AIBU re: partners football trips

[rubee132000]

I am a SAHM to a wonderful toddler. My husband has a season ticket for a premiership club and regularly attends away matches, mainly at the weekend. Although this requires approximately a two hour trip each way, he often books train tickets that ensure he has plenty of time before and after the match,so that it often ends up being at least a twelve hour day out of the home.

AIBU to think this is quite unfair? By the time the weekend arrives, I am usually pretty tired and ready to share parental caring responsibilities ( my husband also works long hours, and is arrives home late in the evenings). I fully appreciate the choices we have made for me to be at home for now, but I feel annoyed that he takes so much time out of family life, whilst accepting it is his hobby.

Am I missing something? Where does it say he uses "family money"?

They're married, how is it not family money?!

Well yes AF, but I'm not sure that the money was an issue here and the season ticket is for home games, which are far less time consuming and eow. OP didn't say he bought it without her agreement.

The away matches are the bigger problem I think and those are paid for individually and turn it into a weekly event.

So every penny someone makes is family money? That's a strange concept to me. My partner and I have a joint account from which we pay the mortgage, bills, baby clothes, food, holidays etc etc. But after that what each of us has left from our own wages is ours. If I want to go for lunch with a friend or buy myself something that's MY money, not family money 😕

MissBax

Thats how DP and I do it (although DP is far better at saving than me so controls a lot of the savings but I just ask for it and I get it - its about my lack of impulse control!). Others however feel that anything beyond shared standard household expenses should be put to some kind of democratic vote.

I still wonder if this had been discussed between OP and her DP prior to the child being born and if OP gets summer off and does her own thing then.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with it. A weekend has 2 days, so he can be present on the other day and take the lion's share of caring for your toddler.

I think it's wrong to assume that your spouse will stop an activity or hobby that they spend a lot of time on, when you have DC without prior discussion.

I also don't think the money is the issue here. The reason I work is so I can spend what I earn on what I want and the same for my DH. As a grown adult I'm not seeking permission to spend my hard earned cash.

As long as my DC have their essentials and bills are met, I do as I please with my money.

I think I would be suggesting that the away games stop as of next season but he can still go to all the home games (which are usually the only ones included in a season ticket btw)

A season ticket will be about £500, away game tickets about the same plus travel which adds up to around £1500 per year ( that is not counting cup games, food, drinks etc), not quite the same as buying lunch.

When you have children, a compromise has to be made that works for both of you.

Wouldn't bother me .
I think you are unreasonable.

If he steps up and she gets her 12 hours on that weekend that would be a bit fairer. I have to confess that this would give me the rage.

' family money "?

They might have separate finances.

They might be millionaires

Dh is a massive football fan and always had a season ticket up until dc were here.
The team he supports is up north and we are down south so it is an 8 hour round trip just driving. He usually leaves at 8am and yes home about 9pm.

He only goes to games once every 6 weeks roughly unless there is a derby.And will do 6/7aeay games a season.
I go up with him once every couple of months and we make a day of it together and stay over and have a meal. Is this something you could compromise on?
I wouldn't be happy if he still went to every game and didn't spend much family time together.
Could he go to local away games only and home games once every few weeks? And you get a day to yourself whenever he goes too?

Op is a sahm hence family money argument. I may be wrong but I'm not getting the impression that she can just disappear for 12 hours at a time knowing that her dh will pick up the slack.

I love football btw but I have no young children. When I did I didn't get to see much football. Dh and I both work and we are discussing buying season tickets for next year. Its a lot of money. And that is only for a league two club. Or maybe hopefully league one.

Thanks very much for all your replies. Lots of interesting perspectives which have been really helpful to read and to think about. Sorry not replying to you all individually.

You are being slightly unreasonable.

I think negotiating the home games plus possibly cup matches is a good compromise.

I'd leave. Seriously, these things are an obsession, and I highly doubt it'll change!

Really!!! No discussion, no compromise?

Yeah go on OP, sling him out, change the locks and be done with him!! LTB!!

Or of course, try and compromise!

Not sure why anyone is focusing on money. Op doesn't mention money being an issue.

My answer to things like this is that it's not a problem if the rule of 3 is able to be followed.

That means that there is equality in the time and resources being used for yourself, for your relationship and for family time.

If a partners hobby is so encompassing that their partner can't take the same time and money for them and that bit has are neglecting their own relationship and family time because they are too focused on themselves then it's a problem.

Oh and my financial setup would mean there's no financial reason to make large purchases a joint decision as I don't go along with the whole family money and join account thing. I'm actually pretty anti that.

Dh and I have equal disposable income in individual accounts and if he has the money to spend he can spend it on what he wants. Likewise the same for me. I couldn't be doing with the need to discuss money all the time and having separate finances means we don't have to. It also leaves me free to have rather a large saving pot which I blow on large items when I feel like it, and him able to spend all his money every month on living more comfortably which is what he likes to do.