Sister abortion support

[tisme87]

So my sister split with her husband just over 3 months ago, this is something she had thought about for months but didn't tell anyone but 1 other family member. I was told they had split the next day it happened by the family member. This hurt because not only was it a change in the family dynamics my sister kept it from me. I wasn't overly surprised as she tends to be a closed book. I moved past my own feelings and supported her every way I could. I was there for her alll the time making sure she was ok. My sister then moved in with me. She had a hospital appointment on the weekend which she told me was for an issue I already knew about, and I beleived her. She told me it went well. 2 days later I receive a call from the same family member to inform me that she had been rushed to hospital due to loss of blood after she had an abortion of twins. I was gobsmacked as I didn't have a clue, she lived with me! she drank every night since she lived with me and went on as normal. I of course went to the hospital to support her and she ended up being discharged but I can't help but feel completely lied to, not only that, I am truly upset to think not only was it one miracle it was 2!.... My nieces or nephews. She is just continuing like everything is normal and as she never opens up she comes across just so callous! I am trying my hardest to continue being there for her and support her but how can I when every time I ask if she's ok she just says she's fine. I'm trying so hard to put my feelings aside for her sake but right now all I feel is anger towards her. Before this, after years of trying she and her ex husband had ivf which resulted in an early miscarriage she didn't try again, now she was pregnant with twins and she's aborted then at 3months! I have personally been through a failed ivf and can understand the rollercoaster you go through I can also understand that her situation was difficult but if I found out I had twins I could never do what she did. I just don't know how to get over my own anger towards her to be able to support her, I feel everything she's says is a lie.

She's your sister. Is that not the main thing? She's clearly been through an emotional time. And, aside from that, it's her decision, and one she's perfectly entitled to keep private if she so wishes.

Your anger isn't an issue, or at least it shouldn't be. It's her life. I assume she's an adult? In which case, leave her be. She's done nothing illegal.

She's been through ivf, if she has aborted twins which you don't know, she must have massive reasons. It's about her, not you!!! Try asking what support your sister may need instead of being so self centred

I agree with previous poster. I can see where you're coming from, it sounds like she's dissociating from the whole situation. She's done what she thought best in the circumstances and is building a protective shell over herself and her situation. All you can do is be there for her if/when she needs you and however she needs you. At some point she will have to deal with it but might prefer to keep it hidden. Can you find a trusted person to talk to about your feelings in this?

You need to put your personal feelings aside. The decision to have an abortion is hers alone, and you have no place to judge her. You have no idea what's really going on in her life. Just love her.

All I took from your post is "Me me me"
Ok so YOU wouldn't have an abortion.. Your dsis didn't want to be pregnant. She made the decision to end the pregnancy. Have you wondered why a family member told you and not your sister?

Get down off your high horse and support your sister.. if you can't do that then just mind your own business

So, your dsis is going through a separation and the aftermath of an abortion and it's all about you? Smh.

It's really none of your business. Your sister had her reasons. Never, ever think they were easy for her. Be there for her - or don't, but for fucks sake realise it's not about you.

"It's not about me." Just say that over and over again until you get it.

I am truly upset to think not only was it one miracle it was 2!.... My nieces or nephews

This has absolutely nothing to do with you, and framing it in such a way is nothing short of selfish.

Wow you have made a very traumatic period for your sister all about you. The fact she terminated her pregnancy was her decision to make and she needed to do what was right for her, not you. She had her own reasons for terminating, good ones as far as i can tell if she was facing bringing twins up alone aIone. Maybe try to understand your sister has the right to handle things her way, discuss her private business with whoever she wants to, whenever she feels it's right to do so, and it's not a reflection on you?

You found out she left the day after. You had no right to know before hand and no real right to know until she wanted to tell you.

Either this family member blabbed and shouldnt have done or she asked them to tell you the next day. You had no right to know what she was planning.

She chose not to share her decision about an abortion with you. Again the family member blabbed or she actively asked them to involve you.

I suspect she knew what your reaction would be. Non of this is about you and you dont have the right to know any of it.

No wonder she didn't tell you.

Yeah I wouldn't tell you anything either.

It's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

You have no idea why she aborted. This is not your business. Stay out of it.

Wow.
And you wonder why she didn't tell you!??
I know why!
And if you read your OP again you'll know too!!!
Jeeeezz

Both issues none of your business unless your sister decides to talk to you. I can see why she wouldn't do that though.

Wow.
Broken record but It. Is. Not. About. You! She's in pain, possibly feeling awful emotionally and all you can think is 'my neices and nephews!'
I can see why she didn't tell you

I agree that this isn't about you. But you are still entitled to your feelings and perspective ( you just can not force that onto someone else because they are also entitled to their own feelings and perspective, iyswim).

She could probably predict your judgmental attitude so she decided to not share it with you.

If this is going to prevent you from supporting her then that is your decision to make. You may lose your relationship with her altogether if you decide that you need to press your point. She may decide to move out at some point and never look back.

I am sorry if you are feeling the need to grieve for your sister's aborted fetuses. Perhaps ask her if she needs to grieve as well and you could support her with some type of memorial? Respect her response and process this event on your own if necessary.

Shocking post!

OMG! Maybe she doesn't share stuff with you because you are overbearing and judgemental and make every difficult thing she goes through about you!

FFS, this is her life, not yours. How you feel about her marriage, separation, ivf or abortion is neither here nor there.

Look at it this way: if she knows you've been through IVF perhaps she can guess how you would feel. Maybe she was trying to protect your feelings? Or protect herself from your reaction... What she is going through is bigger than what you feel about someone else's abortion. It sounds to me like she's putting her feelings to one side to try and get through, and also possibly to avoid your overly personal reaction. You need to try and do the same. Your feelings are not the most important ones here.