Advice please! Mind is going mad.

[User16357472]

Sorry if this is a long post, I just need some advice on my current situation.

Me and this guy have been seeing each other for 6 months now, originally agreed FWB however when you read other peoples FWB it doesn't seem the same. We spend all of our spare time together pretty much, and its not always about sex we just really enjoy each others company. We talk the whole time we're not together, morning to night. I've put all my eggs in one basket here, and there is only him I'm interested in, however I don't think its the same the other way round. I've seen messages to other girls, they could be friends but he doesn't mention it. He also keeps his phone face down or ignores his messages until I can't see. I know he's not meeting other people because he doesn't have time, he's always with me.

When we're out in a friendship group and he's drunk he talks to his friends about me, basically weighing me up as girlfriend material (there's a 10 year age gap, I'm 24, he's 34 which is think is a bit of a problem for him but he has never said it out loud to me) but then when he's sober he tells me to ignore what he's said, what does that mean to you guys?

I've met his brother and sister, and he has met my closest family and we all get on really well. He won't take me to meet the rest of his family though ie. Mother? I don't get that either.

I think I'm starting to fall for him, and quickly. I want to tell him but I don't know how without sounding ridiculous as from day one I've always said if I thought it would happen I would end it, I'm sure it's just happened overnight and now I don't know what to do with it. I will probably scare him off. Do I come out with it, if so how? I'm so confused to what he feels too!

You're both grown ups, not teenagers. Just tell him about this things that make you uncomfortable in the relationship. It doesn't sound like he wants to take things seriously and you do - that's probably a deal breaker. If you are scared to talk to him openly, in case he says 'whooooa! I'm off!' then that tells you a lot, don't you think?

He's enjoying dating and fucking you but wants to keep his options open. He sees you as a just for now partner not a long term partner.
For the sake of your own mental wellbeing you should end it and move on.

You need to speak to him. My best friend had a fwb just like yours, down to meeting his brother but he was honest that he didn't want to be her boyfriend. After a few years he met someone he fell in love with and married and had a baby with her. He still considers my friend a good friend of his.

Wanting to sleep with you and spend time with you doesn't necessarily mean that he considers you girlfriend material.

You need to tell him

He's either going to tell you he feels the same and you can start a proper relationship together

Or he tells you he doesn't and you move on to eventually find someone else who does want the same thing as you.

If you carry on as you are you will end up hurt.

I know I should tell him, but the thought of bringing it up makes me nervous never mind actually doing it.

I suppose you're right, only one way to find out what he thinks of it all before I am in too deep.

I think if he wanted more, he'd of said. Men know quite quickly when they meet someone they want for more than sex.

I don't think you need to bring it up, if he was interested, he would have said.

I'm interested in why you agreed to 'FWB' in the first place. Why did you go into it with grandiose statements about ending it if you fell for him? In my opinion (not in a small part fuelled by threads on here!) there are a hell of a lot of people pretending they're happy with FWB because they don't value themselves enough to say "I want commitment". Sure, there are some genuine mutual FWBs out there. But I think there are loads where the woman isn't confident enough to say what they want and forlornly hope the man will fall for them.

That's what I thought, if he wanted more he would say, but then I don't know if he would because I'm not one to be soft and he might think I will laugh him off.. maybe that's just a hope from me though?
I originally agreed to FWB because of the age difference but there was something about him.

Now I think for me it's I don't have the confidence to say something because it might scare him off, but as PP said I'm only going to get hurt if I carry this on. I just don't know how to approach it with him.