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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any advise welcome

3 replies

Snowhite · 13/03/2007 20:09

Hi I am new to mums net well sort of been lurking for months this is my first post.

Where to start ? I have been with DP for nearly 8 years and have a 4 yo DD. I am having serious doubts about our relationship and have felt like this for a while the main problem is my dp cannabis problem. He only smokes spiffs and has about 6 a day (what I know of anyway) and he is a really kind and caring person when he has some to smoke the problem starts when he has not got his fix. He becomes this very nasty person who either ignores me completely or shouts at me and dd, it feels like I am in a relationship with 2 different people. It has caused no end of problems e.g lost his job once because he got caught smoking it, ruined every family holiday I now refuse to go on holiday with him and spends any spare money on it. I have asked him several times to give up / cut down not for me but for the sake of our dd and so far has not even attempted to give up which means that he could not give a s**t about losing his family.

Before Christmas I thought enough is enough I was going to leave after Christmas but when I see him with dd I just can not ever imagine splitting them up she thinks the world of him. Re ? reading this back I know in my heart of hearts what I need to do just need any advise on what to do should I stay for the sake of dd.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 13/03/2007 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyLoo · 13/03/2007 20:17

You can't stay just for the sake of your DD. It doesn't sound as if it is such a great environment for her anyway at the moment. Could you possibly leave for a short period in the hope of him getting some help for this. I know there are helplines for people living with 'drug addicts' sorry don't know the names. Maybe worth contacting for advice.

sistabreeze · 13/03/2007 20:39

Hi there Snowhite
welcome to MN

I have lived with a coke addict for a long time and any addiction is really bad news as i'm sure your aware.
The things youve said about him losing his job, spending spare £ on it, getting aggressive with you and dd, are serious warning signs.
I finally realised that i had to leave when i realised that my dd's could be taken away from me if social services found out that they were iving with an addict.

You dont have to split up acromoniously, we did it fairly amicably, he lives down the road and sees the dd's almost daily. He is fully part of their lives and it has made him get his act together about the coke too.

It is a really hard decision you are going to have to make , but if he cannot respect you enough to try to give up then you probably know where you and your dd are best off.

sending you {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

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