When should I meet his kids?

[Sacha1993]

(I totally just spent about half an hour writing this damn post and I think it deleted instead of posting... ugh)

TL:DR - boyfriend of 3 weeks wants me to meet his kids - I'm not sure... help!!

Basically, I've been speaking to this guy since July, met in October and made the relationship official 3 weeks ago. He's 28, I'm 23 and he has 3 kids 7-9.

I'm aware I'm still young and the relationship is really really early and tbh I wasn't planning on meeting his kids for at least year or so (and I'm pretty sure he knew my opinion on it!) but he's just invited me to a family gathering at the end of May which involves meeting his kids.

To be honest it's something I've been thinking about recently anyway (when I should meet them) and I had been reading some threats on here and they either say dont meet them until you know it will last long term (and 3 weeks isn't long enough to know that will happen) or meet them early so you know they like you.

I've already met his mum, stepdad, grandma and a couple cousins so I'm already being introduced to family but I'm definitely avoiding meeting his kids more than he is.

I'm a teacher (EYFS/KS1/SEN) but I'm back at uni now (in a different city to him) so the only times I get to see him are at the weekends and I always feel bad because he sees his kids at the weekends and wednesdays so more time spent with me means less time he can spend with his kids which isn't fair in my opinion (he needs to spend more time with them rather than me). We see each other once or twice every month but since we've become official we've seen each other a lot more (thanks to bank holidays). But he keeps saying that once I meet them we can all spend time together (he's said it a lot, like he wants me to meet them soon)

There was loads more information in my deleted post but I can't remember it off the top of my head now so if you need more info to help me then just ask.

Either way, I think it's not fair on his kids to introduce me just yet but I know it's his choice anyway because they are his kids. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to meet them, I just want to make sure the time is right. It's also up to their mum too - I think I'd be a bit pissed if I was her...

Anyway, any advice welcome... please help!

To be honest I'd be a bit miffed over a 28 year old having (and leaving) 3 kids. I wouldn't want my daughter anywhere near that bag of cats.

UppityHumpty that's why I was asking advice :P

I've read a few threads similar to this and there were arguments for and against. It was pretty much context that determined it and I wanted the advice of people with kids. Unfortunately I wasn't aware I'd be told how terrible the relationship is and how I should end it :(

I think I'm just going to have to base it on how I feel - we went into the relationship saying we were going to take things slowly. Things have suddenly sped up and I'm not happy with the speed so I'll suggest to him that I don't meet the kids just yet.... meeting his parents was a big enough step 3 weeks in (hell I technically met them before we became official :P )

Haha, she doesn't like him more because she's a bit of a snob and thinks the area he and his family live in is too "council estate esque"

It's not going to be an easy road is it? His kids may or may not like you but either way they are going to be fairly demanding. If you end up staying with this guy and go on to have children with him he will have to support 4 or 5 children, which is no mean feat.
Take things slowly. The kids will have a lot to deal with watching both of their parents with new partners. That will be quite tough for them. Perhaps he is keen for you to meet them as you are a teacher and he thinks that you'll be good with them. He should put his children's welfare first and not even dream of introducing you at this very early stage.

heyday the last bit was my thinking too. I was surprised at how early he is considering introducing us and wasn't sure if it's my place to tell him that I don't think it's fair on his kids... they are his after all... I don't want him to think I don't want to meet them, because I do, I just don't think it's fair on them yet.

If I were you I'd wait to meet them until September when your masters is finished and you move to that area. That way it gives you longer than 3 official weeks to see how it pans out with him. And as he can drive now you'll be seeing him more anyway. You don't need to rush into family time, it does seem like the convenience of it is what is pushing him to get you to meet his kids.

Yeh, that's a really good idea, Ditsy... I also think that part of it is that he's not had a relationship since his kids mum... the relationship moved very fast (married and baby within a year, twins 2 years later, divorce after 4 years of marriage) so I don't think he really knows what speed to take things... which is why we initially said we would take things slowly... but now he wants me to meet his whole damn family (aunts and uncles included) which I'm finding slightly strange as it is since I'm going to hold off actually letting him communicate with my odd family as long as possible (especially at the moment - we're in the middle of family drama which is fun)

I've told him I won't be able to come to the family gathering... I have exams the week after so don't want to remove possible revision time anyway (which he already mentioned)

I'm also going to start asking him more questions about his 'family' because he's normally quite reluctant to mention his ex (I've asked is their mum knows about me - I think that's important and needs to happen before I meet the kids anyway)

Thanks for the advice :) Feel free to keep inputting though

I can understand your b/f wanting you to meet his kids. I usually think people should wait around 6 months at least before introducing kids into their relationships. Waiting til you finish your masters in September is probably the best idea.

Also, to the people saying he left.... his wife actually left him.... just in case you wanted to know.... on the off chance it made some of you hate him a little less..... :)