He won't leave!

[PralineCake123]

I ended things with my ex in January. It was a build up of many many things. I asked him to leave by March, which he originally agreed to (he had 6 weeks by that point to find a new place). End of February he decided that actually he wasn't going because he had nowhere to go to (think he was planning on going to his mums as he's gone there before when we've separated) he said I wanted everything my own way and he wouldnt be made homeless. Unfortunately there is nothing I can actually do about him staying. We moved house just after Christmas and so are both signed into a year tenancy on our house. I would have taken my children and found somewhere else to live if I was able to but it simply is not an option. And he has every legal right to be here until our year is up. 4 months since we split and he still hasnt found anywhere.. He is extremely lazy and idle and has so far viewed zero properties...in 4 months (he doesn't work so has plenty of time to look) . We have two young children and the eldest is definitely picking up on the atmosphere and is not acting themselves. I'm at breaking point...a huge reason I ended it is because I could no longer tolerate living with such a dirty, lazy slob... But I'm having to. He's very childish so is being extra messy to provoke me, I feel.. I have OCD (which he liked to make fun of) and its got so much worse living with him. I suffer from depression and anxiety (he says I'm neurotic and crazy) and its all just getting too much. I just don't know what to do. I can't see him leaving any time soon and living with him is killing me. I don't have any family I can go to.

Can you pay the rent on your own? If so you need to speak to the landlord or letting agent and give notice on this contract and then resign a new one, just yourself. As its a joint tenancy, if one of you wants to leave this current agreement is voided anyway ( liabilities for rent during notice period apply) but you can give notice and sign a new solo contract the same day. Then give the twat a months notice and he's out.

The above is only correct if you are in a rolling monthly tenancy. OP and ex partner have signed a one year fixed term. There may or may not be a break clause, which she may or may not be able to invoke by herself.

Both of you are entitled to stay until the end of the tenancy, and both are jointly liable for the full rent too.

OP, head over to the moneysaving expert housing forum, and provide as many details as possible from the tenancy agreement (all the dates, wording of the break clause if it exists); the folks over there will be able to advise you.

forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=16

Been in a similar situation here OP. Husband and I separated at the beginning of the year and have a joint mortgage. We've carried on living together as I can't afford to move out and he refuses. It's torture at times. I've been sleeping on the sofa since the separation as we have 4 children and no room for a spare bed. I've been refused tax credits because we are still living together. I was at breaking point till my parents offered to have me and the children stay for a short while. It's going to be tight, they will all have to share a room for a while, but it's the only way to get out of this mess. I hope you can do something similar OP.

This is a situation from absolute hell - you have my sympathy.

If you have to live together then make it very clear that you are not together. I hope you are sleeping apart - having that time without the other person being in close proximity is crucial.

Have really clear boundaries - do not cook for him, do laundry for him etc.You are seperate. Have space for yourself in the evenings - e.g. he can watch TV in the lounge and you have the bedroom (and make that your little haven). Put all his crap in a box or bin liner if you feel you have to tidy it. Detach and do not engage with him.

Get out and about as much as possible with the DC if he is sitting brooding in the house. Be so kind to yourself - practice a lot of self care and do not beat yourself up about the situation.

I bet once he leaves that your anxiety and depression will really improve.

Speak to the landlord. You might not be able to break the contract but they can issue you notice. So he could give you your notice and you sign a new single contract.

A landlord cannot just issue notice nilly-willy. They are bound by the same contract, and by the law which offers tenants protection.

Apart from that, the landlord currently has two people jointly liable for the full amount of rent. By agreeing to change to a single tenancy mid-term they would put themselves in a worse position. And they may of course want to check OP's finances to see if she can afford the rent first.

Any voluntary surrender of the tenancy would involve the agreement of not just the landlord but also OP's ex. It is his home too. He has the same rights as OP.

Speak to the utility companies and ask for the bills in both names if there aren't already.

I'm a landlord in England. It might help if I post about your situation from a LL point of view so you can be prepared.

There's no way a sensible landlord would take responsibility for instigating breaking a legal contract!

As long as you and your ex are in agreement, you can however appeal to the LL (verbally and then in writing if the conversation goes ok) and ask to end the tenancy early and then either take it on in your own name, or move. When talking to them, say you don't want to put them on the spot but will call back once they've had time to consider their position.

I've been in this position and I agreed to start advertising for another tenant and would only end the current one on the date the new tenancy started. I was already losing out on the costs associated with ending a tenancy and starting a new one early. I was not prepared to lose the rent between tenancies too.

I also wouldn't consider less people on the tenancy as there are less people responsible for paying the rent should finances be tight. However, this could be overcome by having a guarantor. Something to think about.

Please note:- if the tenancy is in joint names and within the fixed period, you both must be in agreement and both give notice. The LL would be acting unlawfully to accept notice from one tenant and end the tenancy unless it were on a rolling tenancy.

just I'm pretty sure she can't just ring up and ask for his name too be put on utilities wouldn't he have to give permission?

If both of them are on the electoral role /council tax bill then yes.

I left ex and gas tried to bill me for all. . Accepted 50% when I reminded them 2 adults lived there and I wasn't solely responsible.

Offer to send proof.

I'm not surprised that he won't go if he doesn't work. What landlord would consider him with no income to pay the rent with?

Unless you have money to bribe him with and can afford the rent on your own as well.

It's a shitty situation to be in, for both of you. Meanwhile do absolutely nothing for him: no laundry, no cooking. He can fend for himself.

I'm also currently having to live with stbxp as neither of us can afford to leave but still pay half the mortgage.

The only thing you can do is speak to the landlord, explain the situation and ask if they would consider ending the tenancy early. Some landlords will agree to do this if they can advertise and get another tenant in. They might charge you an extra month rent or something (I think they lose out on their 1st months rent to the agent) but it might be a small price to pay.

Sounds like you have about 8 months left on your tenancy which is a long time to put up with living with him. At least you have an end date. I have no clue when my house might sell!!

I initially spoke to the landlady about it back in February, she was lovely about it. Happy to take ex off and never to re-sign a new contract alone. I showed i can easily afford it alone... But then ex backtracked and refused to sign himself out our current contract until gets somewhere new. Regarding living situation, straight away I sorted my finances to be separate from him etc and we definitely live very independent lives. He's in the spare room, does his own washing and cooking etc. His attempts to actually find a new place are pitiful... I think he's enjoying staying here because it's hell for me and he's liking that. Once the year is up, I can re-sign alone, I plan on staying. I just wish he would go. All I can do is try to avoid him as much as possible. Thanks for your support and advice, it's very much appreciated at this really stressful time.

Fuck avoiding him. Make sure staying becomes hellish for him not you. What does he hate? What winds him up?

No way I'd get into a war of who can make things worst for the other. That's playing with fire that will just make both suffer.

Well I've tried being obnoxious but to be honest, it was only due to feeling very stressed at the time. I later regretted it because it makes for an awful atmosphere in the home. I'd hoped if I was horrible it would encourage him, but I wasn't able to keep it up long enough. I'm just utterly miserable with him being here and feel like scream pretty much every single day.