We were good and happy and apart from a few awful time when he drunk toO much things were good. Were these awful times before you got married? Or afterwards?
He has anger issues and if we rowed he would text me all day at work nasty messages. He shouts and swears and says awful insults. He has said nasty things about my family and colleagues at work. This is not normal and it will escalate. He's trying to isolate you from your support network.
When he drinks he's can't stop. He doesn't drink regularly about once a month or so... Sounds quite regular to me.
Over the next few weeks he made promises and he came home. He was fined at court. My son will never forgive him and I'm struggling to. I'm trying really hard to be sympathetic here, but what the actual fuck? Some violent drunk laid his hands on your teenage son and not only did you let him back into the family home, but you let him come back within a few weeks?! I would imagine your son is finding it quite hard to forgive you as well. What on earth were you thinking?
Since that day he promised never to drink- there has been 2 occasions when he has when me and my son were away. He is really trying as he is drinking the way he did and he wants to try and make things right but I just don't think I can. So he's proven to you on more than one occasion that he has no intention of keeping to the promises he made and as soon as he thinks your back is turned, he'll drink. He's not trying to stop drinking, he's trying to get you back where he wants you.
His agressiveness spills out and sometimes he will still shout and swear. Then he apologises but will say- I'm sorry but you .... and then will continue to tell me off again. Does he do this when he's sober too? He's not sorry at all. He's blaming you for his violence and aggression.
I decided to buy my house from the council but I'm doing on my own and he's angry about that too. I just don't know if we have a future and I don't want to risk me and my sons home. You need to get legal advice. If you purchase a house while you're married, will he be entitled to a share of if if you divorce?
How can I give up on our marriage when he's trying to change. But also how can I continue if my son never forgives him. You haven't written anything that suggests he's trying to change. Has he sought any professional help? Has he been to his GP? Has he sought advice from any substance abuse charity? Let's hope your son doesn't give up on you before you give up on your husband.
I would agree that alcoholism is a disease and I'd imagine that it's bloody difficult to stop drinking if you suffer from it, but you are a mother of a teenager. Your first responsibility should be to him and ensuring he's not at risk of physical violence in his own home from a dangerous, violent drunk his mother allowed into the family home!