anyone make me feel better because right now I'm feeling low

Get used to it, im afraid! thats what having children is like in my experience! no goodbye kiss or anything any more..

Well we have dd 5, ds1 3 and ds2 8 weeks and dh still kisses me every night and morning and tells me he loves me so it's not always like that. We have sex too. Maybe it's to do with his friend being ill?

Very common I would say, with the added problem of the sick friend. It was months before I felt like doing anything myself.

The first few months are really, really hard for most couples - if you can get them to be honest about it. I know one man who said that when their DD was born "it was as though someone had opened the front door and thrown a hand grenade into the house". The three month mark is tough - the initial excitement of parenthood is starting to wear off and the knowledge that this is forever is starting to sink in. And don't underestimate the grindingly awful effects of extreme fatigue on both of you. I know you probably don't feel like it but perhaps you need to do a little bit of cheerleading right now. Don't keep hassling him to tell you that he loves you, make sure he knows how much you love him - but my advice would be not to say it, but to show it in practical ways. Nice meals work wonders if you can muster the energy. And see if you can do a few things that you enjoy to cheer yourself up. It does get easier but it does take time and there's no getting away from the fact that having a child changes every relationship.

Snuffle, my mum is dying and I can tell you I feel like I am in a cloud at the moment, just completely out of touch with everything around me. I dont want to talk. I dont want to listen. I dont want any physical contact with anyone except my mum and my daughter. All I can do is come on here, keep busy in the house and try and keep my headspace clear and I suspect thay maybe what he is doing too. ie shutting down his emotions.

Thanks, some useful comments.
He say's 'i'll be ok' when I ask if there's anything I can do, I know he's got 'stuff' going on in his head which I can do nothing about which makes me feel like a failure in some ways.
he did say that he feels bottom of the pile now DD has arrived but I keep assuring him that I'm the one who feels they are thought about last. I have made such an effort to make him feel wanted and needed in this family putting him always after the little one.
I run him a hot bath with candles some nights when I know he's had a tough day at work and there's always a meal waiting for him, though its been a struggle for him to eat it of late.
I'm always telling him I love him and shower him in kisses and reassure him that I'm here for him when he needs me but get the impression it goes in one ear and out the other.

I think this is very common, but it will pass once you get more into a routine with the baby. I remember realising that dh and I hadn't actually had a single conversation in the three week period directly after ds' birth - I have two dsc as well which makes it difficult.

Can you say to him that you are feeling rather vulnerable at the moment and need some reassurance that things are okay/he loves you? I had to say this a few times to dh.

Also, ime, men do tend to close down when they are very upset. It sounds to me like you're both going through a very tough time and you need to ride it out.

crystalpony - cloud, thats a great way to describe how he must be feeling. He did say that his head is proper messed up right now, I am very worried though that he may be heading for a breakdown, I have only touched on the main factors going on but there are many other things, some small but escalate when there is so much roaming round a head!

To be honest I'd back off with the showers of kisses. If he's feeling uncomfy with intimacy right now, that will just make it worse.

He seems like his struggling on lots of levels and feels like 'cocooning' himself and needs his space. Let him have it.

And I know it will be hard for you to give him the space as you want him to know desperately that you love and care for him..but I think the best way to help him is to take your lead from him IYSWIM?

I think you may be right he does need 'space' every now and then, normally involves heading down the pub to chat with the boys, I understand that and have no problem with him chilling out.
Maybe I just need to back off and except that he's having to ride out the storm in the way only he can.

Oh and ( sorry for millions of posts!!), if you do back off a little, tell him why, that your are giving him space but you are there for him and you need him to be there for the baby.

Crystalpony - you talk so much sense, ever thought of becoming a counsellor???
Thank you for your comments and I'm so very sorry to hear about your mum, I hope things work out for you.

I waffle more like! Thanks for your kindness snuffle and I hope things work out for you x