Confused about dh and old flame.....please give me your advice and thoughts?

[prep]

Please can you help me process what's going on in my life?
Have been married 4 years, and have a dd of 3yrs. Recent circumstances mean that the 3 of us are all now at home, which is proving immensely difficult, as dh and I are basically getting under one another's feet. Plus, he has never spent this much time with dd, and he is finding it tough going. We've had a couple of big rows recently when he's gone out and doesn't come home when he says he'll be home and either has his phone off or doesn't answer - this drives me bonkers. I don't mind him going out at all (rather love it!), but want to know I can contact him. Feels like we are not important to him which is probably churlish, but there you go. Our sex life is also pretty disastrous, stemming from a difficult birth, resulting in me undergoing surgery, so no sex for 10 months or so. Now, dd is a terrible sleeper and I usually sleep with her and dh sleeps by himself, so not much sex happening at all. We acknowledge this and say we want to fix dd?s sleeping before worrying about the sex life.
Now to confuse things, 3 months ago I unexpectedly ran into a man who used to be my indirect boss, 10 years ago. I always had feelings for this man, despite having been in another relationship at the time. When that relationship finished (about 8 years ago) I did spend an evening with this man, after he engineered it to be just me and him, and we kissed and had a very long and intimate chat. He had been married around 2 years, and said he was confused to feel like this about me. As he is based in New York, he is not in London often so about a year later we ended up spending the night together. No sex, but very intimate. Stayed in touch a little after this, but not much. Then, ran into him 3 months ago. He was on a quick visit over here, so we met for breakfast and then again that afternoon for a quick drink. Nothing happened, but we talked frankly about what happened before. Then 10 days ago I got an email from him saying he was back for a few days so we met up, had drinks and were very flirty and then ended up having a bit of a kiss.
My dh knows the history here, and says he doesn?t mind me going out with this man at all. Not sure whether to be pleased or worried about this frankly!
Other man is back in a month and has said he?d like to meet up. Of course I want to, but of course I know it is probably the wrong thing to do. Just hoping someone can understand some of what is going on here and offer some words of wisdom.
Btw, have changed name as would like to keep this private.....

prep, if you meet this guy there is a more then 50% chance something will happen between you.
you should think if you want to start the breakdown of your marriage with this as you will only have more and more thoughts with every inch you get closer to this guy.

unless your dh didnt mind if somehting happened between you guys...

In a nutshell, prep, I think you should forget about this other man for the time being and concentrate on the big issue here, i.e lack of sexlife between you and dh. You need to think about how you can reignite it. The ball shouldn't just be in your court - you need to talk about it together and work out how to resolve it. A big step is working together to make sure you can sleep in the same bed. It sounds obvious but sometimes couples use the whole "dd is terrible sleeper" to delay facing up to correcting what is such a fundamental ingredient in any mum and dad's relationship - that beyond all the kid stuff, you still find each other attractive and want each other. Deal with these issues first and see where it gets you. Don't let a bit of a fling or a crush on some old flame stop you from finding happiness in such a valuable relationship as you have with your dh.

Did you tell your dh that you kissed this man and so cheated on him? What would he think about that? My dh would be devestated if he found out I'd kissed another man and it is cheating.

I would be worried.
There is no way my dp would be happy about this, in fact he'd probably rugby tackle me at the door to stop me going out!
And of course vice versa!!

I presume he does not know that you have kissed?

So exactly how much of the history does your dh know? Is it possible he?s not that concerned as he knows you spent the night together some years back and didn?t have sex then despite the fact you were single, so perhaps feels secure in the knowledge that it?s even less likely to happen now that you?re married?

And what of the other man? Is he still married?

Only you know what you want from your life. If you love your dh and you see your future with him, then that is what you need to work on. If you do not know whether you still have a future with your dh, then you need to resolve that, but you need to do that separately from this other man. Whatever you do, you have to do it for you, not for anyone else. You also need to consider that if the other man is married, then by getting involved with him you are putting his marriage at risk as well as your own.

DH doesn't know about last week's kiss, but knows everything else that's happened. Weirdly, he has suggested that perhaps if something did happen with this man, it might re-ignite our sex lives. I found this strange, and wonder if he wants me to do this to ease his own conscience (he hasn't done anything that I know of), or if perhaps he finds it a turn-on to think of me with another man. He never gets jealous of me having friendships with other men, nor when other men have flirted with me. After I went out last week he didn't even ask about it all.

Yes, other man is still married.

Thanks for this feedback, it's really helping!