Hello. I am very new to the forum but desperate for some advice, please.
I don't know what to think or do.
I am getting married in a few weeks time. I've been with my OH for over 5 years, been engaged 1 year and we've always lived together as met at uni. The last week or so he has been acting 'off'. I don't know whether this is because of the last stretch before the wedding and trying to tie loose ends together being quite time consuming and quite frankly boring. or because there is a genuine reason i should worry.
I woke up in the middle of the night to find my OH pleasing himself under the duvet. I just laid there for a minute just to be sure this is what's happening. He had his phone and head under the duvet as well presumably watching porn. I sat up and said annoyed 'hope you're having fun'. To which he replied he was just playing and what's my problem. I went downstairs as was very annoyed and he was being very defensive about the situation. This wouldn't normally bother me but we literally had sex before going to bed.
So over the past week or so my OH has displayed many 'typical signs' of an affair. 1. Excessive messaging 2. Being secretive 3. Physically being there but being abscent. 4. Super motivated for the gym 5. When I wake up in the middle of the night, he is frequently awake and when I ask what he's still doing up he normally replies 'you are so annoyoing' and goes off to the toilet. 6. He told me that we should spend more time apart going out with our own friends 7. He planted the seed that he might have to go to a new branch of his office which means he will have to stay a night away.
I have 99% trust for my OH and I love him so much and I want to marry him but him being secretive gives me that 1% doubt. His phone and laptop are both password protected and when I jokingly say 'someone's popular ' when hes messaging a lot he always takes it the wrong way and calls me jealous.
I know all of the reasons he's been acting suspiciously can also be explained by the upcoming wedding like trying to get fitter, çhatting to best man etc and probably some stress but it's weird that it's all suddenly happened all at one in a space of a week.
I was thinking about going on his phone after 'catching him' last night but I don't want to be one of those girls!! Equally if I confront him he normally turns it around and somehow manages to make it sound like it's all my fault and my lack of trust. That would also further his view of me being jealous.
If I asked to go through his phone, he's not stupid, he would delete all the 'dodgy stuff' first.
We did have a frank chat about the trust issues before and I explained that it's him being so protective over his phone and laptop that gives me the 1% doubt but he replied wth something along the lines of 'this is my only privacy left. We are getting married but we don't need to know every single detail about each other'. I am not like that and he at times uses my phone or laptop BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
I just don't know what to think of all of the above or whether to do anything or not. Is it me jumping to conclusions? Have other people noticed their OH acting out of character just before the wedding?
Thanks for your opinions and suggestions in advance and sorry about the essay!