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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bloody WhatsApp!

23 replies

WatchinTheGameHavinABud · 05/05/2017 12:59

I never wanted to be the paranoid psycho type of girlfriend but it appears I am acting like one right now! Not helped by always seeming to be shat on by previous partners.
I need someone to give me a shake...
I have met a really lovely guy - been together 6 months so still early days. We see each other a LOT and he seems very keen. Have already met some of his friends and family (a bit rushed I know but just how it happened)

I have one thing bugging me ..... his what'sApp use. He is online pretty much all the time but never really goes on it when he's with me?!

Soooo my head is saying well he's clearly still talking to other women to see if something better comes along!
He's reassured me that I'm worrying over nothing but I've noticed a few times when he's at mine he will check his whatsapp late at night before coming to bed .... just all seems a bit dodgy

I'm so worried about getting hurt again especially as I feel like I've found one I get on with so well

Am I being overly psycho and paranoid here?!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/05/2017 13:02

Yeah I think you should relax a bit
Maybe he's messaging friends; if he hasn't done anything to suggest he's cheating then you should trust him

reallyanotherone · 05/05/2017 13:05

Yes. To the psycho and paranoid bit.

It's manners not to check his phone when he's with you.

As far as i know whatsapp isn't a dating app. I get messages from friends and family on it, and often check it last thing the same way i check email and texts, to make sure i've seen and dealt with everything.

I really can't see how his whatsapp use is "dodgy". If he were on tinder or whatever it is now you may have had a point..

Adora10 · 05/05/2017 13:07

Sorry but I'd be thinking same as you OP, on it all the time, apart from when he is with you, yes, odd.

MissBax · 05/05/2017 13:10

I think you really need to relax - of course he's not going to be texting friends when he's with you, that's normal! Also a bit off topic but to say you've met some of his friends and family after 6 months and you think this is "a bit soon". I met my partners friends within a few weeks and went to a full blown family get together after a month. What makes you think it's too soon??

Jackiebrambles · 05/05/2017 13:12

Eh? I'm on whatsapp all the time - I'm a member of loads of groups - school friends, uni friends, mum friends, nursery friends etc. It's pinging all the time with messages (drives me mad, but that's my fault for not muting it!).

I'm not up to shenanigans with anyone other than my husband!

You need to relax and trust him. Unless he's doing something else that you don't like of course!

BastardGoDarkly · 05/05/2017 13:13

It would be weird to be on it when he's with you though? Like he was preferring others company to yours?

I check my WhatsApp last thing at night too, don't you?

Chill out Smile

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/05/2017 13:14

Um, it sounds more as though he's not on it when you're together because he loves spending time with you!

Normally people complain that their partner is always on Facebook/Whatsapp instead of spending time with them, not the other way around!

SparklingRaspberry · 05/05/2017 13:15

Yes you're being a bit psycho.

I would also not be impressed if I had to reassure someone just 6 months in

SandyY2K · 05/05/2017 13:17

Nothing wrong with it and you are kinda paranoid. I'm on whatsapp a lot and I can assure you I'm not speaking to other men.

FluffyBathTowel · 05/05/2017 13:17

Hiding the Whatsapp online status will save your sanity - I suggest you enable this and relax a bit :)

Original poster
WatchinTheGameHavinABud · 05/05/2017 13:18

thank you ladies. I know I'm being a psycho!!! Very embarrassing. Am surprised he's still stuck around but am taking your comments on board .

OP posts:
Proudmummytodc2 · 05/05/2017 13:31

I'm with the majority of the other posters your being very paranoid chill out a bit.

My phone is constantly going with text, snap chats, what's app, Facebook messenger and emails.

I am not up to anything at all apart from talking with friends and family.

Try relax a little bit, it's good he's not sitting on his phone with you it's showing he wants to be in your company.

TheNaze73 · 05/05/2017 13:38

Some sage advice here OP. Guys share loads on WhatsApp & he is being respectful when he's with you.

PookieDo · 05/05/2017 17:33

I'm on it loads, I have a large group chat going and then side chats.
I don't go on it when my BF is here because that would be rude.
I'm not cheating

Barbaro · 05/05/2017 18:05

Yeah just calm down haha. You would be complaining if he was on it all the time when he's with you, wouldnt you? Poor guy cant win.

All you'll do is drive him away, but you know that. Just chill out. :)

Original poster
WatchinTheGameHavinABud · 05/05/2017 18:25

Haha thank you all... feel very silly having written this thread but am grateful for all replies x

OP posts:
NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 05/05/2017 20:20

I use WhatsApp loads, very rarely to message DH to whom I'm very happily married. I message friends which is most likely what he is doing.
Be careful you don't push him away with your paranoia OP...

gingertigercat · 05/05/2017 20:37

Most men I know have a 'man group' on whatsapp with up to 30 men messaging. Mainly about football or food! My partner mutes his messages as there are so many but if he does reply it's a constant chain.

I think it's so sweet! Blush

PookieDo · 06/05/2017 08:38

Ive seen DP's group man messages they are usually all about football

Emboo19 · 06/05/2017 09:23

Echoing everyone else Op!
My boyfriend has a few groups on WhatsApp, band, football and work mates. He's always been really good when we were dating and even now if we have a night in together he's never on his phone.
I once checked it before bed (he asked me to) and he had more than 70 messages. I looked as I'm nosey and it was mostly about a football match that had been on, a fair bit of insulting each other and a lot of swearing. The ones who'd been messaging must have been on constantly as the messages were a constant flow.
They also seem to do a lot of sending photos that they've edited or added things on, my boyfriend sometimes shows me some.

Are you going out of your way to look and see if he's online? Because otherwise how do you know?
When he's not with you, make the most of doing stuff for yourself, meet up with friends take up a hobby etc!
Then you'll be less likely to be looking on your phone to see what he's doing.

Glenn12 · 01/09/2021 01:50

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Bookworm20 · 01/09/2021 14:12

I don't know. if hes never on it when with you, but checks it only when you're not around, I'd find that odd too. Especially after 6 months together. Does he ever show you who hes messaging on whatsapp?
If its bloke groups, surely after 6 months he'd of mentioned that hes in these groups and possibly you'd of even seen him replying to some of them? why the need for him to be secretive about it at this stage?

Only reason I'm suspicious though is because a guy I''d started seeing was exactly like this, on whats app at midnight, 2am etc. and when I wasn't around, but never when I was. Messaging his ex it turns out.

myotherusernameistaken · 01/09/2021 15:37

@Bookworm20

It was 4 years ago

Probably resolved now.

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