Domestic violence

[WillAndDisgrace]

Today was the last straw, I called to police but he left before they came. We got in a argument, he got in my face shouting. I do t want to go into detail as it's with the police now. He's been charged with common assault and battery befor so not sure will happen now. I'm my son has gone to my Dsis for the night, he doesn't need to see the snivelling wreck of a mum.

I think I may need a solicitor, how much do they cost? I'm not going to say amything more to the police....and they can't make me testify. I've done enough. H told me he still loves me tonight :(

Any tips on free legal advice? X

Call a legal aid lawyer in the morning. You have evidence of his violence ( previous conviction) so if you are on a low enough income you may well qualify.

Many solicitors offer a free half hour or since their is dv involved you may be entitled to legal aid. Contact the law society for a list of local solicitors who specialise in family law and offer legal aid. Alternatively contact your local citizens advice who may be able to point you in the right direction. They will also be able to advise you about what you can claim benefits wise.

It sounds to me like you could be codependent and your stbex may have narcissistic tendencies. Have a read about the red flags and see whether they seem familiar. If he does and you are it is extremely difficult to bring your relationship to an end because you have become so used to being told what to do, made to feel that all his problems are your fault, you have also most likely been gaslighted where he warps your perception of things (i.e. Telling you you did something like look at another man when you truly didn't but you end up apologising because he convinces you that you must have). I am speaking from bitter experience, having wasted so many years because I was waiting for the man I originally married to reappear. The truth was that man didn't exist, he was the illusion the real man was the emotional abusive manipulative and controlling person. Please keep strong, go to your doctor and ask for an urgent referral for counselling and explain what you have been through you really can break the emotional connection you feel to him and then you will realise what you've really been through.

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/advice-lines/

Rightsofwomen have a couple of helplines where you can call and get free legal advice.

I won't urge you to testify against your wishes, but I will urge you to limit or cut contact with him for now x

Call Womens Aid - they will be able to help with solicitor etc....
As you have prooved DV you will probably be entitled to legal aid depending on your earnings, savings etc....
Please also call CAB and find out about benefits etc...
Also get on line and look at what you will get in maintenance payments.
It's not easy.
My ExH left and after a few months didn't pay me a penny.
I had to look into all outgoings but I did it.
On my own. It can be done but you need to get practical.
Cancel Sky, look at all bills and make calls to see if you can get them down.
If you have a mortgage see if they can allow you a 'break' or interest only until you get back on your feet.
You will do this.
I'm so sorry. Make sure he stays away this time.
As long as you are seen to be putting DC safety first then SS will help you.

Do to have know the guidelines for legal aid have changed?

Some things that will qualify you (within the income cap) are: having your case discussed at MARAC; Having a Non - Molestation order; being or having been in a refuge; your ex having convictions (I think!) Would qualify you.

Find a solicitor that does free 30 mins for you, and then talk about legal aid.

I am saying this as mine has so far cost 11k to fight ex as he's asking for joint custody, and funnily enough I don't think that's safe!

How are you doing?

Had a terrible day yesterday, cried most of the evening. Today I feel more positive, going to citizens Advice Bureau, and going to get an app with my doctor. Not sure why I feel calmer tonight, maybe the emotional/ sentimental fog is lifting. Not even fussed about keeping the pins of communication with H open (that terrified me before to think of loosing that). Let's see how tomorrow fairs

*lines

You're doing brilliantly! It's totally normal to feel a bit up and down, or even to not how you feel at all.

Good luck at the CAB

I hope CAB were able to help you.
They can be a bit hit and miss at times depending on who you get.
You will have so many lows but then the highs will get higher and longer and you'll start to feel a bit more like yourself.
It will take time. A lot of time.
Just take it one day at a time and get yourself through that tunnel.
Well done OP - keep going (KOKO)