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Relationships

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Original poster

Moving in with someone - how soon?

18 replies

newsparklylife · 06/05/2017 18:51

Opinions please?

New partner and I have been discussing moving in together. He would move in with me... we haven't been together that long.

How soon is too soon?

Thank you :)

OP posts:

hazeydays14 · 06/05/2017 18:56

I honestly think it depends on your relationship
I moved in with DP after 5 months of being 'official'. My DM was a bit worried it was too soon but it felt right for us and it's still going well over a year later.

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 19:20

It depends who else is involved and how reversible it is.

If there are children, then anyone still new enough to be described as new, is too soon.

If you're giving up a secure HA tenancy to do it - it's too soon to do that.

If you need to pay half his rent and that's more than your rent now and it'll stop you saving for a house deposit / building a pension - it may be unwise.

If you like each other, and you know if you change your mind you can just say "see ya" and walk out... then as soon as you like!

gamerchick · 06/05/2017 19:24

Depends. Are there kids? Are you still in the first flush of shagging whenever you can? How new is new?

It's easy to get caught up when you're in the lust stage but that doesn't last forever.

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 19:25

Hmmmm. Advanced search says in January the financial side of your divorce wasn't sorted, including a verbal agreement that you had the house. Is your divorce completed? (I'm thinking unlikely to have the decree absolute and consent order now if it wasn't well underway in Jan)

Your boyfriend moving in would potentially have a bearing on your divorce settlement.

So - too soon or not emotionally is your call but I wouldn't move him in if the divorce isn't yet cold legally. And I'd also consider whether it would piss my ex and co-owner of the house. Because whilst you can't live your life kowtowing to an ex, and little bit of judicious timing to avoid unnecessary flare ups is wise!

Hermonie2016 · 06/05/2017 19:27

Also watch for what is driving you to move in together? If it's him, does he have other options? Don't be an easy choice for him if his housing situation has changed.
Your partner needs to be someone who is grown up and able to house themselves, not relying on a newish girlfriend.

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 19:28

I would absolutely move in with someone much sooner than I'd let them move in with me, by the way!

If you change your mind in his home, you just go.

Change your mind when he's in your home... what if he won't go? What if you feel guilty cos he gave up a nice place? What if you feel you have to give a month's notice to a man who is pissed off that you dumped him?

Where's the fire? I would always think about WHY I was moving in quickly. Is it really necessary? Is it because you want to, or is it more driven by circumstance?

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 19:29

^ yep, that's what I was getting at, Hermonie was much clearer!

A man who wants to give up a fab cheap flat because he adores me... maybe.

A man who has been dossing on a mate's floor - not so much!

TheNaze73 · 06/05/2017 21:06

I think it depends on number & ages of you & the children. Delay it as long as possible. Dating is the best bit!

susanboozan · 06/05/2017 22:12

Why would you not be in a position to move in with him? Just wondered.

There may be many reasons for that of course!

Princesspinkgirl · 06/05/2017 23:01

After a month place is in my name though so if something goes wrong myself and daughter will be ok so far its ok few bumps in the road! I think it does depend on the relationship

Ellisandra · 06/05/2017 23:14

You moved a new boyfriend in with your child after a MONTH?!!!!
Please tell me I've misunderstood that.

elQuintoConyo · 06/05/2017 23:18

It took now-DH and I 8 years

BubbleBed · 06/05/2017 23:19

ExH and I were about three months. But we were early twenties and with no kids.

DP and I? Well it's nearly four years and we still have two houses for our respective kids......

SarahS2404 · 06/05/2017 23:30

Me & my Fiancé moved in with each other after 3/4 months. Still going strong 2&1/2 years later with first baby on the way :)

Some people need longer though! It's whatever feels right for you both :)

Mari50 · 07/05/2017 11:44

Depends on your situation, if there are no children involved in either side then do as you please, if there are children then you need to slow things down- imo.

Fireandflames666 · 07/05/2017 13:13

Agreed with being slow if children are involved.

BitchQueen90 · 07/05/2017 14:30

I wouldn't move in with anyone unless we'd been together 2+ years. But I have a DS and protecting us and our home is important to me no matter how good the relationship is. You know pretty much nothing about a person if it's just been a couple of months.

Thattwatoverthere · 07/05/2017 18:42

Second date . Did already know him though, he came round and just never left really. So far, so good but learning about someone's living habits when living together already can be a bit odd! But fun too.

We have no kids which makes a difference and are pretty good at communicating if something drives us mad. If it feels right then go for it IMO.

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