How to deal with my c**t of an ex.

[IsabellaTrout]

We broke up just before Christmas due to him having a porn addiction and us never being intimate with one another. We have a 2 year old son.

Since then he hasn't had a job and currently lives in a flat share (HMO). He sees our son every Saturday and Sunday. During the time he has our son I work. He doesn't pay me anything in terms of child support.

We've just had an argument as he has accepted a job that means he will be working alternate Saturdays. He has told me that I need to give up my work so that I can accommodate him having a job. I have told him that this is totally unreasonable and he needs to find childcare for those days, if he wishes to have a job that involves working on the days he has agreed to have our son.

The argument ended with him still insisting that I give up my job as I have 'little outgoings', I live with my parents who can 'support and fund' me. I need this job to be able to pay for the car, food, nappies, bills etc. I am now extremely anxious that he won't turn up next week to collect our son and I will be forced into quitting my job. If he goes through with this then it also means he will only see our son one day a week.

Where am I from a legal standpoint? Am I able to fight for full custody and what is the likelihood of me being able to obtain it. Or is it possible for a court order to set a minimum amount of time that he has to spend with our son a week?

I am really really upset right now. I am at a total loss of what to do. Any advice?

No advice I'm afraid but didn't want to read and run. Hope it works out for you OP.

I am sorry but (wrongly in my view) a court can't force a father to take responsibility for keeping regular contact arrangements, even if it means the mother with care loses her job / shifts / childcare arrangements.

Disgusting in my opinion, but that's what happened to me.

I made vastly stressful, complex arrangements to keep working, supported by Childcare Tax Credits. If you have family support, use it. And good luck

It's shit and it's unfair but unfortunately there's really not much you can do. I learnt very early on not to rely on my ex for his contact days - even almost 5 years on he switches them at the last minute. So the days I work I always have a back up plan if it falls on one of the contact days. That way I don't have to be stressed about it.

I feel your pain though - I have to work a Saturday at my job and finding weekend childcare is a nightmare. I would be completely stuck if it wasn't for my parents helping out.

I would advise calling work and making them aware of the situation now ahead of Saturday just in case. They're likely to be less arsey about it if you've given them notice.

Arrange child care and contact cms.
He isn't up to being a proper parent unfortunately. .

Sadly no court will make him responsible. You are RP and responsible if Ex is a waste of space.

Would your parents be able to help short term. Can you put in a request for flexible working? None are ideal ... but sadly this is how it lies..

It is really frustrating.. However as soon as he starts work put in a claim to CMS.

My mum works on a Saturday and my dad usually catches up on the housework that they haven't been able to do during the week. Seems awfully unfair to ask him to give up his one day off to help me

Unfortunately I am self-employed so I'm not able to ask a 'boss' for support. If I give up the work that I do on a Saturday, I won't be able to re-scedhule it for any other day/time so I will be losing a significant amount of money. If I pay for childcare out of my own pocket it will cost the same as what I will earn (possibly even more).

Now he is working are you eligible for more money from him that you could put towards childcare?

Is childcare more expensive than a cleaner? If a cleaner would be cheaper would it be worth hiring one to clean your parent's house while your father cares for your child on a Saturday?

the good news is if he is working he has to pay maintenance - so get that claim in now. And if you are working are you claiming all the working tax and childcare you are eligible for? Go to entitledto and check.