DH has been low for a few weeks now. We've had periods like this in the past during our marriage, mainly linked to work or money. That is, his low mood/depression surfaces when things are crap in these areas. DH is self employed and has been for approx 7 yrs so income is up and down and I've acknowledged this is part and parcel of it. Despite this the positives are this gives him flexibility re: work hrs so he can pick up/collect kids from school etc (I work 30 hrs a wk over 3 days).
So currently he's not got a lot of work, this has brought on self doubt and he starts thinking he's rubbish at what he does. It's resulted in us needing to borrow money from his parents to manage and cover his personal bills etc. We've had to do this in the past but not for a long time as we'd managed to build contingency fund for times likes this but this ran dry due to money needed to building works in bathroom etc.
Not sure if it's a bloke thing, but he feels he's letting us down by not providing financially. I try to tell him that contribution to family life isn't just financial and it doesn't matter who brings in the main wage as long as someone is. DH go to coping strategy is sleep/going to bed and he also starts wearing a beanie hat as he cant be bothered to do his hair, make effort with personal appearance as he says what's the point. I try to say that making the effort, putting on clothes he feels nice in etc can make us feel a bit better but he doesn't listen. I suppose this the point of this post really- I make recommendations for helping himself- distract with things that need doing round house, chores, try to be around others rather than isolating himself but he chooses to continue to do what I perceive to be unhelpful things that don't make him feel better. (By the way I work in mental health and have done so for 15yrs so like to think I have an idea what I'm talking about.). I also feel he just doesn't take responsibility for both his health generally and his life eg: I manage his finances- sort out money to cover outgoings etc which he happily let's me do. If I suggest things, his response is usually 'don't want to do that's 'that won't help'. I really feels he could do with therapy re the way he thinks and behaves at times when things are a bit shit but he thinks nothing will change this.
It's just so bloody frustrating and I'm fed up with trying to be the adult and trying to carry on and be positive/hopeful one. It's just fact I feel he doesn't want to take responsibility for his life, responses etc so the rest of us suffer!
If anyone has any experience of this and ideas what I can do, I'd be very grateful.