Had a titful

[MozzchopsThirty]

God knows how much I've posted about my boyf on here
Been dating 3 years, met his kids once, his ex went crazy and we haven't done it since.
She calls all the shots, when he can & cant see them and if he doesn't tow the line she stops contact.
This means that every time she snaps her fingers he jumps as he's so desperate to see his dcs
She also stalks me on fb and uses it against him.

Haven't met any of his family

He's very odd about money, because my xmas list was more than his he asked for an extra present so it was 'fair'

I'm tired of it
We're at a point where we really don't like each other

Then knock him on the head and start living every aspect of your life 💐

I can understand the thing with his children but I don't understand why, after three years of being an integrated part of your family, you are not allowed to even meet his, when he has regular contact with them. That rings huge alarm bells to me. He's either ashamed of you, or ashamed of them. Or he's lying and hiding something.

I think he's ashamed of me
We have very different styles of parenting and I don't think he thinks I'm a good parent

I don't get it. Seriously. Perhaps someone can explain it to me.

Why do seemingly intelligent women stay in these situations? Why do people who are clearly thoroughly unhappy stay in relationships like this for three years, come on here (by their own admission) continually posting about their boyfriend, how miserable they are, get told to knock it on the head, then come back with yet more threads repeating the same basic stuff.

This may sound harsh but some times tough love is required. OP, this is not a relationship. You know it, you don't need repeated validation from us, what you need to do is stop fucking about and actually do something about it. If you don't, you'll just be back with another thread in a few months going round and round in circles and getting more and more worn down. You're not happy, you deserve better, so bloody do something tangible to change it rather than keep moaning about it on here. Control your life and your situation and knock it on the bloody head.

point taken

To quote TOWIE, you're mugging yourself off mate.

that made me laugh

I've had a good long think today.
He hasn't spoken to me since a few cross text messages yesterday

I deserve more
I'm not asking too much
Selling things to your girlfriend is not normal
Bickering over xmas presents is not normal
I'm actually a bloody good parent, not perfect but my children are safe, healthy and happy
Taking your kids out for food is fine

I'm fucking done!!!!!!!

Now how do I tell him
Can I do it by phone?
He's away with work until Friday

Yes, you can do it by phone and then get yourself a bubble bath, chocolate and a duvet cuddle. Wake up tomorrow morning free.

You can dump him by text if you Damn well want to. He's proven time and time again you are VERY far down on his list of priorities. Don't waste one more second on him. End it and find a real man who will treasure you.

You say you love him but you don't really. You love the man you wish he could be, but he's never going to be that man. How to tell him? Bluntly, quickly and with no wiggle room. He's been taking you for granted and treating you like shit so who cares if you upset him or not?

Yes do it now. Nice bath. And tomorrow is the first day of your new happy life.

Would you want your DC to be in a relationship like the one you're about to finish? Cos that's the role model you're showing them.

Be awesome and happy and stick to remembering that you're the prize

You ladies are tough as shit!!!!!

I let him wiggle
I'm rubbish

Chuck him now. Don't be rubbish.

20.12 last night you declare you a fucking done having listed out a load of shit things he's done.

21.40 last night you declare you've let him wiggle (which presumably means you haven't dumped him and aren't fucking done at all).

Which means my comment of yesterday was perfectly right and you're just going to keep coming back every now and again with the latest tale of woe.

Maybe you're just a drama llama and don't really want help at all?

You should dump him. But you can't be arsed. Can't really be that bad, then can it?

PS I am not a lady

He keeps showing you that you're not that important to him. Work out why you think that's a relationship worth keeping. Men don't put up with this shit, why do so many women? He's crap, your relationship is crap, he makes you feel like crap, am I missing something? ?

But I loved him very much, I just feel like I've given everything and got nothing back
But staying isn't going to improve things is it? It's only going to make you more pissed off with yourself for wasting even more time in an unhappy relationship. Take a look at sunk cost fallacy as that can explain our reluctance to leave shit relationships.

You ladies are tough as shit!!!!!
Only because, speaking for myself here, I've been out with too many unsuitable men and wasted too much time with them instead of valuing myself more than I did and ending things sooner. I could've had more time happy alone or with someone more worthy and that pees me off.

I let him wiggle
I'm rubbish

By that I'm getting the impression that you tried to end it and he said he loves you, promised things will change, etc, right? It's often really hard to end it isn't it, especially when you're harking back to the happy days. But, do you want to be happy or not? You've not been happy with this man for a long time, so what stops you ending it? Do you think his desire to be in a relationship with you trumps your desire not to be?

you get what you settle for

Wow would I get this abuse if he was abusing me in some way (which I guess he is emotionally)

Being called a drama llama or I get what I settle for isn't helpful

I had years of abuse from exh which has left me unsure about my decisions, my feelings and what to expect from a man

Thank you to those of you who have given sound advice, I appreciate it

FWIW I did tell him I no longer wanted to be in the relationship, he tried to make it all about me, attacking me verbally and making allegations of cheating

Today of course I've had those texts he's sorry, he didn't mean to be offensive, he'd had a few drinks etc etc
I haven't replied

I think some people believe in tough love so I'm sure no-one meant to offend you.
Most of us have been in your shoes. Of course it easier to believe they are sorry and will change as the alternative can be frightening and daunting. I've been with my stbxp for 16 years and been through this loads of times in those 16 years. Its only now I feel I can actually go through with it.
I'm sure you're time will come.

It doesn't matter if he says its your fault, if he attacks you verbally.
The essential is to get shot.
The issue is that you ask for support then apparently ignore the advise given repeatedly.
Accepting "brutal words" is part of being on an open board.I agree it's not always effective.
Most people have been sympathetic.
Get him gone, then get some counselling to regain your self respect.
No partner is better than an abusive one.

When you get used to being with someone, it's hard just to walk whenever things seem shite or they are acting like wankers.

I spent 7 what felt like years months with a guy who mentally abused me, I walked, he said sorry & I went back.

We finally ended & I can hand in heart say, I won't ever go back to a relationship like that, I haven't the time since having my son & not viewing men the same!

Op, it'll end when it's ready to end.

He can't make you stay with him.

If you want out text him it is over then block him. You can do this.

Wow would I get this abuse if he was abusing me in some way (which I guess he is emotionally)

The problem is too many people, including yourself, underestimate just how damaging emotional abuse is. It is quite literally soul destroying.

You are being emotionally abused (IMO) and many of us can see that, whereas you are not quite there yet and some people may be frustrated by that. What you don't need though is people telling you what to do, telling you what decisions you must make and belittling you when you don't make the decisions they've told you to make. It's the difference between giving you advice, recommendations and support versus treating you in much the same way as an abuser would - how ironic!

Take your time and make your own decisions. Take into consideration that with so many people of the opinion that you are being abused it may very well be true. Do some reading and self-education then make your own informed decision (and LTB :))