Has anyone introduced the idea of an open marriage? Successfully or unsuccessfully?

[ALittleFedUp]

Just that really.

Trying to not go into the whole thing so will keep it brief. But has anyone ever broached this with their partner? And what was the outcome? Or do you know anyone who has this?

What problem are you trying to solve?

No

I knew a friend of a friend who apparently had an open marriage. Sounded awful. Confusing for everyone and ultimately infidelity and heartache wrapped up in a nice label.

Why pushing? I've said I don't want to go into it. I've seen too many threads were posters get bogged down on a detail and the actual question gets ignored, so I'm not going into it.

Two of my friends are in an open relationship and seem happy enough with it.

I've got a few acquaintances who are polyamorous and they seem fine with it, but the only example I know of one party imposing an open marriage on a previously monogamous set-up ended in divorce within the year.

I've also got some friends who are non monogamous, but they were both experienced with that way of life before they met and it's part of a more rooted sexual identity for them.

Never been directly involved, but I've seen it work and I've seen it go horribly wrong. Roughly 50:50, maybe slightly skewed towards going wrong.

FWIW, I think it goes wrong when it's a well-intentioned attempt to fix an already-failing relationship.

^ yes absolutely.

Have you tried googling the pros & cons? Can keep your reasons for asking more private then, without people wanting to know the back story.

I just finished reading the truth by Neil Strauss (the guy who wrote the game). Really interesting read -might give you some feedback, though it looks at all sorts of life options, not just polyamory.

Sorry, meant not just open relationships!

You need to define "open"

Would your primary relationship remain your only emotional relationship and you would just have sex with other people?
Would you want to have emotional and sexual secondary relationships?
If its just sex would you be looking at ONS and hook ups or a long terms FWB type arrangement with one person?
Are you looking for same sex experimentation that may or may not lead you down a different path?
Do you have children? Would they be made aware of you having secondary relationships (assuming they would be emotional as well as sexual)? It would be naive to think that they wont know something is up especially if they are older.

But I agree with PPs that if you are trying to introduce this into a previously monogamous relationship because one or both of you fancy something different, it wont end well.

I don't know of any. Sometimes I wish I could sleep with someone else but my partner can't :-) haha but obviously I know that's not possible. And I don't really want to. Just fantasy.

I agree with others though, I can't see it working if you are in an unhappy relationship, I can only see it working with a couple who are incredibly close and happy. (Although personally I don't understand it).

I would enjoy an open marriage, but it is out of the question for my DH who is a strictly monogamous person. For me it is a small thing to give up for such an amazing DH as mine, so not worried about it and no regrets.

Going from monogamy to an open relationship is usually a quick route to divorce.

I think there are circumstances where it might be a viable option- If one partner no longer wants/is unable to have sex, but wants to remain married. A conversation about how to manage that long term might lead to an invitation to 'go elsewhere' for sex. Both people need to actively want to remain married though. It would have been fairly normal years ago, I think, for a wife to turn a blind eye to a man's affairs for example. We have a different standard for marriage now.

Thanks for the replies.

I just wanted to see what people thought. I doubt it's something that would actually happen in reality. It's just hard and I don't know how long I can carry on feeling like I do. Which I know helps no one without knowing my reasons so sorry about that. I feel bad about voicing them and I feel very mixed up and I don't know what I want.

Do you want it as an escape , or you are missing some fun? Or neither? (You don't have to discuss any further if not comfortable)

And purely sex based second relationship or emotional too?

Nothing emotional.

I know a Couple who introduced an open relationship after some years together, one fell in love with someone else and they split. The one who fell in love hadn't really wanted to open the relationship in the first place.

I'm sure this can work fine if it starts as a poly set up. But to introduce other sexual partners into a failing or struggling relationship is a recipe for disaster imo.

It's not really possible to guarantee you won't have any emotional connection to sexual partners.

If you are in a situation where your OH cant have sex for illness or disability reasons then I honestly cant see it working. An open relationship gives both parties the chance to pursue other people outside the marriage. But if you are talking about you getting permission to go and sleep with other people when your OH cant, I suspect that it will lead to resentment making your situation worse.

That's a pretty thick spammer if they can't work out that a thread about open marriage is not their target market