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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how to forgive?

25 replies

SweetPotato1 · 05/05/2017 19:00

I'm a Dad.

I feel, I know, I've been treated appallingly by a short term ex. It was last year. I confronted her earlier this year but got no satisfaction. She's not looking for forgiveness and continues to lie.

I've rarely seen her since but the trauma she caused is consuming me many months later.

Is more time the answer? Can you forgive someone who isn't looking for forgiveness?

Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
HildaOg · 05/05/2017 19:14

You have to put her out of your mind, out of your life and in time you'll naturally let go of the hurt she caused. Find someone else and move on.

Do you have children together? If not, there's no reason you'd ever have to see her again so forget her.

BarkeepersFriend · 05/05/2017 19:23

Forgiveness is about you letting go of your negative feelings and ultimately wishing your ex well. Whether she welcomes your forgiveness or not is irrelevant. It's an act that has to come from you alone and it sounds like you're not really ready to forgive. I hope you get to that point soon Flowers

nevernotstruggling · 05/05/2017 19:34

What did she do?

SweetPotato1 · 05/05/2017 19:35

Thanks Hilda,

No we don't have kids together. I've kids with a previous ex. Previous ex cheated on me in 2015 and our 12 year relationship came to an end. While that hurt I've long since made my peace with it.

What I refer to in this thread is the way I was treated by a recent ex who targeted me for her own vindictive purposes. I feel violated by her and am consequently struggling to move on from the anguish she caused. I feel I need to retaliate and I'm not the retaliating type.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 05/05/2017 19:36

Forgiveness is for the benefit of the party being forgiven, which it doesn't sound like this is.

Rather than forgiveness, try to reach instead for acceptance. "This happened, it's horribly shit, but it says everything about her and nothing about me."

If you believe in a higher power it can be comforting to think that she will get her comeuppance somehow, in this life or her next.

nevernotstruggling · 05/05/2017 19:40

Op I kind of understand. I have similar issue with a 3 month relationship which treated me appallingly. I would go as far as to say it made me ill. It took a year plus to love in and I still want to punch him

category12 · 05/05/2017 19:40

You don't need to forgive, you just need to let it go. Don't give it any more emotional energy, go no-contact and as they say, the best revenge is living well.

Orangecake123 · 05/05/2017 19:46

Forgiveness doesn't mean you're saying it was okay to be treated the way you were, but it's ultimately a way of letting go of holding on to the pain. Cut her out- she doesn't deserve to be in your life if she can not respect you.

I would really recommend therapy or counselling to help you deal with the effects of your trauma.

HildaOg · 05/05/2017 19:54

I understand that and maybe someday you'll get the opportunity to stick the boot in but tbh, the best revenge is moving on, making her existence a forgotten memory and finding happiness for yourself.

A cruel, vindictive person will have that come back on them at some point. She'll get what she deserves.

Be glad to be away from her and make your life great for you. Learn from the experience and move on.

Focus on the future. Use your ex as an example of exactly what you don't want in a woman. When I left a very abusive ex, I was full of rage for a very long time. Then I realised that I was angry with myself for falling for him and allowing it to get to that stage. Let go of everything and use it as a learning experience. Write a list of qualities you'd like in a woman; kindness, honesty, integrity, humour etc... And make sure any future partners tick those qualities. That way you won't be distracted by chemistry or looks and overlook the important things which will prevent a repeat of past hurtful/abusive relationships.

Maybe you're not ready to find someone new but it's good to have that image of what you would like for the future. It takes you further away from her. Moving into the future sends her further into the past and eventually it fades. Forgive for yourself. Xx.

SweetPotato1 · 05/05/2017 20:02

Thanks for the replies lads. I guess that's my problem; I can't let it go.
It has been no contact. I bumped into her in January and confronted her. No contact since but it still keeps me awake some nights.

Part of the problem is she still holds a sizable amount of cash that she conned out of me in the most appalling way. But it's not about the money, it's the manner with which she got it.

I need to hit the road here so can't get into the details now, but thanks for the replies and yes, I know I need to see a counselor so will arrange that.

OP posts:
SweetPotato1 · 05/05/2017 20:06

just a quick response before I go (at work, they won't pay me the overtime to stay :) Thanks Hilda. I've met someone new, as of the past month; but upsetting thoughts of ex still creep in when I've too much time on my hands.. like a night alone.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 05/05/2017 20:41

Maybe it's not about forgiving or forgetting, she screwed you over, your angry, angry because you let it happen?? Maybe it's yourself that you need to forgive? We all let our guard down at some point and people often take advantage of others.

My ex screwed me over and cheated ( just before Christmas ), I am still very angry but mostly I'm disappointed in myself for being so blind, for falling in love with someone and letting my guard down. I still think about him a lot and I'm finding it hard to imagine being in another relationship, I'm taking time to build myself back up, to become stronger next to be happier on my own. I'm also trying to forgive myself for being so stupid. I don't need to forgive him but I hope in time I will forget.

number1wang · 05/05/2017 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

number1wang · 05/05/2017 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Winterflower84 · 05/05/2017 23:16

I think when you find someone with whom you will be really happy, the question will lose its importance and relevance. You will simply stop be bothered with her and how to forgive her. In my case it went exactly like this.

SweetPotato1 · 06/05/2017 16:08

Without doubt I have been kicking myself for not questioning things more. There were two hard facts that had I questioned more I could have saved myself a lot of grief. I did question these things myself but didn't question ex as I believed her and to have questioned her would have shown massive distrust.

The timeline for this tale of woe is as follows..

Health warning!! SPEED READERS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT!

May2016 Single since Sept 2015 but still living with ex1 and our 3 kids as I organise finances to purchase my own separate home. Ex1 continues to see the man she had the affair with. Met ex2 on online dating, hit it off, met up every other day from the off.

(Hope reducing individuals to ex1 ex2 doesn't seem derogatory, just don't want to use names, don't have the imagination at this hour on a Saturday to make up fake ones!)

Ex2's story was that DH killed himself the previous year and was now living back with her parents as didn't want to live alone in their rented apartment.

June Ex1 gets a fb message from a fake account (troll) saying I was seen on a date. I get abusive threatening message from ex1s bro. Unfortunately ex1 never wasted an opportunity to give me a kicking behind my back, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but happy to tell anyone who will listen that I'm controlling, mean and all the rest.
I confront troll online and ask her had she anything to say for the hassle caused. Trolls response is vile abuse, naming my address, threats of violence, threats of reporting me to my kids sports club as being unfit to be around children etc. I chat to police about this, and actually confront (in the nicest possible way) one mother in my kids class with same name as trolls kid to give her heads up that I was going to police. I was an extremely upsetting time, and all the while ex2 was providing emotional support, us both rattling our brains to figure out who troll was, ie who spotted us on the date. ex2 mentioned two people she spotted that night so I went off on a fb wild goose chase their too.

August Had some lovely dates with ex2, but lots of silly arguments, that she was happy to drag out and not let go. Ridiculous stuff, complete downers. On one hotel break I message ex1 to say I won't be staying at house and ok to bolt the door. Ex2 hits the roof! Mind blowing rant for 40 mins before bed. Two hours later wakes me, demands to be driven home now that I've had time to sober up, again another 40mins mind blowing rant.. extremely distressing, I didn't say a word except to end the relationship and return her to her car. A couple of days later I sent her an email, pretty much a love letter saying I hope she's ok, that her reaction of my benign text to ex1 was a massive and scary overreaction, and that how my heart was breaking for what she had been through regarding her DHs death. A couple of letters to-and-fro and we're back together. Still volatile, ended again in late August, she ended it out of the blue.. very upsetting as I had fallen for her and we had great chemistry. I excused her erratic behavior as not having dealt properly with husbands death (how could she have, it was so recent).

September She's looking to give it another go, I agree, but at the time I'm over at a friends and we're having a few drinks, kicking ball with a plan to head into town. She messages and included in the message was a glib comment asking was I heading to a particular pub where I had previously got a date. I responded to the message but ignored the glib remark. Hours later I get a fuck you message saying I was playing mind games by not addressing said glib remark. I (drunk myself) responded with some kind of explanation and said I wouldn't hold that comment against her.
Next morning I get a message from her telling me she's going emailing ex1 about my finances, house plans, the fact that I had sought legal advice regarding my position as an unmarried Dad. She then tells me she's pregnant and any contact I have will be through solicitor and any meetings she'd be accompanied by her Dad etc. The next couple of weeks were hell. Many conversations, messages arguments with me arguing why we wouldn't work as a couple (four breakups in four months) and I didn't thing this baby wasn't a good idea (and she had been on the pill). Eventually she agreed to have a termination but it had to happen quick as her parents now knew and would stop her. She didn't have access to money. I offered to travel with her but she wouldn't go for that. I gave her money for termination, flights for two and hotel accommodation (pretty much all my summers savings). She gave me scant details on what would happen next including timeline. I knew the approximate details but verified she was still turning up to work when she was supposedly out of the country. I began to question her after the fact, looking for proof, anything that she had actually been pregnant. She agreed to meet up chat things through.. It was hugely important to me to find I was I responsible for a termination. I needed closure. She told me I had it but I told her the 29th April (due date) comes around every year. I didn't buy her excuses as to why her car was still at work, I even emailed her correspondence for the airport which confirmed that there was no flight to that city on the day she claimed she traveled. Still no admission.

October Got a message saying hi. I replied hi, next night car tires slashed. I took it upon myself to contact a gentleman through fb that she went on two dates with prior to me. She had talked about this guy a lot and how he had upset her by saying she needed help. He said all the while she was seeing me she was messaging him saying she was pregnant, that he'd ruined her life! Even left a pregnancy test box in his letter box. She had given him a different name and had told him it was a boyfriend that had committed suicide.

December Her two date ex emails me to tell me he's since found out she's still happily married and living with hubby. Hubby is a solicitor, works for the same company she told me dead DH works for. She's from a different county and not 5 miles out the road like she led me to believe.

Jan2017 Bumped into her in shop. Confronted her in carpark over her bullshit. She denied everything, until I pulled out phone and showed her with actual hubby on wedding day (she had previously shown me picks of DH, they look nothing alike). She gave me the sob story, hubby always away, lonely etc. I told how I also figured out she was also the online troll that caused me all that distress last summer. She admitted it and dismissed it like it was nothing. Still maintains she was pregnant. To admit the truth would involve accepting responsibility for the distress she caused and would also involve returning my money.

March2017 spotted driving brand new luxury car.

Today While I'm seeing someone new, lovely and sound I feel that I'm expending too much negative energy on feeling being wronged by ex2. I'd love to forget her, forget the money but it's a lot easier said than done. I guess I'm worried that I'd do something stupid like email her DH, or the school where she works as to her carry on!

I kinda feel that if I could understand her, like if I spoke to a mental health professional and they said 'Yeah, sounds like she's got xyz. She's a victim of her condition and these people have a tough life', then maybe I'd be more accepting of her shocking treatment of me.

Anyway, thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 06/05/2017 16:45

Wow that's just crazy.
Simply walk away, I mean I know you have, but in your mind.
Obviously there were red flags, but she really did a number on you and it's not your fault. Simply not your fault.
The only thing you can feel vaguely ok with this whole situation is that you're out of it.
Clearly she has severe mental health problems, and actually I feel quite sorry for her.

Justbreathing · 06/05/2017 16:48

Also telling her dh etc would just be embroiling yourself to no end.
You can't get "revenge" or "resolution" with someone who is as unwell as her, it will drive you mad yourself.
Perhaps counselling would help

LellyMcKelly · 06/05/2017 17:17

OMG - she's a proper psychopath. You will not get a reasonable explanation for her behaviour because her behaviour is not reasonable. I think you have to accept that she has a personality disorder of some sort (look them up - you will find one that fits I'm sure). Go seek counselling to help you work through your emotions, but will not be able to have a conversation with her that leads to the closure you want. She is not the person you thought she was, or the person she presented to you.

SweetPotato1 · 06/05/2017 17:34

Thanks for reading Justbreathing. Yeah, when I'm not indulging in an aul pityfest myself there are glimpses where I do feel sorry for her. I feel I need to put her in a box, with a label, the label would read personality disorder, or mental illness or something. I don't know, but I'd love to know, because it would make it easier. Because if she's not in that box then her behavior, unwarranted vindictiveness, comes from somewhere else, a badness and this doesn't sit well with me.

OP posts:
Justbreathing · 06/05/2017 20:46

She 100% has a personality disorder, you will never be able to label it. And in reality you don't want to. Because doing so would mean being close to her still

number1wang · 07/05/2017 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pillowpillowpillows · 07/05/2017 13:57

Wow you have had a lucky escape. Bow to the ground, raise your hands and thank your lucky star. You have no idea of how lucky you have been to get away from her. Wow

Changedname3456 · 07/05/2017 19:38

Why did she need to fly somewhere to get a termination? If she's in this country, what you describe is fraud. Go to the police and see whether you can press charges. I would also make sure they're aware of the stalking / tyre slashing too.

yetmorecrap · 07/05/2017 19:45

If she is married I would suggest you write to her husband at his office, he really really needs to know all this

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