Is it possible that my good friend isn't as "nice" as I think she is?

[Emphasise]

I've known her about 15 years and I don't think it is really, but lately she's been upsetting everyone and often I can see their point.

I've always found her to be one of those never has a bad word, will do anything for anyone types but by her own admission she does like a bit of "banter." Some of it is a bit toe curling, I'm definitely the boring one straight man to her clown and she says things I wouldn't dream of, but never anything I've found offensive.

So today she's upset a group of people we know from a rival organisation by calling them a name. It's an insult, no getting away from that, but not swearing or vulgar. I know she doesn't really think that of these people, she was "joking" as part of a lighthearted rivalry, but they have taken offence.

Have I been making too many allowances for her being generally a decent person?

From what I've seen "banter" is now just an excuse for being rude.

We won't know. What did she say?

She sounds a bit of a twat.

The word she used is quite old fashioned and not often heard. If I tell you it will be really identifying.

I'm kicking myself because if we'd have had the conversation we've had today (about how I can understand why she upsets people) she'd have reigned it in ages ago. She's really upset that's she's been upsetting people and will modify her behaviour now she gets it.

Red flag, I think. Just be careful...

if she hasn't upset you in 15 years, you either have the hide of a lobster or she's just not that offensive.

I had a friend like this. I defended her to the hilt (that should have told me all I needed to know by itself) but the scales finally dropped and with dispassionate eyes I can see she isn't actually nice.
Some people aren't. If almost everyone thinks she isn't very nice...she probably isn't

So she said something offensive, she hadn't realised it would have caused offence, she's upset about it and she's going to change her ways? She sounds perfectly nice.

Yes, that's it Hassled, but she seems to have needed to "change" a lot recently. It's only really in the last 6 months. I haven't been aware of it at all before then.

We all have a dark side. Perhaps hers is leaking out. All that niceness must be so exhausting.

Is the rival organisation a political party?

I think the issue is not necessarily in making the mistake, but how she reacts to it once she realises.

No Pearls. It's sport

I have a friend like that, but I don't 'defend her to the hilt'. I tell when she's gone too far, and if other people comment that she's a bit edgey I'll say 'yes, she can be'. She has other excellent qualities tho including being very clever and a lot of fun. We all have flaws. I don't feel that her behaviour reflects badly on me because, why would it?

That said, I don't really value 'niceness' in people.